DH and I cannot agree on home renovations

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
3533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Tell him to go fuck himself? 

Politely tho.

Post # 3
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

Your total savings are $15-20,000?  The way I see it, you couldn’t afford the motorcycle and you can’t afford cosmetic house renovations.  What happens when the furnace dies?

Post # 5
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

Oh, I missed the word emergency!  So he’s completely not getting the concept of “emergency” then.

Anyway, clearly it’s your turn.  Yes, point out to him how much he spends on things he enjoys and the inequity of not agreeing to yours.

Post # 7
33 posts

I would say all you’ve said here to him. Tell him you’ve been completely supportive of his wants and hobbies and that you expect the same respect for yours. Yours are actually building equity into your home while he’s buying things for his use. If he doesn’t get it after a calm discussion then he’s a jerk and I’d tell him so.

Post # 8
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

mittenmama :  Okay. Unpopular opinion but just want to play devils advocate a little. I can kind of see where he is coming from- you are spending more monthly for less house, and now you want to spend more money renovating it. You haven’t mentioned a dollar amount or when these renovations would be completed because this is a hobby for you. So I can only assume you just want to keep on going with no end in sight. He may be assuming this as well and it probably makes him nervous because he doesn’t know what your plan is or the spending limit. Which honestly he should be able to have some say in. 

Obviously his spending needs to be addressed here too and you definitely need to make your feelings clear on that part of it too, I totally get how you’d be pissed when it seems totally hypocritical for him to be concerned. But it definitely depends on the kind of money we are talking about here with what you want to do. 

Post # 9
1285 posts
Bumble bee

I can see both sides to this argument since I have gut renovated our last 3 houses.  It always cost twice as much as you think it is going to. Just moving can be expensive with packing, moving and repainting.  You have to pay to re-hook up your services and change out furniture that may not fit right.

 Maybe it is better to start with just one room at a time. Paint and new floors can do a world of good and bring a home up to date for not necessarily a ton of money.  I have also renovated well beyond the potential resale of my house.  The housing market right now is a buyer’s market so you may not be adding actual equity to your house. You need to understand comp’s and a granite countertop is nice but it doesn’t always add value.  I would put that money towards new paint and floors.  Once everything is on top of the floors, it is a pain to move things around again.  You can easily do the granite after you put some money aside for the kitchen and do it all in one go.  Even IKEA makes some pretty nice kitchens these days and there are even nicer products then granite.  

I would keep putting money aside and tackle it one room at a time. It won’t feel so much like renovating a whole house and instead just updating it. 

Post # 10
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

We moved in to a house which ‘needed’ no renovation at all. We have spent soooo much money on it in the last year! Cosmetic stuff does add up. Plus then the bathroom started leaking through the ceiling and was very expensive to fix.

Could you agree an average budget of X dollars per month for you to renovate? It might take longer but be more achievable? And agree a priority list? 

Post # 11
5720 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Just because you allowed him to blow 15k of your emergency savings on a motorcycle doesn’t mean you now need to spend 15k+ of money you currently don’t actually have on something you don’t need yet. Two stupid actions don’t cancel each other out. 

Move into the house, put the blinds up and leave everything else until you can pay for it without taking a loan.  It is better to phase work in a long term home anyway, if you rush to design it before you really know the space it will be subpar and you will end up doing some of it twice.  Taking a loan while also upping your mortgage payments by $200 a month for a smaller house is just stupid right now.   

Post # 12
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

Was it irresponsible and wrong of your husband to blow your savings on toys? Yes, absolutely. But I think it would be similarly foolish for you to take out a loan for cosmetic home renovations at this point. It sounds like you feel entitled to spend money on the reno because why should he get to have all the fun. While I understand that must be very frustrating for you, that kind if tit for that attitude is very immature and could potentionally be financially devastating. 
I think you and your husband BOTH need to become more responsible financially and figure out what your goals are and how to plan/save/budget for them TOGETHER. I recommend checking out Dave Ramsey’s books/podcast/classes.  

Post # 15
1401 posts
Bumble bee

You sound like you’re doing very very well financially, I’m assuming you live in the US, so I know things are a bit different over there, but having no debt other than your mortgage and six months of savings is amazing imo and shows you’re definitely not financially irresponsible!

Saying that, if the renovations you want to do aren’t essential or urgent I wouldn’t personally get another loan for them, I would do them gradually as and when you can afford to. Is that something your husband would prefer? That way you don’t have to use your savings and you don’t need to get into any debt. 

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