(Closed) Devastated for my BM – advice please? (Sensitive topic – pregnancy loss)

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.

I think a heartfelt note sending your love and support and any kind of care package would be very kind and thoughtful. Knowing that she/they are in your thoughts/prayers would be nice. 

Post # 4
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think a handwritten letter showing your support will mean the world. Just let her know that you’re there for her…like you said, there’s nothing that can be said to fix it, but at least she knows she has a friend who’s there for her. What about bath and body works product/gift card? 

Post # 5
1760 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

So sorry to hear about the loss. Its tough to decide what to send her. A friend wanted something to help her mope (pj’s and a movie), while another “wanted to just start feeling like herself” (pediucre & cute sandles to show it off).  Some suggestions: Flowers? Pj’s? Gift card to a spa or mani/pedi? Heartfelt note for sure with whatever you decide. 

Post # 6
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This actually happened to my sister in law as well couple years ago (brother’s wife) i am not close to her at all, but i sent her flowers with a note.  My brother later on told me that she was really thankul and put a sort of smile on her face.  Best wishes to your sister in law and sorry to hear such news.

Post # 8
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

A woman I work with just went through this at 20+ weeks. Any sort of acknowledgement such as a card will be much appreciated. I also think the pj’s are a nice idea. You said hubby isn’t very touchy feely, but maybe a gift card for the both of them would be nice.

My friend said the hardest thing was that people avoided her like the plague because they felt awkward. Obviously you aren’t nearby so that’s not an issue, but just acknowledging it in a card will go a long way. And also, make sure to refer to it as a still birth and not a miscarriage as she was further along.

My heart breaks for her. How absolutely devastating.

Post # 9
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think a nice personal note would be appropriate and much needed for her during this difficult time. Although maybe it’s just me, but I feel like pajamas might be kind of strange to send? It just seems like “Hey I know you just lost your baby but here are some nice flannel pj’s to help you feel better.” I don’t know but it just seems kinda strange.

A personal note that comes from the heart to help her through this would definitely be helpful though.

Post # 10
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

As other bee’s suggested a heartfelt note and a little package would be great. Maybe some lotions, candles, bath salts, etc.


Post # 11
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I love the idea of pajamas! My mom got me some when I had a miscarriage and it was very nice and something I could wear immediately and feel a bit better as I was sulking around the house recovering.

As far as the heartfelt note goes – I think it really depends on the person. I got a few handwritten cards that just made me cry all over again because I was not emotionally ready to receive the messages that were written.

Post # 12
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I might be able to help because I can relate to what she’s going through. Although I wasn’t as far along as she was, I went in for my 12 week ultrasound a few days before Christmas and the baby had stopped growing and they couldn’t detect a heartbeat. I had to have a D&C as well.

I think that sending a short e-mail/text just acknowleding her pain and letting her know you’re thinking of her will be very meaningful. I find it especially difficult that some of the people who are closest to me don’t talk about my miscarriage…they act like it never happened. The night I had my D&C however, I got a text message from my SIL saying how sorry she was and that her and my Brother-In-Law were thinking/praying for us. Even though that was such a small thing, it meant a lot to me.

I don’t think a gift is necessary but if you want to get a gift, maybe choose something like flowers or a gift card for her and her husband to have dinner at a nice restaurant. I would stay away from buying a gift that everytime she looks at it it’ll remind her of the MC. 

Post # 14
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

So sorry to hear about her loss. Definitely send a card- I think that would be the most important. I would also consider something like a massage at a nearby spa, or a mani-pedi. Flowers, too.

ETA: Oops sorry, just saw that you already sent something. That was lovely and thoughtful.

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