(Closed) Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you need to stop dwelling on PAST things that he said! He sounds like such a manipulator to me. ACTIONS speak louder than words. I am sorry you are going through it and I don’t doubt that it is painful, but going back and rereading emails, texts, im’s, letters whatever doesn’t change what has happened here in the present! It won’t be easy but I think you just need to cut if off and call a spade a spade. I am sorry sweetie but you are almost making excuses for him! You deserve someone that loves you and wants to marry you and wants the best for DD! 

Post # 64
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Girl, in his head I think he does think he is single. You need to block him from your FB or deactivate your own, all you are doing is torturing yourself! 

Post # 66
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Honey, you seriously need to STOP.  Stop it RIGHT NOW.  Does your daughter see you acting like this?  If she is, you are damaging her.  You are teaching her that it is acceptable to be used and  manipulated by a selfish, immature, boy.  He is not a man, he is a BOY.

If you don’t mind me asking, how old are the two of you?  Your posts remind me of my high school/very early college relationships.  I felt bad for you at first, but now I’m starting to get a little frustrated.  You  have a 12 year old daugther, right?  It’s time to start acting like a grown-up.

I remember posting about your relationship before and I made an offhand comment about his reluctance to marry you because of your debt.  You PM’d me and told me what state you live in.  You totally missed the point of my ENTIRE post.  It doesn’t MATTER where you live.  It doesn’t matter if excuse #552 might actually be a somewhat valid concern.  What MATTERS is the fact that there are 551 MORE of them.  You’re doing the same thing in this thread.  You’re only responding to the posts that might possibly give a glimmer of hope to your extremely unhealthy relationship. You’re totally ignoring the posts pointing out how unhealthy and toxic your relationship really is.  You need to read ALL the posts people are taking the time and effort to write and take them in. 

He should really be ashamed of his behavior.  He is acting like a self involved child. And I’m sorry, but in the interest of a little tough love here, YOU should be a little ashamed of YOUR behavior.  People can only treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you.  You are allowing yourself to be treated like a weak, stupid, defenseless child.  You are allowing your daugther to witness you being treated this way.  You are teaching her that it is OKAY to be treated this way.  This is totally unacceptable.  She deserves better.

Again, I say this from a place of love and support.  I’ve been where you are.  I know how painful it is.  I also know that you can get past it if you make the effort to do so.  You have to take that first step.  YOU have to become responsible for your own happiness and the happiness of DD.  No one is going to do it for you.  It’s horribly difficult and it takes a lot of strength and willpower, but it IS possible. 

I was dumped this time last year.  It was completely out of the blue and hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was DEVESTATED.  I couldn’t breathe.  I had to go on klonopin for awhile. Friends came over to my apartment in shifts and sat with me while I stared at the TV screen, not paying any attention to what was on.  I didn’t eat for weeks. We work together.  Still do.  Have to see the EX every day, then and now.  But you know what?  I got through it.  I met my current boyfriend about three weeks later. We live together now and are blissfully  happy.  I never would have met him if I hadn’t been so brutally dumped. I never would’ve met him if I HADN’T gone through that horrible pain.  But I did.  And I would happily do it again.

Please take LadyLuna’s advice, it is excellent.  Do NOT read her post and only see “hey look!  She was with her man over 5 years when SHE got engaged, there IS hope!”  Admit it, sweetie, you were. Stop it right now.  Read the ENTIRETY of her post and follow her advice.  One step at a time. Hell, one HOUR at a time. It’s gonna have to be that way for a while.  The important part is: it won’t be like that forever.  I promise.

Post # 68
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Exactly.  DO NOT CALL HIM BACK.  You’re just re-starting the cycle.  And it IS a cycle that will continue unless YOU stop it.

Post # 71
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t reading the posts, I’m sure you are, I just want to make sure you’re really taking them in and thinking about them.  Sorry for the harshness, just wanted to make sure we were getting through to you.

He’s acting like a child that’s gotten his favorite toy taken away from him.  He wants it back because it’s HIS. That’s the only reason he wants it back.  He will keep calling and begging and pleading but absolutely nothing is going to be different from the last time it happened.  Just remember that and stay strong!

We’re all pulling for you.  ((HUGS))

Post # 72
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Im really sorry about that- but if he doesn’t want to try then you need to move on and be happy you know now.

Post # 76
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

Cute… you have got to stop worrying about what this dude thinks about you.. this is horrible.. you deserve better. Worry about you and your DD and not this dude who is so ultra confusing and what seems to be a big @$$.. I went from 160lbs before a fetal car accident to 290lbs in 2005.. I have as of today gotten down to 231lbs.. but I am still an 18-20 and I feel like a whale, yet my SO loves me and my body just how it is.. IF all your ex cares about is your looks, he doesnt deserve you.. period.

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