Devastated over loss of pet – not coping

posted 9 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
2666 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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@peach11:  the only possible way to pick it up in advance would have been to do a cardiac ultrasound at exactly the right time, which is not feasible or practical. Blood thinners can be used to break down a clot and prevent it from dislodging to another part of the body (usually back legs), but they don’t fix the problem of having very serious and advanced heart disease which caused the clot in the first place.  Unfortunately this condition is usually the first sign of heart disease… and some of the worst hearts I have seen do not even have a heart murmur or any signs something is wrong.

Post # 17
Member
10702 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@peach11:  

Oh dear , how awful. There is no pain like it in my opinion. I have lost both my parents, and l loved them both, but l don’t believe the grief was as piercing and uncontrollable as losing , over the years , a beloved cat and two dogs. It is, l think because the relationship is so pure and uncontaminated without any of the difficulties that human relationships have. No one one loves you like a pet does, so utterly unconditionally .

Dear OP, be a mess, don’t hold back anything . Except guilt, you must not le that get a hold, as the vet pp says there was absolutely no way you could have done other than you did.

I should add l think he was quite the prettiest puss l have seen in a very long time, so photogenic ! You will keep thinking you see him from the corner of your eye, or hear the thud of him jumping off somewhere……it’s ok, it’s normal . So sorry, it is so sad. 

Post # 18
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

Oh honey, please don’t waste another breath wondering if you could have prevented this. You just couldn’t have!   I know that the vet knows what she is talking about.  Life is fragile for both us and our furry friends.  You were a great mommy to Monty, and he was lucky to have you.

Post # 19
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Oh bee, I’m so sorry. I agree with msuttman8 that sometimes the loss of pets is the greatest heartache because they are just there to show uncomplicated, unconditional love. 

You have braved through so much this year and there was definitely nothing you could have done to save Monty. It’s hard not to feel that way though when you’ve experience so much loss and lack of control. 

Give yourself grace and the time to grieve. I truly hope that things will get better from here. 

PS Monty is so cute and seems like the sweetest cat. He was so lucky to have someone like you that loved him so much <3

Post # 20
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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@peach11:  Oh Bee, I am so incredibly sorry.

I have lost two uncles in the past 3 weeks (one by long-illness, other a tragic accident) and much and all as I adore my husband, it’s the cuddles I get from my big doggo which have helped me the most.

Imagining losing that…. I don’t want to. I just do not want to. My heart breaks for you (i’m actually sitting here crying for you! God I’m a mess).

The breeder for my pup told me that you will probably have many pets in your life, but you only ever have one “heart dog” (or in the case of a kitty, a “heart cat”). I really don’t want to believe that’s true, because it means you lose a part of yourself when you lose them. You referred to him as your “soul cat” – I think it means the same thing. 

Just know everything you’re feeling, I and every Bee here would be feeling it too. I know it doesn’t provide any comfort to know that the brave choice you made meant he suffered so little – it was the right choice none the less.

You’re a good person and Monty was so lucky he got taken in out of the cold that day and given such a wonderful life. 

<3

Post # 21
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry, Peach11.  My advice is to check out your local Hospice organization(s) – many of them offer free grief counseling, both personal and group counseling, and often also host specific groups for people who have lost their beloved pets.  

Post # 22
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry about your kitty <3 when my cat passed away, I got a tattoo of her and the pain of the tattoo gun made me feel better, almost like I was sacrificing a moment of comfort to memorialize her for eternity. Also it’s bitter sweet, but I recommend reading The Rainbow Bridge poem and just letting yourself cry whenever you want. There’s no speeding up the healing process, but I believe ignoring/putting it on the backburner can actually prolong it. This also sounds cliche’ like someone above me said, but one day thinking of them will not make you cry, but make you smile. I still relive those final moments but all of the good memories overshadow the sadness. 

Post # 23
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

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@peach11:  I can massively emphasize with your pain. I’m so sorry, he was a beautiful cat.

I’ve lost relatives before, but when my first dog (our family dog) died I had never been so sad or deppressed in my life. It took a loooooong time to grieve her death. Fellow animal lovers understand that pets are just more than a pet to us.

I went to grief counseling after it happened and it helped me. It’s something I woud recommend looking into if you’re someone who’s open to the idea of therapy

Post # 24
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m so very sorry. Monty was loved and he knew that.

Lots of other bees have offered great advice. My vet’s office actually offers a Pet Loss group. While I’ve never attended, I appreciate the offering bc it is super easy for non pet owners to dismiss our grief, but as mentioned, pets are family and are pure and love unconditionally. The same can’t always be said about peoeple.

It does get easier. I promise. I lost my heart dog the day before my wedding. and it took us 2 years before we were ready to get another dog. For others, the emptiness of the home is too much. There’s no correct answer.

Love and hugs. Be kind to yourself.

Post # 25
Member
208 posts
Helper bee

I am so very sorry 🙁. I can’t say it any better than @bouviebee, but only reiterate what’s been written before: Give yourself time, do not judge yourself for the strong emotions you feel and be extra kind to yourself right now. Seeing a loved one deteriorate before your eyes is positively gut wrenching. Losing a fuzzy kid is just as bad. You WILL get through this, but it will take time. Sending hugs! ❤️ And if someone is making any demands on you, please kindly but firmly tell them no. Now is not the time. 

Post # 26
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee

Please do not feel guilty, bee! You gave your cat such a wonderful life! I’m so sorry it was cut so short- it’s so unfair that we never know how long we have with them.

My first dog in my family died suddenly at 9 years old- the breed typically lives til 13 or 14. I thought we had more time. He started acting funny laying on the ground and breathing weird and my mom rushed him to the vet and they didnt find anything wrong. This happened twice in the two weeks before he died. Labwork was normal, nothing out of the ordinary.

The final time this happened, I was in the middle of my work shift and my mom called me crying, telling me that his labs came back off the charts and they found that he had cancer and they were doing emergency surgery.

Two hours later, I found out he didn’t make it. I was shocked and completely devastated.

I’m still tearing up about it rewriting this story, over 5 years later.

I can’t fathom processing such grief while also grieving the loss of your Mother-In-Law. I remember your post when it first happened- I was so hoping she would recover. 

Both so tragic and so sudden.

Please be gentle with yourself and your SO- this is a really devastating time for you. Do not judge yourself or even consider the “what ifs”- you did all the right things. Try not to look backwards in this time. 

A grief support group or a therapist could be really helpful for you right now. Also, really try to look after yourself- make sure you keep eating and taking care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your doctor if you’re struggling to cope or can’t sleep at night. There is nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it.

I hope you can get some peace and comfort while you process all of this. 

Post # 27
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I haven’t posted on here because I’m not sure you’ll like what I have to say… I grew up with 3 cats, but one was *mine*. He was my baby. He passed away quickly, the day of my first xmas party at my new job. 13 years ago. I was devastated. I actually still tear up thinking about him. My vet gave out little magnets with their picture and info on it (along with vet #, etc), and I still have it on my fridge. My heart is still broken and I gotta say I disagree with people that it gets easier with time. I don’t cry non-stop every day, but whenever I think of him I do still cry 🙁 There is something so so special that cant ever be replaced with those special pets. I just wante dto say I know how it feels, and cant imagine how much more difficult it is compounded with your Mother-In-Law passing too. Hugs to you bee! Now I need to go grab some kleenex for my snotty teary mess of a self! 

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