Devastated – Miscarriage at 12 Weeks

posted 4 months ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
7078 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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ac27 :  I am so so sorry for your loss, darling.  Loss is so hard no matter what form it comes in.  To have that hope at 8 weeks, and then lose it all so quickly is unimaginable.

I had a loss at 4+5 weeks in August, so a CP.  I took it very hard, but jumped back on the TTC train right away.  I felt like I had to move forward to get through it.  I got my BFP two cycles later, and this pregnancy so far (I’m 8 weeks tomorrow), has been so much more difficult mentally and emotionally than it was with my daughter.  I find myself questioning everything, every symptom or lack there of, every day whether I’ll arrive at my 12 weeks ultrasound to find out I’ve had a MMC.

This process will be so hard for you after this.  I highly recommend you go talk to someone through this if you need to. And feel however you need to at this time.  Surround yourself with people, or block everyone out.  There’s no correct way to heal from this process.

Thinking of you <3  I hope you get your rainbow baby soon.

Post # 3
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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ac27 :  Im so sorry for your loss, there are really no words I can give that will take away the grief, but I will say that you are not alone and learning that miscarraiges are more common than I previously thought did help. There is a great community here who will support you, I hope you are able to find comfort and peace soon, hugs.

Deciding about when to ttc again is different for everyone and how to heal is very indiviual. I had a miscarriage a few months back and I decided to speak to someone since depression hit me pretty hard. Working through the emotions with a therapist was benefical to me because it let me vent to someone other than my husband and she worked with me right up until I decied to continue on with fertility treatments with my RE. I wont lie and say it isnt scary because it is, but for me personally, trying again has actually helped me. Its given me something positive to focus on and has helped me move forward from the loss. I am also a data person and I did lots of research that showed postive results for many that tried again which I found comfort in. Good luck to you.

Post # 4
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I’m so sorry about your loss. It truly is a devastating experience. I had a MC at 7 weeks after seeing a strong heartbeat just the day before I miscarried. It was crushing. I definitely think speaking with someone can help you through the process. I also read all I could about it and knowing that I wasn’t in some freak, rare percentage of people who experience it really did help. It was hard not to blame myself and wonder if I did something wrong, but as my doctor said, sometimes these things happen and there’s nothing that can be done to prevent it.

We took some time off before trying again and we’re several cycles in now. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t frustrated, but I also know there’s only so much I can do in this process and that’s what I keep telling myself to keep the anxiety at bay. Take as much time as you need to work through this process. Again, so sorry you experienced this.

Post # 5
4585 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. I conceived from my first FET after years of TTC, only to have it end in miscarriage between 6 and 7 weeks – less than 48 hours after seeing the heartbeat for the first time.

We took some time to regroup (and get my body back on track), but we’re back in the game. I did speak to a therapist (free through my work EAP) to help me develop some coping strategies in case I find myself frightened or stressed if we conceive again. We’ve also decided to test the remaining embryos for peace of mind, since chromosomal issues contribute to a lot of miscarriages.

Our RE and nurses are really suppportive, but it’s such a heartbreaking experience. Darling Husband and I were absolutely crushed – I don’t know that I’ve ever cried so hard or so much. I’m trying to look ahead now, and that’s all I can do, but it takes a while to get there. My biggest recommendation is to not rush your grief – let it run its course. 

Post # 6
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I had a MMC at 12 weeks and a D&E about a year and a half ago. I remember going in for the scan and the doctor said the heart had probably stopped within the past 24 hours since it was measuring right on target. It still hurts to think about. Time helps. I’m writing this one handedly as I hold my 4 month old son. 

Post # 7
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks a few years ago. It was very surprising because we had seen a strong heartbeat and I had already had 2 uneventful preganacies with healthy babies. I had a D&C and we kept trying for a baby. My cycles took several months to even out again and I conceived 10 months later. That rainbow baby is now 2.5 years old. I’m sorry for your loss.

Post # 8
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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ac27 :  I’m so sorry. I recently had a miscarriage at 8-9 weeks and it was very difficult, and I’m sure it would be so much harder after hearing a heartbeat. But so so many women go on to have a healthy baby afterwards, and I’m sure you will too (and me too hopefullu). That doesn’t make this loss any easier, though ❤️

Also, I just wanted to add that my 1 year old son (only child so far) has Noonan Syndrome – Turner Syndrome is often considered the female-only version of that. It can be very difficult for the little one and for parents, if the kiddo is on the more severe side of the spectrum. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat about it. Luckily our little guy is doing relatively well. 

Post # 9
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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ac27 :  I don’t have a story for you but I wanted to say how very sorry I am to hear of your loss. 

Post # 10
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

No experience here but I just wanted to say I’m so profoundly sorry for your loss. I just can’t even imagine how crushing that would be and I am SO sorry you are going through this. Sending you peace and love.

Post # 11
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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ac27 :  I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at nearly 7 weeks and found it really difficult as achieving pregnancy was very hard for me. I now have a beautiful 14 month old bubba. My mum had 3 late miscarriages, all at about 12 weeks, but had 5 live births. She ended up naming those 3 bubbas later in life, and planted some flowers in the garden for them. 

Give yourself time to grieve, heal, and recover. Talk to people if it helps. Acknowledge this beautiful little life. When you feel ready to try again, remind yourself that so many women go on to achieve healthy pregnancies after pregnancy loss.  


Post # 13
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m very sorry. I love the idea of a memory box. What a sweet way to memorialize your angel. I lost twins at 9 weeks and was so crushed I didn’t think I’d ever get over it. I got pregnant again right around the would be due date. It was bittersweet but that baby is now a healthy thriving 11 year old. I think to myself that if I had carried that pregnancy to term, I’d never have had him.  Hang in there. You will start to feel better soon. Hugs.

Post # 14
265 posts
Helper bee

It’s such a painful loss, I’m so sorry.

After two easy pregnancies, we were visiting my husband’s family and found out we were pregnant. We were so happy to be able to tell them in person, as they live in another country. Like you, had a strong scan at 8 weeks. We went back in at 13 weeks and had that stomach-bottoming out feeling when the tech is trying and trying to find the heartbeat. Wrenching. I had to have a D&C. I got pregnant again 2 months later with my doctor’s blessing, but had another miscarriage at 6 weeks. They tested and found the embyo had a chrosomal abnormality incompatible with life. My doctor ran blooodwork, though, and found I had the MTHFR mutation. I was put on medication, got pregnant shortly after, and went on to have two more healthy pregnancies. I still think of those lost babies pretty often, especially my first lost which may have been due to a blood clot. I have four boys and sometimes wonder if that baby was my little girl.

Post # 15
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Sorry for your loss, I know how hard this is. My husband and I tried to have a baby for almost 10 years and we were so excited when I finally got pregnant. However, our joy didn’t last long 3 months in and I lost the baby. We had all ready gotten the room ready, my mom had bought some baby clothes. It was the most awful thing and I cried for a long time. My husband and I had just given up at that point as we were over 30 and started to get concerned that we were getting older. A few years later and out of the blue I was pregnant. It was rough in the beginning, as everyone thought I was having a miscarriage again. It did work out in the end and we had a beautiful baby girl who is now 10 years old. I know it’s hard but don’t give up, it will happen for you too. 

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