(Closed) Devastated…what should I do?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

@amandabeth88:  I think he only texted you in order to just confirm that you are still going to be there.

 

The thing that I have the biggest problem with is that once YOU checked up on the deadline for August, you found out it wasn’t going to happen. What if you didn’t ask him and just let it rest? Or what if you asked him at the end of July? That is so much waiting to do and all you would have done is to get your hopes up for something that wasn’t even going to happen! Consider yourself blessed that you know at least 7 months in advance! You can now make the necessary move. It is up to you.

 

You have a child. You need to decide if this man is worth your time. Personally, I would break up with him or take a much needed break. I would be upset that he did not come to me to say that our plans were off. He would have done that, I think you could understand that he wasn’t ready for marriage. I would also be pissed that he is not addressing this situation in person and is avoiding it instead.

 

Post # 18
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It probably hurts right now the possiblity of being without the person you love but it’s better he was honest.  He could have married you inspite of not being ready and that would have lead to horrible,resentful relationship.  I think you should stick to your deadline and make it clear if your needs are not met you have to reconsider the relationship and your going to need time away from him.

Post # 18
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

amandabeth88:  Well since you posted this what has come to be? I personally would take actions to end our living together arrangements. He could see life on his own and you can start to seek a mature man that is loving for love and marriage to be part of his life and more immedate future. If  your current guy comes around before you find that guy, perhaps there is a future together.

Post # 19
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

Christy42213:  I like your approach to the situation. Some Bees are usually so quick to tell others to leave their men, it’s sickening. She definitely went wrong in placing a deadline on the engagement and of course she needs to re-evaluate things. But telling her to leave him is a bit much.

Post # 20
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Home

Hi, this may be resolved by this point in time, but I think you need to think about a couple of things: Why do you need to marry this man right now? Is it for security? Is it because you think you should be married? Maybe do some soul searching there (I think a lot of us Bees have been there!). Are you feeling pressure to marry him? Are you “testing” him to see what his commitment level is? You guys are young, he may need more time. I’m sure you don’t want to hear that, but…what is so bad about being in a loving, committed relationship? The ceremony and ring won’t make someone a good spouse. If you love him, I would rethink my timeline and relax a little bit…

Post # 21
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

I understand you have a son, but rushing into a marriage isn’t something you should do. You can’t set a deadline on something like marriage.

If you love this guy, what’s wrong with living with him until he’s ready? He didn’t say he didnt’ want to get married ever, he just said he wasn’t ready. Marriage isn’t going to change the relationship that you two have together with your son right now. You’re living together now, so it’s as good as marriage in your sons eyes. 

So don’t just leave the guy because he isn’t ready by your deadline.

Post # 22
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

amandabeth88: I’d walk away, personally. I’d rather be alone than be with someone who doesn’t prioritize me. 

But what’s right for me might not work for you. Only you can answer that. 

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