Devastated – just married and accidentally pregnant :(

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 106
Member
979 posts
Busy bee

Absolutely consider abortion. It is completely safe and effective. 

Also, please reconsider the “pull out method.” It is *NOT* an actual birth control method. Family Planning is a natural birth control method, but even that is not a very foolproof way to prevent pregnancy. There does exist IUDS and sponges which do not use hormones, please look into such things. Your username has 1991 in it, if that is your birth year, you should have looked into such things by this age already. 

Post # 107
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This is terrible im sorry to hear about your unexpected pregnancy..  If you want to terminate let this be a learning experience for you and your husband 🙁 no matter how good the sex is , you always have to be careful… I’m so sorry bee 

Post # 108
Member
19 posts
Newbee

xcv

  • anonbee1991 I want to put this in the perspective it should be-you. First, congratulations on your new marriage and for finding the wonderful person you’ve found. 
  • Right now, you are really overwhelmed and stressed. On top of that, you have a lot of new hormones going through you (something that can really leave anyone in your position feeling truly as if nothing was connecting right). This wasn’t planned and regardless what anyone says, this is a huge surprise that can create anxiety in any way even beyond happiness. I suspect that while you are having a lot of support from your husband, it would be a bit easier if he were more ecstatic at being a new dad and saying he would really like to see you both be a family. 
  • Give it a bit of time. Not a lot of time, obviously but maybe some days when you can accept it and wrap your head around it. Sit down a few times with your husband as it can take some time to sink in to him as well.
  • Either way, good job in understanding the real commitment it takes for a child and take it easy on yourself. You did nothing wrong and are doing an amazing job in this situation. It will be ok no matter what you decide. You already know this choice is yours. Tell your best friend, your husband, how difficult this decision is for you and that it’s just impossible to do this without more of his thoughts; no matter what they are.

All the very best in the start of your new life together and sending a few hugs along.

Post # 109
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My mom had an abortion before she married my father and they ended up having 4 kids together. I’m proof that terminating a pregnancy doesn’t doom your future fertility. 

When I was in high school and college, a friend terminated 2 pregnancies. Now she has 2 kids. 

Don’t let the fear mongering here scare you into making a decision that is not the right one for you. 

Good luck bee!

Post # 110
Member
798 posts
Busy bee

I think you know yourself best and are able to know whether this would be something that would be extremely bothered by in the future or if you could manage it emotionally and be fine. I will say that I have a 4 month old and having a baby is hard, like so much harder than I expected, and she’s an extremely easy baby. I’ve often thought about how much harder this would be if we had financial concerns as well. We’re not crazy wealthy but we had a very healthy emergency fund before we had our baby so that stress was taken off during maternity leave. If I wanted to order a meal in rather than cook or buy something on Amazon for the baby I didn’t have to think about it. That made thingss so much easier than they would’ve otherwise been. From your post, it sounds like you’re leaning towards terminating, and that’s completely okay. Hugs. 

Post # 111
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

As many have said, this is completely your decision. However, based on what you’ve mentioned, I would 1000% terminate in this case. If waiting another couple of years will solidify your career that much, vs. having this baby under financial strain when you’re not ready and potentially living a poor quality of life for yourself, your husband and this baby for god knows how long… I know I would put my relationship and potential future family happiness from that perspective.

However, I’m also pretty certain I never want kids, so my advice comes with that in mind too.

Honestly though, the decision needs to be yours and your husband’s. It’s not fair to be doing this alone, and he needs to have a more equal say in whether he becomes a parent or not.

Just go with your gut and both of you choose what’s right for your family.

Post # 113
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

View original reply
anonbee1991 :  You’re going to be okay.  Huge hugs and well wishes.  I’m happy you have your husband and bff, you’ve got us too. 

Post # 114
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
anonbee1991 :  It sounds like you knew what the best thing was for you and I think it’s pretty brave of you to know that and own it. I’m also happy to hear that your husband and best friend are there for you.

 

Post # 115
Member
11434 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
anonbee1991 :  Huge hugs, bee You’ve had to make a really hard decision, but it sounds like you are clear about it. We are here for you! 

Post # 116
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Bee, in a weird way this health scare was a blessing in disguise. That heart-sinking moment revealed your gut feeling and you’re able to proceed with total confidence. Wishing you a quick recovery! 

Post # 118
Member
3035 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

As much as this isn’t what you’re looking for, the only person that can examine your situation and decide is you. 

I cant imagine how hard it must be but I do encourage you to make this decision with what you feel is best not what other people are going to try to convince you. This is going to be something that has heavy influence of personal beliefs/personal choices for everyone all around. But, in the end, no one is you, no one is your partner, and we can’t speak for being in your shoes or what will be best.

Lastly, while it’s not much, keeping you in my thoughts and hope you will know whichever choice you make is okay. 

Post # 119
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Glad to hear you’ve made a decision you’re comfortable with and using this to move forward with your life in a positive way. Wishing you all the best.

Post # 120
Member
4621 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
anonbee1991 :  I’m glad you were able to proceed with certainty that your decision was 100 percent what you both wanted deep down. 

Hugs to you xx

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