(Closed) Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 393
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I haven’t read this whole thread but I have been reading bits & pieces.  I think he is now starting to realize that you are moving on and he doesn’t like it. I really think you need to change your phone number. I know if it was me I wouldn’t be able to listen to his voice and keep seeing him call and not call him back.  If he does have a question for you he has your email and can ask it that way if it’s that important.

I wouldn’t go having a conversation with him about your new job because it will be too much like when you were together and you will miss him.

For me the easiest way to get over someone is to start dating. And by dating I don’t mean going on a date looking for a husband. I mean go out to dinner with a guy have fun and get spoiled!  I know you said your heart isn’t in but I don’t think you should be looking for love right now just someone to take your mind off things and to have a nice time with.

Post # 394
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Hi CLBB – I haven’t posted yet but I’ve been reading the posts and just wanted to say that it sounds like you have come a LONG way since you first posted about this.  I’ve never been through a break up like yours so I don’t have any advice based on experience but I just want to offer you encouragement and tell you to keep being strong and to refuse any less than what you deserve.  I know some of the posts here have been harsh but I really think that all the bees just want you to stand up for yourself and demand the best for you and your little girl. Keep up the hard work – I’m sure it’s not easy – better things will come to you and they will be worth the wait!

Post # 395
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Its so great to see how far you have come! Do not let this scumbag back into your life.. You and DD deserve better! Im so glad you are working on you and DD and congrats on the weightloss.

Post # 396
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I read this post a few days ago and didn’t comment because you remind me of my sister and brother who are both terrible with break ups. Regardless of how many people try to help and guide them- they just need to do what they’re doing and figure it out on their own (usually they end up making a complete ass of themselves and self destructing).

 That being said, take your dating profile down. Just because you’re hurt doesn’t give you permission to messs with other people’s feelings, even if you don’t go out with them they’ve invested time in getting to know you. Furthermore, you need to heal on your own. What these men say to you may make you feel better, but it’s only a band aid. Take some time off from the romantic scene, do what you have to do to get over what’s his face, and in 4-6 months you’ll be back in a good place and maybe even ready to date.

  You’ll be fine. It just takes time.

 

Post # 397
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

My ex husband used to do that after I was separated from him.  What WORKED was cutting off the contact.  All and any unnecessary contact.  And the only necessary type was for the sake of my child.  You and your bf do not have kids together so there is absolutely NO need for contact.

This will only prolong your attachment to the dude.  Imho, he’s not marriage material.  He’s not a man with a plan, and if he suddenly got one now, I’d worry it was because there was the breakup and ultimatum, not out of love.

Glad you’re off the dating site and just spending time w/family.  Just focus on you, your kids, and healing.  There will be time for men later on when your heart is healed.  Think of it like this, if you met somebody now you’d be not in that good place to meet that forever relationship and guy because your heart is not ready.  You couldn’t fall totally in love because it’s impossible when you haven’t fully healed.

In time it will all make sense.  There will be a day for a wedding, for the dress, etc.  It will happen.  My family told me that after my divorce.  And they were right!  I met my Fiance five years after my divorce. 

The ex will keep you involved and on the hook for as long as he can because he’s afraid of not being able to keep you on the line any longer without a committment and because he’s afraid you’ll meet somebody else and that he won’t have a free place to stay.  It’s not because he loves you above himself or above all others.  If that were the case, he would have been a man with a real plan.   

Post # 398
Member
3761 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds like you are making some progress CLBB. 

I think over time it may just toment you and tempt you to contact him via your home phone.  I think it would be best to change your number.  Look how much that helped when you changed your cell number!  Can you at least unplug your answering machine for now?  Do you really need that thing?  Listening to his messages is just a bad idea. 

I wanted to encourage you as well to focus on you.  Keep exercising, figure out what makes you happy (besides your DD obviously) and spend some time to yourself.  I would recommend setting a time limit before you consider dating any other guys.  Maybe say 1 year.  Devot that year to you and your DD.  Try not to even have an interest in guys, don’t go on dates, etc.  See what types of friendships you can rekindle or make new.  Setting a goal like this helps a ton!

