(Closed) Devastated-Vent/Advice

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Before I got to the cultural part, I was going to suggest filing charges and getting a restraining order against your father, but if your mother is so ingrained in the culture, it will be near impossible for that to happen.

Is there anyway that you can cut your father out of your life and stay in contact with your mother without her getting in trouble? I am sorry, but that is the only thing I can think of with your mother’s unwillingness to get help.

Post # 5
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

I am so so sorry. Hugs to you. My question though, is this–why is being given ANOTHER chance? By not just you but your whole family? Clearly he’s done this before. He isn’t going to stop. My other question is where are you from? Your location says Vancouver, but you keep referencing “culture.” 

Post # 6
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

If there is anyway for you to get your mom away from him, that would be for the best. One more chance could be her last chance.

Post # 8
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@noritake22: That was my first thought as well. You never know, your mother may not survive the next beating, or she may survive with crippling injuries.

@Bellanouva: I urge you to call a domestic violence hotline. They’re not just for victims of domestic violence, they’re also there to help the people who have been affected by it. They may be able to help you find some feasible options for helping your mother, or ways of talking to her about it that might help her see the reality of her situation. I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this. It’s good that your mother has you in her life.

This is a Vancouver hotline: 604.872.8212

Please don’t hesitate to call. The women who answer the phones are terrific, even if you just want someone to listen while you talk. They will sit with you for as long as you need.

Post # 10
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Bellanouva: I’m sorry to tell you this, but she probably will go back to him. Battered women are rarely able to leave on their first try. Please prepare yourself mentally for that possibility, and don’t give up on her.

It’s really, really great that you’ve been so vocal to your father about your disapproval of his abuse. It’s awesome that you’ve let him know that he’s being watched. Cowardly behavior like his only thrives in secrecy, and by calling him out you’ve forced him out into the light. You are forcing him to think about his actions… even if he acts like he doesn’t care.

And you’re letting your mother know that it’s not okay for him to treat her like this. Right now she might still be clinging to the belief that she deserves it, or be too ashamed to face it. Those are normal patterns of thought for an abused woman. It will take time to break them down, but you’re already making some progress with her.

You and your mother will be in my thoughts, best of luck and keep us updated.

Post # 12
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I am so, so sorry. : ( Is there any way you can talk to your mother to get her to understand that she needs to get away from this man? Can you file criminal charges? I understand that he is your father…but he “beat [her] senseless”, and is not showing remorse. He needs to be removed from your mother’s company.

Post # 14
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Bellanouva: I hope you continue to seek help and that you continue to try to keep the lines of communication open with your mom. Good luck and I hope you are safe. 

Post # 15
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I dont have any advice, but I wanted to you to know you appear strong, capable and willing to do the right thing and help your mom.   You are a great person and best of luck to you and your family.

The topic ‘Devastated-Vent/Advice’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors