(Closed) DH acting like a child

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

you are a tough cookie for moving to a different CONTINENT while pregnant.  I could never do that, and I certainely wouldn’t be jonesing for a job while there! Just remember he’s probably stressed out over the change too and you guys are probably clashing a little bit just out of nerves.

Glad you got a chance to vent! Just remember how tough you are for being able to do this!!

Post # 4
4824 posts
Honey bee

This is going to sound stupid because its going to sound so simple

but tell him all of this and also some things non-negotiable. Also be clear and precise not general about what you expect.

Picking up after yourself means… 1) your dishes in the sink, clothes in the hamper

If you are in a bad mood, you are allowed, but 1) you have 30 minutes post work to your own but then you must interact with me as a husband and be pleasant

You are pregnant and if he doesnt know what that means ask him to read a book about it

I am sorry you are having these problems ๐Ÿ™ its no fun!

Post # 5
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m with you, he needs to start acting like a big boy :(. I can’t imagine leaving my friends and family to go to another country while pregnant! Have you tried painting the situation in that light for him? I hope things start to get better! 

Post # 6
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know it’s no excuse, but he’s probably finding it difficult adjusting to the change as well.

If you ever need anyone to talk to (in the same country :)) feel free to PM me. I found it so incredibly hard to make friends in the UK (probably because I lived in London for the first 3 years)

Post # 7
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I have to agree with the ladies above. The nerves of moving, dealing with unemployment, and being pregnant are probably taking a toll on both of you, so it’s easy to become irritated.  Now, that’s not excusing his behavior and lack of cleanliness! Instead of asking him to pick up after himself, simply tell him. Or you can write down a sweet list of things you expect him to do around the house. And with the fact that you’re pregnant, you definitely shouldn’t be stressing yourself. Let him know that a marriage is 50/50 and he needs to hold up his end of the bargain. Be sweet and calm when you talk to him, and maybe ask if something is going on at work. I know my FH gets tired and irritable when he has a bad day, and sometimes all it takes is for me to ask what’s wrong. It sounds childish, but it is true.  I definetly agree to let him know he has 30 minutes or even an hour after work to unwind and vent his frustrations, then after that he needs to switch up his mood.

Post # 7
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I’m so sorry.  That has to be so frustrating and difficult to deal with. 

I just want you to know that it’s VERY normal for military couples to experience some friction after being apart.  I’ve seen it with my sister, friends, and I’m already anticipating going through it with Darling Husband.  Plus, with all the transition of moving, you being pregnant, and lifestyle changes, your situation is exacerbated.  So, just know it’s NOT you, and to a point, it’s not him either — some of it’s just a normal part of adjusting to living together again after having your own lives.

However…. with that said… I do think his childish behavior is adding to the “normal” friction couples go through.  It’s not ok for him to run from problems, nor treat you the way he is.  You’re pregnant for goodness sakes, plus you are sacrificing a LOT for him, and he should at least be gracious enough to acknowledge that.

If I were you (and likely someday I will be there too! ๐Ÿ˜‰ )  I would sit him down and have a frank, but calm discussion about your expectations, his expectations, and be really honest with him.  Give him specific examples, and let him know how his behavior is affecting you.  Likely he is going through some emotions too, and that could be a reason for his behavior, and men typically aren’t as good at identifying them, so maybe you’ll be able to help him voice his emotions too.

Post # 8
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Awww Zippy, sorry he is being such a jerk!! He needs perspective – you gave up your job, plus being close to your family, and being pregnant for the first time so that you could move with him!!! I dont’ think what you are asking is too much, I agree with@lefeymw: that you should tell him point blank what is expected. Guys really have no idea what a pregnant woman goes through, so maybe he needs a reality check.

And of course, you have no one there for support ๐Ÿ™ Maybe there are bees near where you are that you can meet up with ????

Post # 9
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can totally see how you feel so frustrated.  Just like you said in your last paragraph-

-You are in another country

-You are pregnant

-You are not feeling well

-You only have 1 car

-You don’t know anyone

-And now your Darling Husband (your best friend, basically only frienship & support there) is throwing tantrums and shutting you out.

Yep, you are dealing with a lot right now.  I don’t think he really is taking the time to understand how you are feeling right now.  This is your first child and a huge move.  You need to let him know exactly how you feel.  He thinks it’s awesome to be home all day, you need to let him know in depth all of the emotions you are feeling and going through. Maybe a letter would be better.  And I would do it asap, because like you already know, he’s your only support there right now and it’s tough to get through the days without him showing affection and concern.

I’m wishing you luck to get this resolved asap for your own sanity.  It’s a stepping stone in your life, you two will get through it!

Post # 11
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Sorry he’s acting like a jerk, Zippy. Soooooooo not cool. I HAAAAATE the whole “you want me to pick up my dishes? Why are you being such a nag” routine.

Both of you are going through a lot right now. Is there a disinterested third party you can talk to (the chaplain, marriage counselor, etc.) to help get some perspective?

Also, are you on base? If so, there are probably some spouse groups you could join. If nothing else, it will get you out of the house.

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