Post # 1
I know as a waiting woman it SUCKS to be waiting…. months if not YEARS for your SO to propose…. BUT after my experience, I have looked back on my waiting “experience” and came up with a few things…
Proposing is a BIG deal on the guy’s part and I think sometimes us waiting women forget that.
My fiance was NERVOUS as hell to pop the question even though-
He KNEW it was what I wanted
He KNEW I was waiting for it
He KNEW I would say yes
And I dragged him into the jewelry section hours before he finally did
I personally don’t get it but after seeing my SO be so nervous for “no reason”, I really felt a lot of sympathy for a man that is going to propose. Maybe a man can lay down the knowledge on that one- why are they so nervous to do the deed even though they KNOW this is what is wanted or expected.
The ring is a BIG deal – my SO wanted to choose it on his own but he had NO CLUE how to start and starting to look for a ring is in a sense committing himself to you. Usually when a man makes up his mind to marry you, he isn’t going to deviate from that HOWEVER once he has started looking for a ring- it is like a point of NO return. Be cause he has to go into a store or look online, reserve the money for the purchase and be subjected to questions from others who know about his purchase. Even the sale clerk can be intimidating while she is asking questions to help him find the perfect ring.
And lastly- (another I don’t get it) the proposal means a lot to the man. My fiance was very low key with the proposal but he called EVERYONE after and told them this super romantic story about the proposal, the place he proposed at and the sentiment behind his actions. He didn’t “lie” but he did pad the proposal up a bit because he sure enough didn’t tell everyone that he was so nervous that he took 4 shots before asking (and my SO doesn’t drink). It IS his moment and even though I would have LOVED a bedside proposal especially if it meant a shorter wait, I can appreciate the vision my fiance had for himself. His proposal didn’t mean I was “upgraded”- it meant he was ready for our relationship to take the next step. He was ready to be more than a boyfriend. Ready to publicly commit himself to me. (not saying that men who haven’t proposed aren’t committed so don’t get me wrong).
As much as he did the proposal for me, he also did it for himself. He is ready to get married and be a family. He is ready to have more children. And the proposal was that right of passage.
Eh I don’t know- I could be rambling but I just wanted to show the other side from what I learned. I will always be for the waiting woman- I waited 14 months- and it would have been longer if he didn’t get an income tax refund. Proposing is a BIG deal for the man and even though the clock is killing you- you DO want him to do it when it is just right because then you know he is ready for it.
If he is stalling- then you have to figure that out and break it off but if his reasons are legitimate, try your best to give him the time peacefully. After you have “the talk” about timelines, if he needs help, your expectations and whatever else (get it all out with one big talk)- LEAVE IT ALONE. If he is a good man- your man, he WILL do it.
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2011 - Sweet ceremony by the sea and sunset celebration on the North Shore of Hawaii
Can I get an amen?! As a bee who waited years, I couldn’t agree with you more. But I also recognize that every relationship has it’s own set of wrinkles and sometimes the line between wanting it to be perfect and stalling becomes hard to decipher…and difficult to not take it personally. Mr. Bee had a great post on his tips for waiting girls that I found to be super insightful! Thanks for this great post. 🙂
Post # 4
Without going into a novel of details, we went through a rough period after we decided to get married and before he propsed. It seriously put a strain on our relationship because we talked about it too much and I would get so disappointed when it didn’t happen. It actually pushed him away and made him not want to propose (propose, not changing his mind about getting married). We got to the point where he would have to tell me before a big weekend/event/occasion that he would not be proposing and to please not get my hopes up. When he did propose, he did make it a point to tell me that it wasn’t happening 😉
His thing was that the proposal is HIS thing and not for me to control. He had to do it on his time and in his own way. It’s just as important for them as it is for us. The more we stressed about it the more it made things worse and he waited.
When he did finally propose (which was only 4 months after we decided to get engaged now), it was absolutely perfect 🙂
The best advice I can give is to give him space about it and not argue/talk about it all the time. Unless he really is just unsure or not wanting to make the move to the next level, he will do it.
Hang in there!!
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
This is really great advice (: I try to keep in mind whenever I can’t stand waiting anymore that it’s his proposal too. He has all these ideas and hopes for how it will go aside from me saying yes 😉 I need to remember that it isn’t all about me and my hatred for waiting haha
Post # 6
You are so right! My SO hasn’t proposed yet, but when I was being a pain a few months ago, he told my parents that he wants to do it, but wants me to calm down because he wants to do it his way and make it a memorable experience for us both. This made me realize just how important it is to them…and I calmed down. Even though they know we want it and we are going to say yes, they still put a lot of pressure on themselves. It would be easier if they let us KNOW how much pressure they are under so we can understand, but I guess keeping cool on the outside is part of the process.
Post # 7
@armychica06:I appreciate you giving REAL advice without undermining what us waiting gals feel as we continue to wait. So often, engaged bees attack us with a “just be patient” mentality– which clearly, for whatever reason, we just don’t want to hear.
Congrats on your engagement! I read the story and saw the pics. I hope to join you as a newly engaged women within the next two weeks (I’m one of those waiting bees who has a timeline with my SO, lol). =)
Post # 8
My SO put it to me like this once…the proposal is for the man what the wedding day is for the woman. And I thought he was crazy. But you’ve just reinforced what he said. Thanks. Oooooh, and Congrats!! ^.^
Post # 9
Mr. Tattoo wrote a post about this when we got engaged. He basically said men are nervous because they get pressure from EVERYWHERE to have this AMAZING proposal so that we can run back to our girlfriends or blog about the perfect proposal. We swoon at couples who go on these romantic adventures or make up a star in a “movie” to propose and they have to hear about it. It’s like “Awww, he wrote a song on his iPhone and played it at the cinema!” or “Awww, he got together with her coworkers and covered her desk in 20 dozon roses and came into her office on a white horse.” lol So they think they have to have this amazing proposal when most of us would be happy if he did it at home during dinner.
Waiting sucks. I know. I think we all know. It just effing sucks, but we know it’s going to happen. I think we drive ourselves bonkers because we can’t control when, how, and where it’s going to happen.
Post # 10
@FlutterbyBee: That’s the first time I’ve heard that. But it makes perfect sense.
Post # 11
@armychica06: Great post, thanks. Sometimes we get so caught up in the waiting we forget that it’s his big day too (I know I did/do). And FlutterbyBee that was the best way I’ve ever heard it put. I will keep that in mind when I feel anxious about waiting =)