DH and I fought over smoke alarm

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 136
Member
7716 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

jellybellynelly :  I don’t think so…if the genders were reversed and she was the one telling her husband, after he made her a meal, “don’t cook until you can learn to use the oven!” – I’d be just as disgusted.

Post # 137
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Supersleuth :  We do know who spilt the grease. OP says so in her post. We also know that it wasn’t a one time spill she wasn’t able to completely clean, because OP says so in her post. We also know that her husband is normally patient, and she also specifically mentions that he did not curse at her. So, if OP consistently spills grease (as in “sometimes when I use the oven”), and consistently sets off the smoke alarm (“set off the smoke alarm several times”) then OP needs to be more careful and clean up after herself. 

I’ve set the smoke alarm off several times at home because sometimes when I use the oven there’s a grease spill and I can’t figure out how to get it all out so the oven smokes. Last night I set off the alarm again and normally patient Darling Husband”

 

 

Post # 138
Member
10070 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

This thread is so silly. I love it. 

Post # 139
Member
2976 posts
Sugar bee

jellybellynelly :  I believe that the OP had attempted to clean the spillage several times. 

If I was making someone a meal and the smoke alarm went off and then the person who I was making a meal for came in and swore and shouted about the smoke alarm then I wouldn’t make that person a meal. That person would have to make their own.

Of course, if the grease/oil spot will eventually burn off so one strategy would be (safety permitting) to carry on setting the dratted smoke alarm off a few more times thus acclimatizing the husband to the sound of the alarm going off and in the process turning the grease into carbon dioxide and water. 

Other options: move the smoke alarm, hire a company that cleans ovens, cook outside on the barbie, buy husband earmuffs, get a swear box ($200 per swear word and double for every word beginning with ‘f’), buy new pans, use a microwave, embrace paleo recipes (no cooking involved), refuse to cook, buy an induction hob, not forgetting anger management for him and assertiveness training for the OP herself.

Goodness knows what she is thinking right now. Start a thread and watch the weddingbee madness prevail.

 

Post # 140
Member
7716 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

slomotion :  I have to agree with you there lol. It is pretty funny that we’re on p. 10 and OP hasn’t chimed in once since her first post. Clearly this topic strikes a chord with people, myself included!

Post # 141
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think anyone on this post has said that the husband was right for his reaction but many people can UNDERSTAND his reaction. Nothing happens in a vacuum and OP is the one who has come here to complain about her spouse. All we’re saying is that if he responded so harshly, especially when he normally doesn’t, she needs to look at what she did to exacerbate the issue. The response is not to sulk about what happened and complain on a blog. She is asking so we’re responding to her.

Neither of them is right in this situation but she has to ask herself how she contributed to the problem and be a grown up. She can’t control him but she can control her reaction. And I’d say the same thing to him. You’d be surprised in marriage, when you change your approach for the better, that’s the best way to get a positive change out of your partner too.

Post # 142
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

Wow I can’t believe I actually read all of this (slow work day). Anyway OP if you ever decide to come back, here’s my two cents to your questions: 1. Yes you should forgive him. 2. Yes, other couples go through things like this. 3. He was probably annoyed that this is the 100000th time the detector went off. 

I will just echo the fact that you both need to work on your communication skills. Let him know that his reaction was not okay with you. But, if everything is great between you two except for the one time that your husband dropped a few f-bombs then I’d move on.

Post # 144
Member
2505 posts
Sugar bee

The swearing doesn’t bother me, and it was directed at the situation not at the OP.

I’d be pretty irritated if my SO kept setting off the smoke alarm when cooking, due to greas spills that were not properly cleaned up.  So I can understand the husband’s frustration although he could have handled it better.

An angle I don’t think anyone has considered:  If someone in my house kept creating grease spills that weren’t properly cleaned up and this kept setting off the smoke alarm, frankly from a safety perspective I would be concerned about kitchen fires.  He may have been thinking about this when he said you shouldn’t be allowed to use the oven?

Post # 144
Member
5860 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

How on earth is this thread still going?

Post # 145
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

zzar45 :  Who knew people had such strong feelings about oven cleaning?

Post # 146
Member
991 posts
Busy bee

I don’t even clean my oven myself and yet I keep coming back to this thread to see how people feel about OP’s situation, trying to figure out why this is the hot thread of the weekend.

Post # 148
Member
913 posts
Busy bee

Hi my name is Mrs.MilitaryBee and I am an oven cleaning addict. I secretly relish cleaning my oven once a month. I married another oven cleaning addict, who has embraced my need for cleanliness before I put any food in the sweet heat box from heaven. We marvel over oven cleaning products and we sometimes argue over who gets to do the cleaning. Its become a competition for the cleanest by us addicts. 

There is no help for us, only a cleaner oven. 

Post # 149
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee

jellybellynelly :  I think it’s different if the husband TRIED to clean it and was not successful. It’s not out of the question to suggest the wife help him. 

If my husband tried to do laundry but failed every time, I would help him do it properly so he could learn. Not just roll my eyes and tell him to be an adult and figure it out. 

Post # 150
Member
12490 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

anonagrsta :  “Last night I set off the alarm again and normally patient Darling Husband (who usually grabs a towel and starts waving it around to stop the alarm) lost his cool and shouted not f**** again every f**** time and said if u can’t use the oven right then don’t use it at all (so he didn’t swear at me”

I know this thread is like beating a dead horse but I do take issue with the idea that the husband was just swearing at the alarm or in frustration and not at the OP. In context it’s pretty clear who he’s angry at and who he’s cursing at. 

He owed her an apology for the way he escalated this. 

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