DH and I dont agree on what we want in a home

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
438 posts
Helper bee

Can you find a rental that you like better until you’re able to save enough money to buy something you will both be happy with? Buying a home in a hot market just for the sake of buying something because you’re embarrassed of living in a double wide doesn’t sound like a very good idea, especially if you don’t intend on staying in the house for very long and your finances are as tight as it sounds. If the market slows down you may be stuck in the house for far longer than initially intended, so I can understand why he wouldn’t want to do that when he’s confident you will be able to afford something better in a few years. 

Post # 47
Member
9183 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If the VA is being as picky as you say then they will likely knock back anything in your budget during a sellers market. A one income family is a risk for any lender and add over inflated house prices to that and you get risk with a capital R.

I made most of my money in real estate and on the information you have provided I am with your husband. It makes no sense to buy right now given your situation. Interest rates are tipped to stay low for a few years. I would continue saving and then even if your husband doesn’t get his promotion you will have a better base to start with. 

I also want to point out that most people forget to budget in things when buying a house. Things like extra furniture, insurance costs, taxes (and not just on the sale of the property but ongoing taxes) and yearly maintenance. Then add in extra fuel costs if you move rural etc. I would really look at your whole budget and make sure you both understand what moving to one area over another actually costs.

Post # 48
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

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@lifeisbeeutiful:  

if I’m understanding OP correctly, there are houses with garages and yards in their budget – just not huge yards or detached garages, and not in as rural an area. 

I agree it’s dumb to buy a house only to sell two years later. They should buy a house they can afford and live their long term. 

Post # 49
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

That raise could never materialize, the company could go bankrupt, the owner could pass away, 10 years from now you could still be waiting for his boss to retire. And you would have lived in the trailer for 15 years because, dream home or nothing.

I like to live in the present not waiting on some shiny future that may never materialize. We all only get one life and it’s happening now. You can afford a nice comfortable home. To me, it’s like saying I am going to drive this 1990 Toyota Camry till I can afford a Lamborghini.. instead of just upgrading to something you can comfortably afford at present. 

You can comfortably afford a nice home with a small yard and garage in a quiet neighborhood. He wants land, no neighbors, and a detached garage. A compromise to me would be a nice attached garage on a quarter-ish acre in a neighborhood. It will be a minimum of 5 years if everything goes to plan to be able to afford the house on acreage.

I’m not living in a double-wide for 10 years and raising my children there when I can afford not to. Period. It was supposed to be temporary, it’s been five years and will be another five. Buy a nice house you can afford and save for the future dream house. Now if the house had no garage, zero yard and was smaller than the trailer, that’s not the one, as it’s not an upgrade. But if it is an upgrade, larger home, small yard and a garage. I’d upgrade.

My first home cost less than half of my current home and my dream home would cost double my current home. Realistically the dream home wasn’t on the table. In my price range, there were certain compromises that had to be made.

If you would be able to afford the “forever” home in 1-2 years I could see your husband’s point but, you can’t. There’s nothing wrong with working your way up. I made a really nice profit on my first home and owned it for 4.5 years. You could sell it or it could be a future rental property. Also, you don’t have to sell the home you buy the second you can afford another one.

I would sit down and really figure out what you want. If it’s important for you to raise your family in a home that isn’t in a mobile home community that’s perfectly valid.

 

Post # 50
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Why does your husband need a garage, let alone a detached garage?

My husband and I moved into our stepping stone house 2 years ago and it has majorly improved our lives. The only downside is that now we have a little of what we love we now want a lot of it and to move asap. 

Your husband’s promotion might never materialise, if 2020 has shown us all anything, surely it’s that you can’t live for tomorrow. His boss might change his mind about leaving the job to your husband or your husband might change his mind and want a career change, who knows?

Moving to our stepping stone house has allowed for changes in my life I hadn’t ever thought possible and am now launching my own business. That just wouldn’t have been possible before. It might mean we have to live here longer if it doesn’t do well, but it might also give us more income sooner than we had thought and mean we’re able to move sooner. Having my own business was a dream that I hadn’t thought could come true, but changing my living situation has enabled it to happen. 

Also, and this is a small point compared to everything else you said, why can’t you get a dog AND a cat? Adopt them young and raise them together, it’s what we did and it really is the best of both worlds!

