(Closed) Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 78
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Cute– I have so many more things I want to say and I dont know where to start! I agree with Ren, quit beating yourself up. Your weight sounds like it was the LEAST of your relationship problems. And trust me I know about weight issues, when I met my Fiance I was 105lb heavier than what I am today. My Fiance is very athletic, but he loved me when I was very overweight and loves me today when I’m a little trimmer. When you find the RIGHT guy for you, he is gonna love you regardless of your weight.

Something else that comes to mind that I think of as I read all these posts….. have you ever seen the movie “He’s just not that into you” it may sounds silly but I think that movie gives a lot of relationship advice, and one quote that sticks out in my mind is ” If I guy acts like he doesnt give a sh*t about you, he genuinely doesnt give a sh*t” Now please dont get me wrong, I’m sure he cares about you, but if he truely loved you and wanted what was best for you and DD, he would have committed by now.

I know what your going through is painful and hard and seems unbearable. But you WILL get thru it, like anything else, it just takes time. Men always want what they can’t have, which is why I think he is trying to contact you. If he is 34 and acting like this, let some other woman deal with him, you dont deserve this. You have to put you and DD first, you both deserve to be loved unconditionally.

I wish you all the best of luck. And tons of hugs. Hang in there.

Post # 79
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

Thanks LezlersCool

 

Cute, I am *SO* glad you haven’t called him back! You definitely should feel good about that. That means you have at least 2 days of strength. Keep striving for more. Each and every second, minute, hour, day, you are getting your power back. Is there a way you could block his number? And YES block him from facebook.

I once had a FB obsession with FI’s ex (curiosity), then it was MY ex (who cheated), then it was a girl that I had a falling out with, etc. I was unemployed and BORED. When I would see them doing well, or looking pretty I would get super down on myself and compare, and obsess etc. (FB IS THE DEVIL) And I would stalk and try to find things and it was just silly.

You know what I did to stop FB stalking? I BLOCKED them. I blocked them and then eventually I would forget that I blocked them and when I would search for them it would come up blank. Then I would forget about it. Now? I don’t even care about these people lol!

I believe you should go as far as blocking his phone number. Call your carrier and have his number blocked. It will drive you nuts at first but it works. Then you should filter out his emails (like Carrie did to Big’s in Sex and the City 1 “isn’t there a place to send them to a place where I never have to see them again?”)

You are very lucky to have a daughter to distract you. Imagine if you lived alone? When you feel the urge to call him, keep doing what you are doing now. Start a convo with her, play a game, etc.

Even if this guy DOES come around with a ring, I’m not so sure if he deserves you. It should not take all this. I’ve read your past posts and he just seems to like playing with you like a fiddle. This goes beyond the typical “waiting girl”. Most guys wouldn’t KEEP bringing up ring shopping on their OWN and then backing out. C’mon.

I can see if you’re the one pushing and pushing but if he’s the one bringing up ring shopping, and then shooting it down and getting mad at you for wanting a ring? He likes the drama. He likes seeing you cry over him and still take all his crap. You are an ego booster for him. Don’t be anymore. I would not take this guy back. If you DO I hope it’s way after a like a year of him showing you he is worth it and making it up. This guy needs to grow up.

I wanted to add that the reason why you are longing for that call or email, it’s because when he does that, he’s validating something with in you. You need to get to a point where you can validate YOU, be happy with YOU so even if he calls or not, it will just be “oh that’s interesting.” It sounds like your world revolves around this man. It happens to ALL OF US.

Post # 81
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ohh and I forgot to add, good job on sticking to your guns ๐Ÿ™‚ I know its hard to not call/text back but youre doing the right thing. We are all pulling for you!! Sorry youre going thru such a hard time.

Post # 82
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hi

Ive read all the posts and I wanted to add in some more motivation for you to NOT call him or answer his calls –

You have to think about what would it have been like if he had proposed? He would still be pulling this crap with you all through your engagement and probably marriage too. Do you want to be one of those girls who has to worry/stress/cry over the wild bachelor party? Feel bummed when he is totally not excited about the wedding? It probably would have been like that and that is not what it is supposed to feel like! When you are engaged it should be one of the happiest times in your life and something tells me that if you were engaged to this boy you would not have felt this way.

You WILL find someone who treats you great and when you get engaged to that person you will be SO HAPPY that you didnt waste anymore time on this guy who doesnt seem to be capable of committing to you.

