(Closed) Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 92
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’ve so been where you are. Was with x for 6 years, lived together for 5, we had pets together…i saw him through a year long illness (taking him to drs., staying with him and helping him when he couldn’t move, listened to him, let him cry, etc…), and his kids? They were nowhere to be found while he was ill. Didn’t even pick up the phone.

His son…he started getting ito a lot of trouble at school. He was a very disturbed kid, always purposely getting into trouble- even brought a gun to school at one point. Mr. X moved the son in with us, and to make a long story short..he ended up telling me that because his son didn’t like me, we were done. That he had to focus on his son and all of his issues.

he was with a blonde not even a month later, and we were still living together, with him telling me that he just “needed some time”, I caught him with the blonde.

i cannot tell you the devastation. He refused to move beuuase it would “upset his son” and insisted that I get out. I had to move, devastated, heartbroken, and took on all of the expenses of moving. I moved a short distance away, hoping we could patch it up, all the while seeing him move on with the blonde (they broke up shortly after).

There is a lot more that happened after that. He came to visit me at one point, things looked like they might work, etc…just led to more and more heartache.

Then…i met my Fiance. Looking back now, i can see that my former relationship was always all about him. Him, his kids, his alchoholic mother (who i also helped care for), his drug addicted sister and her kids, his lazy brother who always needed money, his illness, his job issues, etc. i do remember him saying once to me “if you’re in a bad mood, don’t bring me down with you”. Well, now that i am looking back, our ENTIRE relationship was about his problems, his drama, etc. My Fiance is always looking out for me, puts me first in his life, talks to me, and worries if I am in a bad mood (which isn’t very often).

It’s hard to see that your relationship is not the right one, when you have a heartache. But, in time, you will look back and realize that the relationship was not healthy for you, and not good enough for you. Trust me, it WILL happen.

Post # 93
Member
1035 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with the PP’s I think  you should just let it go and cut off any means of communitcation with him.  He doesn’t deserve you or your daughter.  The fact that he would never give you a timeline and give make you empty promises isn’t right.  You deserve someone who will truly love you and your daughter.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this but I believe everything happens for a reason.  This happened so that you will have a loving and supportive man to take care of you and your daughter one day.  Please stay strong I wish you all the best.

Post # 94
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

Stop worrying about him and concentrate on you and your daughter.  It doesn’t matter what he is doing.  Cut him out of your life now. 

Post # 95
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@vegan is so SO right.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  I also believe that doors do not shut without others opening.  But you can’t open a new door without shutting this one first, you’ll get a draft. 😉 

He’s out there, you just need to clear the way for him to find you.

((HUGS!))

Post # 96
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

STAY STRONG we are here for you!!!!!

these are emotional games that is played by immature people in a relationship. you clearly wanted something more. i know it’s hard to shake words/letters you’ve heard/read from him… but ACTIONS speak louder than words. and his actions clearly show that he is not ready for the type of commitment you were willing to give him.

there WILL be a man that fulfills all of your needs. i know it’s hard right now, but you will be truly happy one day.

i went through 4 years on and off of this kind of behavior with my ex. totally driving myself nuts with worry and fear and control issues…

please please please stay strong!!!!

Post # 97
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

He’s not calling because he’s starting to understand you are not calling back, which is good. I do not think he’s out there with someone else, but if he were, that should make it easier for you to see that you’re better off.

As others, I think everything happens for a reason. I think that because of these negative relationships, we’re able to truely appreciate everything about our partner when he comes along because we know how he’s so much better than whatever else is out there. You’ll see that soon, when you meet your MrRightForYou.

Now, you have a whole evening to yourself in front of you. Great. What will you do tonight to have a somewhat good time? Watch a good movie? Go get a manicure? Get out for a run?

You have spent years taking care of him; neglecting yourself. Who took care of you in the meantime? Time to take care of yourself now.

So, what are your plans tonight?%

Post # 99
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

Good for you.  This is a good attitude.  New hair color and pretty nails.  I know it’s really really hard but these are steps in the right direction.  Be strong.  We’re pulling for you.

Post # 100
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sounds like you are much better off without him in your life. Also, I agree with you completely about taking breaks. They are a waste of time…if you can’t fix what’s “broken” when you’re together and work it out, a break will not help. Good luck!

Post # 101
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

Smile You are SO on the right track, Cute! 

You know what makes you strong also? The fact that you come on these boards and you put yourself out here to be judged. You are very honest with your feelings. Even when you took back your ex before you admitted it on here, even though you probably knew you’d get lectured in some way or “let people down”. You did that instead of just disappearing like most of us would probably do (I know I would…). Thats shows you do want change, and that’s what’s best.

Post # 103
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Totally.  How nice I look usually correlates with how crappy I feel inside.  It helps to look your best when you’re not feeling quite there, yet! How’d the dye job come out?? I bet you look totally fabulous.

Just remember, a ring doesn’t really mean anything when you’re with a commitment phobe. You could theoretically be “engaged” forever.  Buying a ring is a whole different thing from actually walking down the isle and saying “I do.”  From what you’ve told us so far, I wouldn’t trust this guy as far as I could throw him.

Keep staying strong, we’re here for you!

Post # 105
Member
846 posts
Busy bee

Keep strong Cute,

Keep yourself sooo happily busy in your new life that you don’t even have time to think of him.  🙂

Post # 106
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

Good girl – you’re hanging in there.  I’m very impressed.  Now, we’re going to get you to a point where you’re not obsessing over him at all.  Not worried when he texts or when he calls.  He doesn’t deserve your attention or energy. 

 

Stay strong and know that someone worthy of your love and your DD’s is out there.  I promise.  

 

don’t don’t don’t give in.  We’re all watching out for you.

 

 

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