Post # 51
Member
844 posts
Busy bee

Regarding the issue of your son’s friends not wanting to visit and their parents not allowing them – I’d be giving three loud cheers.  Those are not the kind of friends you want for your kids.  And I’m not saying this lightly.  When I was a kid, we were living in similar circumstances and a lot of parents didn’t want their kids to play with me because of where we lived.  Which was really tough.  But long term, I benefited, because I learned what mattered in life very young.  And I also learned that it’s better to have one or two friends who value you for who you are, than a load of ‘friends’ who only hang out with you because you ‘fit in’.  So while I can sympathise with how your son might be feeling, I can also see that this isn’t going to be doing him any long-term damage and will probably actually be beneficial in helping him be more grounded.

Regarding the house – it really depends on your local area, how much you are paying for your current place, how much you would have to pay for a modest house and what the housing market is doing.  And you really need local advice for that.  But I would be cautious buying anything right now, unless buying outright – it looks like most of the world is going to be heading for a recession, and you don’t want to get saddled with negative equity on your new house.  So while it’s frustrating, I think it may be wise to sit tight and keep saving for a while.

Post # 53
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

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@anonbee401032:  

This is a really vague update, which I understand if you’re just tired talking about it to us. But I hope you are being more concrete with your husband?? Don’t let it sit at waiting “a while” for something “amazing”. Decide together exactly how long you want to wait – 6 months, a year, two years, three years? And decide together what would be an acceptable house, what does “amazing” mean?? You are setting yourself up to just live in the trailer park for another five years. If you were happy with that fine, but I don’t even know you and I know you’re not happy with that at all. 

Post # 56
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

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@anonbee401032:  Migraines are the worst! Remember this is a problem on a long timeframe…it does not have to be solved right now or this week or this month. Take your time with it, consider options carefully.

For now it sounds like you need to be in a dark room with something cool over your eyes and just try to relax for a few hours. Take care of yourself. 

Post # 57
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

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@elodie2019:  ” I made a really nice profit on my first home and owned it for 4.5 years.”

One thing to consider is the timing and market for this advice to work. I did the same on my starter home, but that was a different economy. I bought at the bottom and sold at the top. But, we are at the top now… I am not sure how much higher prices will go, ever. The opposite is actually true right now and this is part of how we had the great housing boom 10 years ago. You’ll buy high and in 1-2 years with the shape of the economy, it’s more likely you’ll lose 50% equity not gain more. 

For reference, I bought in 2012 for 250K and sold in 2018 for 430K. That same home is now worth ~450K. If someone were to buy it at that price, they would likely never make much money on it, because I can’t see a 3 bedroom house selling for 500+ or if it does then the world is in deep crap already. It is more likely that prices will drop and the people we sold that house too will be under, just like the people I bought it from (they had 450K mortgage and short sold it to me for 250K).

Just more for OP to consider. The current economic climate and housing market do not justify buying just to buy when it is not 1000% what you want in the event you’re stuck in that house for 20 years. 

Post # 58
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

 

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@anonbee401032:  I know you already came to decision, but I just want to say I’m on your side! I think even without your son in the picture, buying a house you can afford now is the best decision. There is nothing wrong or shameful about a trailer park, but frankly, if I had the option to move into a single family home with a yard and garage, I would. This is assuming the house is in a comfortable price range and not a stretch. Your husband wants his dream home, but there is no guarantee if or when that will happen. Promotions can fall through, savings can be depleted on other expenses, etc. I would understand not wanting to purchase an apartment without a garage, or a town-home with only a small patio…. but it sounds like you can afford something with a yard and garage. 

Post # 59
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

 

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@anonbee401032:  Good grief, people on the husband’s side… It’s totally normal to take small steps on your way to your forever home. There is nothing wrong with buying what you can afford now and moving up to bigger and better when you are able. Real Estate is one of the most stable investments out there. Even if the market did crash and your home devalued by say 40%, AT LEAST YOU’D BE LIVING IN A HOUSE NOT A TRAILER! The value of your house only matters when you want to sell it. If that happens, well then don’t sell it. And… (sorry, I’m in Real Estate and I could go on forever..) IF your home price drops, then *husband’s* dream home price will drop too. It’s all relative. 

Post # 60
Member
6165 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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@stella678:  sure, wonderful way of dreaming. Did you read about OPs chronic illness and how the VA loan rejected their home offer last month?

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