Also, it may hurt to hear this, but think about the reasons he’s actually calling you – he’s scared to be alone. THATS why he is probably calling you. He may not actually miss you. Hes just scared to be by himself. If he was calling you because he missed you he would have at least apologized.

Sorry if that was harsh – i really am trying to be helpful. You seem like a very caring person who does not deserve to be strung along like this.

Post # 84
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

I was thinking about your situation and it’s worse when you factor in DD. I don’t know how old DD is- but your SO should want to create a nurturing, stable environment for him and isn’t doing that by stringing you (both) along for so long.

You have to stay strong. You have to stay strong to set an example for your kid. We’re praying for you. Hugs!

Post # 85
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee

I know I’ve commented before, but wanted to give you a little more renewed energy to NOT call him. I’ve been reading a bunch of your other posts you’ve started on here, and it sounds like your ex doesn’t take your feelings into consideration at all. He keeps making empty promises to you to get you to come back to him, but won’t show you that he’s committed and ready to take the next step with you.

You don’t need someone like that in your life. You are such a strong and wonderful person, and you need to stand up and respect yourself and stop letting him manipulate you. He’s stringing you along time and time again, and he’s not going to stop until he’s found someone else.

You are an amazing woman, and your DD is watching everything you’re doing. Show her that you will not tolerate a man treating you that way! You’ll find someone who is loving and who WANTS to be with you! You’re doing so well! Don’t give in now!

Post # 86
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Stay strong! You’re doing a FANTASTIC job so far, just take it hour by hour.  It will slowly get easier and easier.  Just remember all of the bad things, all of the pain, and how you are now free from all of it.  Focus on the good that has come out of it.  Also, try to think of this as you not missing HIM exactly, but missing what the two of you once had.  Unfortunately, you can never get that back.  Even if you WERE to get back together (which you’re not! no no no!) it would never be like it was in the beginning.  That time is gone.  Be grateful for your happy memories and come to terms with the fact that it is now over.  Now you can look forward to making new happy memories with someone who DESERVES you!

You mentioned you were on weight watchers, are you exercising?  Exercising is a godsend for me when I’m going through stressful times. When I first got together with my ex, I didn’t do much of anything.  Over the course of a year I lost about 30 pounds and discovered running.  I just ran my first half marathon last month.  It is so exhiliarating and really does help with any feelings of inadequacy you might have.  Most sports stores have running groups you can sign up for to help you meet new people and know where to run.

How about friends?  Do you have anyone that can help you keep distracted?  Also, I  might catch some flak for this, but how about checking out match.com and other dating sites?  That really helped me (and it’s how I found my current SO) to keep distracted.  It helps you to go from “I want back what I had!” to “oooh, look what I CAN have now!”  Don’t look at it as looking for your future husband though.  Look at it as crusing through a candy store. ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 87
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I have been following your post. I think we have all met an ex at one point in our lives, that was not worth all the pain they inflicted us, but we still stuck by them for too long. There are sooo many reasons why these men are EXES. I know you miss him right now; however, think about it, what is there to miss? Excuses not to commit, frustration, manipulation on his part… The guy comes to see you and have sex with you and dumps you on the same day over a silly argument – THAT IS NOT THE BEHAVIOR OF A LIFE PARTNER. IF HE ASKS YOU TO MARRY HIM, RUN! Seriously. You’re in for a lifetime of worrying and this is not an environment for you, nor for your daughter.

Today’s day 3. A new day.
I think day 3 definitely needs some kind of celebration, you are now free! What will you do today to pamper yourself?

Post # 88
Member
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@lezlers – I don’t think the match.com thing is a bad idea, either. I mean, even if dating is wayyy down the line, you can do an easy comparison. Do I want a freeloading jerk that makes empty promises and strings me along with commitment issues? Or, do I want one of these attractive single men here with good jobs and interesting hobbies, looking for a commitment too? There are a lot of hotties out there! Can’t hurt to look ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 90
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Stay strong! You deserve much better, as so many other posters have pointed out. It sucks now but when you find the man who treats you right and is the one for you, you’ll look back on this time and realize how worth it it was.

 

****HUGS***

Post # 91
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this!

He is not over you, that would be impossible after just 3 days right? The reason why he isn’t calling you today is more likely because he is starting to realise that you’re serious about this being a permanent break, and now he doesn’t know what to do.

I agree with the previous posters, that you should not contact him or consider getting back together again. His behaviour shows that he doesn’t deserve you at all. You deserve someone who is willing to give you what you want and need, and someone who will be a responsible parent for your child.

The topic ‘Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors