devastated, please help

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
10660 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

hawaiian87 :  

No.  It’s not logical.  He hasn’t changed.  He won’t change without a strong desire to change and extensive therapy, on his own initiative.

Is he happy?  Quite possibly. Why not?  He’s gotten away with bloody ass murder for some time.  He chose to cheat rather than break up because he was enjoying having his little harem.  And he will continue to do so in the future.

Your struggle is rooted in your perspective—you’re looking at this as a a good person, so it’s hard for you to understand someone of not so sterling character.  Some people are just bad eggs.

He is what he is.  Your task is to focus on you.  It’s concerning that you would even entertain the thought that you were responsible for his despicable behavior.  Therapy could help you do some realigning of your perspective.

Post # 17
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

hawaiian87 :  It’s very recent and it was seven years of your life so your devastion and sense of insecurities are definitely justified. I went through a very similar situation of a serial cheater and also found out that he portrayed himself to be someone who he totally was not. 

I came to the understanding while overcoming my pain that men who cheat and waste women’s time are insecure and are always seeking reassurance from random women. Trust and believe he will try to comeback and I only feel sorry for whatever woman is with him today because she will be in your shoes eventually. 

I found my true love who has shown me what true love is and sometimes we need to go through certain things in life so that when that special person comes along you will truly appreciate and cherish that person especially because of your previous experience. Remember from focus on you and when you least expect it that special someone will come along and be your true love. Stay strong and focused all things pass and mainly cut off all communication and don’t worry about who he is with or what he is doing. 

Post # 18
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

loveyandsweetheart :  OMG!!! I totally agree with you as that’s how I feel exactly. I’m also extremely happy that there is no room in my heart for anger or bitterness towards my I ex. I feel it’s a blessing that he is not in my life. Congratulations on your happiness 🤗🤗🤗

Post # 19
Member
665 posts
Busy bee

hawaiian87 :  omg you might not believe anyone now bc when I was in your shoes I didn’t but you honestly dodged a bullet. My ex fiancé broke up a me soon before our wedding and moved out the next day. I was broken and never thought I would find anything better. Then 6 months later I met my hot husband who I married this summer and now we are trying for a baby. I’m so happy my loser ex broke up w me. You do not need to deal with your ex. You buy yourself a house you live your life you do you. Joining a women’s gym actually helped me bc working out made me strong and I always felt the support of other women who had been played themselves. 

Post # 20
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You DESERVE someone so much better than that guy. It sucks how it ended but at least you find out now than when you are already married. 

Post # 22
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

hawaiian87 :  Look at it this way, now you have all the money saved up to buy yourself a house! Yippeee!! You dodged a bullet. Don’t feel bad. One of my exes I was with forever, 6 months after we broke up, impregnated another woman and had a child with her! Isn’t that AWESOME! lol 

Post # 23
Member
608 posts
Busy bee

It’s so good you found out about this before marriage and kids! Focus on you time for now, pamper yourself, expore new interests, give yourself time to heal and trust again, it’ll get better. 

Post # 24
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

Girl, everything happens for a reason in our life. He was not a good man for you, and once a cheater is definitely a cheater. 

12 years ago I dated my ex for 4 years before finding out that a) he was cheating on me with miltiple people b) he never planned to marry me. On top of everything he told me he was in love with one of the girls he cheated on me with. I was devasted. I moved to a big city from our town to avoid him and anything that reminded me of him. 

1 year passed by. One day he saw me in the city. Tried to talk to me, said he missed me and all the crap. I did not care. I guess what – he was trying to cheat on that girl with me that he told me he was in love with. They broke up. I brushed him off saying “I am glad that we broke up and you will never change”.

  On top of everything, from our friends in common I still hear years after that he changed GFs, and he was never honest any of them, cheating on them and still not married and does not plan on it. 

Time cures everything and the guy who decided to mistreat you like that is not worth a minute of your time. You will meet a guy who will appreciate YOU, and will love YOU. 

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