Post # 399
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Im sorry you are hurt. But someone who truly loves you would never want a break or break your heart. Your true love is out there somewhere. Stay strong!

Post # 401
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

He doesn’t have anything to email you about. You are too smart now to have anything to do with him…right?

Post # 402
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

What he wants is to feed you more excuses and talk more about how “scared” he is.

If he wanted to show up on your doorstep with a ring… what’s stopping him?  He doesn’t want to.  Simple as that.  It sounds like he hasn’t even tried to come see you in person.  He won’t even put out that much effort.

You’re doing the best thing to just keep ignoring.

Post # 403
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Jeebus H, this is like watching a train wreck in slow motion.  You’ve been moping on here for a while and people have been hugging and going AWW to help you through, but you keep going back like an beaten wife.  LET. HIM. GO.  I hope you had more self respect when you were with him, because I’m telling you straight that guys will never take a girl seriously if she has no self respect.  So while I’m not outright saying it’s your fault that you’re in this position, maybe you need to do some self-reflection, see a counsellor, deal with your dependency issues, your self-esteem etc.

 

I would never say this to anyone, but maybe you should get off this forum.  Maybe you should join a singles forum, or a knitting one, or a painting one or some hobby.  Something NOT wedding related.

 

But whatever you do, FFS, let him go.  Just LET. HIM. GO. 

 

Post # 404
Member
2738 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve been silently following your saga for a while now…waaaayyyy before I signed up on wedding bee. I’ve met a couple of ladies that have gone through the same thing, none with kids though. I know it’s hard but…but…I am sorry to say, I get the feeling that you are going to go back to this guy. Just from the tenor of your posts and the way you write about him. I wish, oh God I wish, you could just block him out. Cell, email, text, facebook, all the paraphenelia we use to communicate. I swear to you, it will seem like the world would end but it wouldn’t. One year from now would be one year without him and with you moving forward and getting your emotional life in order because trust me, from all you have written about this guy (and I base the following sentence based on only what you have written), why on earth would you want to marry him? Why?? I understand foot dragging, and confusion, and guys not being sure but this does take the cake IMHO!

 

*I agree with pp, please try and get off wedding bee. Being on a website dedicated to weddings might cloud your decision making right about now. Don’t you have a sister or friend that you can talk to?

Post # 405
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

Sorry I’ve been MIA for a week – on vacation :o)

BUT…I think you’ve made some pretty awesome progress CLBB! I think your next step is to change your home number. I know it’s nice to see when he’s trying to reach out to you, but I think Bellenga is right. You need to cut off all contact with him so that you can get over him. Knowing when he’s calling is just going to keep sucking you back into the relationship.

It’s ok to still have feelings for him, but at this point, you shouldn’t want to marry him either. Look at what he’s done to you. He’s sent you spiralling into a depression that you’re slowly starting to pull yourself out of, and he doesn’t respect you enough to have you and DD even live with him. He has a few questions? Sorry pal, way too late for that! He’s getting really nervous now b/c you haven’t called him in almost 2 weeks…awesome for you! 2 weeks ago, you called him to tell him about your job…now, you’re not contacting him at all about it! That shows him that you don’t care if he knows about what’s going on with your life or not. Keep this up! You’re doing great. For 3 weeks out of the relationship, you’re starting to pull yourself together and be a little less sad about everything every day!

Keep yourself busy! That seems to be working and taking your mind off of exbf. I know there are 11 pages of comments here, and this is a wedding site, but I think it’s a great support for you. Keep going the way you are and it will get a little easier each day…

P.S. He’s “scared” to get you pregnant, so he reduced sex to once/week? This guy is unbelievable! He’ll use the “scared” excuse for EVERYTHING!

Post # 406
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I gave the same advice about getting off WB.. worst place on earth to be right now for support.

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