DH and I cannot agree on home renovations

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

mittenmama :  oh okay, you didn’t mention that you didn’t have debts so I assumed since it is unfortunately very common for a lot of people. I’m sorry, my bad!

I agree, you are doing very well, congratulations! His programm has different kinds of financial advice in it, definitely wouldn’t hurt to check it out if you want to.

If you can afford to do the renos, definitely go for it, just maybe stay away from the line of credit. I’m sure you’ll have the money you need saved up in no time! 

Post # 17
Member
913 posts
Busy bee

I understand the temptation of giving him a taste of his own medicine, but obviously that’s unhealthy for a marriage. You two are doing very well-off, so he should be allowed to get a motorcycle, and you should be allowed to do your home reno. Have you discussed with him specifically why he’s nervous about the cost? I think it’s fine to bring up the motorcycle purchase, but only as reassurance, and not as ammo to shoot him down. The health of your marriage is still the priority. 

If it only takes a few months to save up 15k, perhaps you can work out a budget plan for the home reno that you’re both comfortable with. As you said yourself, renovations can take *years*, so as long as you’re already prepared for that, putting off a project while you save up for the cost is just going to be part of the process, regardless. If it were me, I’d prioritize my projects, estimate their cost, and then start setting aside a portion of income specifically for that project. I assume this is at least similar to what you were planning to begin with…so I don’t understand why your dh is so nervous about it, if you’ll hardly even be dipping into current savings.  

Post # 18
Member
10859 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

MollyCatherine :  

Every homeowner in the US should have a home warranty.  Often, buyers’ agents request that the sellers pay for them during purchase.  It’s very easy and affordable to keep those policies going or shop for another company.

For the price of a service call (mine is $75), the furnace death nightmare could be on the warranty company.

Be sure that the HVAC is fully covered.  There may be a special clause (and extra fee) for the AC compressor—worth it.

Post # 19
Member
6771 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Make a list, get some estimates, prioritize and then revisit the conversation. It may be easier for him to commit to paying cash for one line item at a time vs a financed, open-ended approach.

FWIW it’s a hella lot easier to do floors before you move in, especially with kids, than it is to deal with a project like that after.

Post # 20
Member
8106 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

mittenmama :  I’m going to be a party pooper – emergency funds shouldn’t be touched. You admit the bike was a mistake so move past that and keep that money totally separate and don’t touch it for renovations. You need to have a separate savings account that is for things that are strictly wants and stick to that budget. If these renovations can be paid for from that extra savings then that’s great! And your husband definitely needs to stuff it if you have that money given his frivolous spending.

I have a heloc and we only use it for renovations/repairs that are needed to keep our house functioning for our family. Particularly because we bought before our market took off so renovations are always worth it compared to trying to buy a finished house in our community but they still need to be things we need if I’m paying interest on them. Recent expenditures include repairing an entire side of our house that was missing and interior wall (yup – it was just plaster and siding!), finishing off previously unused space to make room for the new baby, and repairing our heating and electrical systems.  I don’t use it just because I think a paint color is ugly. It’s never worth paying interest for wants. 

Post # 21
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You know your finances best. All these folks acting like you’re destitute if you’re not sitting on a $100k in savings by the time you’re 30 have evidently lived a very privileged and singular life. I’m reluctant to lend too much credence to their “concerns”. By all accounts, you are killing it on savings & as a nurse, you don’t have to worry about job loss. I’d sit down and discuss actual numbers with your husband and figure out a spending budget and timeline. He might be willing to listen once you talk hard numbers 

Post # 23
Member
8106 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

jannigirl :  I don’t think anyone is saying she’s destitute but it can be easy to think money will last longer than it does which is why it’s important to keep emergency savings. My husband and I have very secure jobs but we’ve had occassions where we needed to tap our emergency savings FAST. If we didn’t have the cash set aside we would have had to go into significant debt. It’s bad enough to deal with a stressful emergency situation but it would be worse if we had added in “and fuck…how are we paying for this?!” 

Post # 24
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m sorry you are going through this. I just want to say the world has a “stuff” problem. We make ourselves happy by buying stuff. Stuff costs even more money to maintain. I think he is reckless but both of you can learn to not have a need for stuff being a hobby. I think it is best to show him how your lives could be years from now with your home paid off. It’s nice your parents will gift granite but does it have to be granite? Once you update one thing now the rest of the house is outdated, which goes back to what I said about stuff costs even more money to maintain. You need things to go with the stuff. I don’t know your husband but I do think he is like I said more reckless in spending. Things shouldn’t be the go-to for entertainment and happiness. 

Post # 25
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee

LilliV :  

It’s a privilege to be able to save 6 months worth of expenses though, some bees on here act like unless you have that in the bank you’re financially irresponsible and destitute. Most young people are struggling to make ends meet and it’s unrealistic to expect them to be able to save $20,000+ dollars (or whatever 6 months of expenses are). I’m not aiming this comment at you, but I’ve seen bees talk about savings as if we all have the capacity to save $1000’s each month and if we’re not doing that it’s because we’re “living beyond our means” or are irresponsible, and that’s absolutely not true for the vast majority of people. 

Post # 26
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

mittenmama :  That’s good that you have a plan. I think it’s really necessary to discuss this with your husband so he feels a part of the decision making process and knows what he is in for. Without any sort of clarification or boundaries on this, it’s totally understandable that he is not really on board. 

Also I agree with PP who suggested that two wrongs don’t make a right. Just because he spent x amount (irresponsibly, I agree) doesn’t mean you should do the same because you feel it’s unfair. Going out on a limb and saying, this is not so much about the dollar amount, than about the fact that you are actually still PO’d about how he spent the emergency fund. When my husband and I have money disagreements, it’s NEVER about the money itself, but about the fact that we need to make money decisions jointly. 

Post # 27
Member
8106 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

ariesscientist :  I get that, but someone who can’t save up for an emergency fund also has no business buying a snowmobile, motorcycle, and cosmetic home renovations. The OP has the means but maybe needs to save a little longer so as to not touch her emergency fund. I totally understand that not everyone has the ability to save, but for people who DO and just DON’T then they are being irresponsible. 

Adulting sucks. And sometimes we need to wait for things we want because the finances aren’t there. 

Post # 28
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee

LilliV :  Yeah I agree she shouldn’t be using her emergency savings for non essential home renovations. 

Post # 29
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Sounds like we married the same guy, we built a house that had everything he wanted but not what I wanted and he agreed to do renovations as well. Well he finally admitted he would never renovate a home (ANY HOME) so I told him that in 7 years I wanted a bigger house with the things that we both wanted. I will give him the 10 years in this one only because of equity. I feel your pain and frustation.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors