DH and I dont agree on what we want in a home

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

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@anonbee401032:  It sounds like you need to sit down with him and create a list of priorities and rank them. In most cases sadly, the average home buyer cannot find everything on their list in their price range. There should be a compromise between buying any home now to get out ASAP, and finding the “perfect dream home” that may never exist. Don’t be so desperate to buy a home. I can understand not wanting to live in your current situation, but trust me, home ownership has a lot of negatives to it sometimes and you don’t want to be financially stuck in something you don’t fully love. Take the time to search for the right one, but your husband needs a reality check on what can be classified as the right one. 

Post # 18
Member
8398 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I found your deleted thread complaining about in-law issues – in it, you say you are closing a home in 2 weeks (from when it was written). What happened with that? Or is that the current place you live that youve just moved and already want to buy somewhere else?

Post # 19
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8398 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@aeroforceone:  Yes, thank you for articulating this! Buying a home as a compromise just for a few years is a horrible investment, and unless you are a proper investor with a good nose for the market you could end up losing tens of thousands of dollars. Very unwise in OPs situation with a single income and children. 

Post # 22
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

If you are chronically ill and unable to work, is it safe and healthy for you to live in a home in a more isolated, rural area? I’m just imagining whether you might prefer to live a city or neighborhood where you would have closer access to stores and hospitals and neighbors that you might be able to call on if you needed help. Also, in a neighborhood, you and your son might have easier access to friends and social connections. Is that something you want?

Or do you like the idea of a rural home, and it’s just the price difference that makes you want the home in town?

If you like the idea of the rural home, then I think your husband has a good point about patience to wait for something that you both really prefer. But if you prefer the idea of living in town, then I think that as the person who spends more time in the home (since you don’t work), your prefernce should matter a lot.

Post # 24
Member
8398 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@anonbee401032:  Was this a compromise house or a dream house?

I’m not familiar with VA loans, but I see you mention them being picky above, so that really sucks. 

Post # 27
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

what was the discussion like when you moved into the trailer? Was there an agreement that you would stay there ten years? Because if the agreement was that it would be very temporary (like a couple years) and now it’s been five and he wants to wait three to five more, I would be sitting him down to explain how mindless and betrayed I felt, and that I wouldn’t never have agreed to it if I knew it would be ten years. 

 

It really feels like he’s putting his desire for a big yard and no neighbors above the feelings of his entire family. 

Post # 28
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

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@nattywed:  misled,  it mindless (not editing because the post always deletes when I do!)

Post # 30
Member
8398 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@anonbee401032:  Hmm.So it sounds like you had a plan for the compromise house, but he got cold feet, and then the loan was denied. Now he doesnt want to go with a compromise at all and has dug his heels in. 

This is more complicated than your OP made it out to be I think. I’d think there is something deeper going on. This isnt as simple as, he wants a big yard and we cant afford it.

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