(Closed) Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 33
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

Not a healthy relationship.  You are going to have a much calmer better life without him in it.  Seriously, when him friending a girl on FB causes you insecurity – the relationship is not going well.  When he lies to you about his intentions – he is not worth it.  If he doesn’t want you to move in! – dump him dump him dump him.

It’s better if he does consider himself single right now.  Let him inflict  himself on some other poor girl.  Maybe you should put up a profile and do some low stress dating.  Go meet up with friends.  Call you mom.  Spend time with your daughter.

Any conversations or texts with him are toxic to you – you seem like you migth give back in if he says the right things.  You can. not. trust. a word he says.

Post # 34
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

Cute.. after my last relationship very similar to yours.. my now ex of 4 years had a new girlfriend 3 DAYS!! after we broke up.. I as well was devistated. But I now have the most amazing SO ever.. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and marry you and love you like you should be loved.

Post # 35
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

Stand up on your pedestal and stop doting after someone who clearly doesn’t want to commit to you. You’re wasting your time.  Please go and find a balanced relationship. Trust me- a lot of us have been there, and when you’re in a great relationship- it doesn’t cause this much heartache- plain and simple. You’re going to have to find your inner strength and move on. Just know that Mr. Right is out there!

Post # 36
Member
1712 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I read your previous posts. I think something definely afoot with this facebook thing. Even if he needed a break why would he even change his status at all and that quickly. Something’s not adding up.

I know its impossible to move on so soon but I agree with finding some distraction. Take some time gather yourself. Do you have any close friends you can spend a day or two with?

Three years is a lot to let go suddenly.I wouldn’t advise you against calling. Find out exactly whats going on, and decide firmly where you’re going to take things. I think you should put your mind at ease where you’re not filled with a bunch of what ifs and make you’re final decision.

Good Luck. Things will be much better some day.

Post # 37
Member
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

It’s my opinion that any time the word Facebook comes into an argument, you’re doomed. He’s not acting like a man, he’s acting like a teenager. You almost have an actual teenager yourself – I’d recommend taking some time for yourself to help you sort out your feelings, to get a realistic perspective about the situation. I think some time will help you immensely, and eventually finding a more mature and loving mate will happen. The PP’s are right – relationships really aren’t supposed to be that hard!

 

Post # 38
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Don’t sell yourself or DD short.  You will absolutely make it ahead of this.  I know it might break your heart to see this written, but I think this needs to be over.  I have been in this situation before once or twice.  It never ends well.  Even if you would eventually marry, it seems like he would not be ready for that regardless.

I really hope you can get through this okay.  If you need to cry, do it.  Do what your body tells you to get through it.  It’s kind of like throwing up.  No one really WANTS to do it, but your body needs you to when you eat something which wouldn’t digest or make you ill.

I don’t know if that helped or not, but coming from someone who has dealt with complete and utter devastation about five times I hope you take it into consideration.  Things get better.

Post # 40
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You poor thing! I have been there/done that/got the t-shirt MANY times, and I can offer you this for advice.

Do NOT contact him. Do not call him, do not text him, do not email him. Do not go on his facebook, or talk to his friends about what happened.

It has been my experience that the tighter you hold onto a man, the more they pull. The absolute best thing you can do for you is, stay busy, go out with friends, and spend time with dd. Realize you have a life without him, and let him see that you are capable of moving forward (yo do this by not doing the call/text/email thing).

TRUST ME, it is the best way.

 

Post # 41
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’ve read some of your other posts and it seems like while you love him, you have a lot of trouble getting comfortable with him.  It seems like he’s not really treating you with the respect you deserve.  Maybe he does respect you, but his immaturity and his hot-and-cold unwillingness to commit one way or another puts you on the receiving end of a lot of bs.  Whether he intends to or not, he’s not treating you right.  You deserve better than that and so does your daughter.

Make the break permanent.  Concentrate on yourself and your daughter.  Don’t worry about guys for awhile – it’s almost like Mr. Bee’s three-step plan.  Finding yourself and busying yourself with your own life will make you more desirable to the right kind of guys.  Maybe you’ll find one.  Maybe the same guy will mature and come back to you.  Probably not, and definitely don’t count on it.  Focus on yourself, treat yourself the way he’s refused to treat you, and the rest will come in time.

Post # 42
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’d like to give you something else to think about, too.

Do you really want to spend your life with someone who pulls some sort of crap, every time he “get’s stressed” or “can’t deal with this right now”? You will certainly have stresses in your life in the future- everyone does. Esp. if you have a child, things are bound to go a little crazy now and then. You deserve a supportive man, who can put family first before his own needs, and not run everytime something goes awry. He strikes me as someone who is not mature enough to deal with issues, and that is unhealthy. Find someone supportive, who can be there for you when you need them, wh won’t run from issues by crying about stress or not being able to deal.

Post # 43
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Melissabegins – I totally agree.

Cute- I am so sorry to hear you are going through this, but I agree from the outside, it sounds like you might be better off healing from this and moving on. There must have been other serious things going on with how he treats you/how much you trust him/etc for you to get that upset that he friended a girl on Facebook. This is way beyond “it’s been 3 years and he hasn’t committed” – this is about you deserving to be with someone you trust with your life who treats you with nothing but respect and love, even when you are fighting.

I’ve been there too and you will get through this – do NOT call him. Do NOT text him. Do NOT even sign IN to Facebook. Take care of yourself and DD and try to be strong. Something better is out there for you. We all promise!

Post # 44
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee

You’re definitely doing the right thing here. You need someone who is going to commit to you and want to be with you. A PP hit the nail on the head – a relationship shouldn’t be this hard! Yes, you do have to work at it sometimes, but it seems as if you’re the one doing all the giving while he’s doing all the taking. Don’t sell yourself short – you have so much to offer someone, and he’s not deserving of that if he can’t commit to you.

Post # 45
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

Oh my gosh – I’m so very sorry to read this.  I hate that you’re going through this.  But I must agree with the others  DO NOT write him, call him, text him…nothing.  In fact, I would take him off my friend list on FB and change your relationship status.  And, only you can decide if he does come back around whether or not you can continue this.  I think you deserve much better – in 3 years he should know what he wants. And, he can’t keep running in and out of your life like this.   I know you love him, and this is the hardest thing you’ve probably ever done but I promise someone is out there who deserves you.  DON’T give in!!!!!!  

Post # 46
Member
846 posts
Busy bee

The best thing my dad ever told me that really stuck with me is “It is not supposed to be that hard”!!! Others have said this to you as well.  I know It is hard to move on, and I am sorry, 🙁 but you deserve better!!!  Don’t allow yourself to get yanked around by someone who doesn’t respect and love you enough to get past his little games and marry you.  Don’t give in to the temptation to contact him or go back with him. You will find someone who loves you more than you can realize right now.  I promise!!!  (((Hugs)))  Find a new hobby or two, and spend some time with your dd.  Go for a walk, keep moving ahead one moment at a time.  Don’t look back.  You will be sooo glad that you did when the right person comes along. Be good to yourself and treat yourself well. 

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