(Closed) Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it…

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 122
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

Please please don’t take him back.  He isn’t going to become a different person.  And how much time he wants to spend with you, how important you are to him is a basic facet of his personality.  He will not make you happy.  Try to think of other things.  Start a book, start a tv series, spend time with your daughter and focus on her life.  Something, anything but think about him.  There’s no such thing as magic.

Post # 123
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I absolutely agree with the latest posts and specially with Lezlers. I think its wrong for you to be “hoping that he’ll realize he cant be without and will come back with a ring and propose”. That is just wrong and to me it says you dont really want to be done with him for good. I can understand you miss him but you need to understand that if he’s not sure about what he wants he’ll never make any effort to try and make the relationship progress.

After 3 years he should be making plans with you about your future together. If he cant commit the ring will mean NOTHING. Lez is totally right. He knows you’ll leave if he doesnt give you a ring. And he said “I know what you want”. WTF?? Shouldn’t it be about what you BOTH want? About the life you BOTH want to have TOGETHER??

You need to let it go. Move on. With time you’ll see that this relationship wasnt making you happy and that it wasnt going anywhere. You’ll see that it was a much healthier decision to just move on with your life, choosing whats best for you and your DD.

Good luck with everything! We’re here and we’re with you. *Hugs*

Post # 124
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I just have to say also think about this:

Your daughter is very impressionable at this age. She’s going to see how you react to this situation and she’s going to think that it’s okay to be in a yo-yo relationship when she is older. If you go back to him you are basically saying to her that it’s okay to be with someone that doesn’t treat you right. Please think of your daughter in this and the example this is setting for her. Best wishes!

Post # 125
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

I have to say I am concerned about your daughter too.  I really think all this energy you are putting into worrying about him would be better placed worrying about her.  Just think how you are feeling she must be feeling just as upset as you are and doesn’t have any say in the situation. I would imagine this is very scary for her.

Post # 126
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Hey Cutelittlebuzzingbee!

We haven’t heard from you much today, just checking in.. How’s today going? What’s the thing that you did/will do today to make you feel good?

I read this and I think it’s incredible the amount of support that you’re getting here, by all of us women; even if it must be very hard to read… I know you love this man and you’re hurting, and all of us are saying that you should stay away… You must be thinking that we don’t know him and don’t see the whole situation so we can’t understand what you’re going through.

I read your posts and I see a very generous person. You’re understanding and trying to accept and help him with his problems. You put others before yourself. That’s kind and shows a good heart. It would be great if he wanted to make you happy as much as you want to make him happy – he is your priority, but you are not his. He is centered on himself, and of course doesn’t want to lose you, cause you treat him so well without asking anything in return. That’s not what love is.

You should be with a MAN who naturally puts you first whose priority is to make you happy; you’ll both take care of each other and fulfill your both your needs. This is what you deserve. Love is strong, but sharing goals and life desires is even more important.

Hang in there. Please, continue on your path. Do not take his calls; do not answer emails. Please, please please, plan a cool weekend out with your daughter. You need to keep yourself busy, spend time with her and be away from the house in case he decides to just drop by. What does your DD like to do with you to spend quality time together?

Post # 128
Member
846 posts
Busy bee

God Bless You!  I am sending prayers your way.  I think that egb has said what I wished I could have thought of to say.  I check this post often, to see how you are doing, because I can tell what you are going through is very difficult, and I so want you to have the life you deserve.  Sleep well tonight and have a brighter day tomorrow.  I hope that you get your new job too.  πŸ™‚

Post # 129
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

Hey, I’m really sorry you’re going through this.  You’re handling it well.  But you need to stop worrying about how he feels, what messages he’s leaving, or anything about him.  If he calls hang up, if he texts – delete it.  If he writes, burn it.  Don’t keep it, memorise it, copy it down and write it out on here.  DELETE IT.  Do something positive, don’t dwell on it.

 

I’ve read most of these messages and I’m gonna be blunt with you (from experience).

He sounds like a guy who’s realised his doormat/back up plan (YOU) has wised up – UH OH!  

Maybe he went for the hot girl or something else (maybe that chick on facebook) and it didnt work, so he wanted to come crawling back to “back up plan” and it’s not working.

And fair enough it doesn’t work. F**K him, you can do better.  You and DD deserve someone reliable who wants to shout his love from the rooftops.  Who knows the first time he sees you that he’s going to propose within 2 months and you’re gonna turn him down cos it’s too soon for you πŸ˜‰

 

Do not play this players games.  Change your phone numbers and email addresses, or set an auto-reply to his email address saying “This email address is no longer in service.”

 

 

Haha, I just read the big about a “shut up” ring.  Yes!  I’ve always wanted a name for that.  Don’t accept a “shut up” ring babe, don’t do it.  Don’t accept anything, even a lousy f’ing text.

If you were in his shoes and you loved him and he wasn’t replying, what would you do?  I know I’d be on the first bus, plane etc to your house banging on the door, standing outside with my boom box high in the air playing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” (see Say Anything… movie).

 

You’re all good.  You’re doing great.  Keep him out of your head.: )

Post # 130
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’ve read just about every previous post and want to join the cheering squad – you can do it!  You are doing so well even though I’m sure it’s really difficult and every day that passes you’re going to do even better!  Rah rah rah – GOOOOOO CuteLittleBuzzingBee!!!  All the bees are cheering for you!  Stay strong and be true to your heart!!!  Laughing

 

(p.s.  I apologize for my slightly repressed cheerleader…I never did try out for the squad in high school…) Wink

Post # 131
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve been reading this and haven’t posted before but i just want to chime in and support you, you deserve better than this. I know it’s going to be really hard to give up someone you love, but you are strong and you can do it!

Post # 132
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Congrats on the job interview!  What kind of job is it for?  I think that’ll REALLY help both with a distraction and to help with your sense of self worth.  Going to the counseler more regularly should also help a lot.  I started seeing someone after being dumped hardcore last year, it helped a ton.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you in the job situation!  When are you supposed to hear back?

Post # 133
Member
955 posts
Busy bee

Fingers crossed for the job but no matter what you are a good person and you deserve good things! 

Post # 134
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Sending goods thoughts your way!!! Good Luck and I hope you get the job. Focusing on something new will really help you handle everything better, since you wont have much time left to spend worrying about sad things.

Good luck and best wishes!!!! πŸ™‚

Post # 135
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

That’s really awesome about the job interview!  It sounds like you’re feeling better today?

Agree with lezlers that some extra time with your conselor may be just the ticket, and I think you’re being really smart and proactive to make arrangements for the weekly sessions right now.

Post # 136
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

sending good vibes your way, i hope you get the job!!

hang in there, you’re already making so many steps in the positive direction for you and your DD. keep it going and even though it may get hard at times, always remember that it WILL get better with time… and for those times that you need to vent, we are always here in addition to you counselor/friends/fam!!

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