(Closed) DH and I possibly moving to ANOTHER country…thoughts? LONG

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
3371 posts
Sugar bee

@texasbee:  Is there any way you husband could get his father a job if they moved with you to the new place? That could solve that issue right there. It would exciting to see new places. I’m not sure where in Asia you’re talking about. I have a friend who lived in Japan (her H was US military) and she absolutely loved it there.

Post # 4
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

If you ask me, I’d distill all of your pros and cons down to this:

Money and adventure (go to Asia) vs. family and work/life balance (stay in Europe).

Your decision to make.  Before it got to the dad thing I was 100% on board with going to Asia.  The dad thing is a heartbreaker though, so I don’t think the decision is clear. 

Post # 5
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Do you speak the language where you’d be going?

Post # 6
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I was all for moving, but the Father-In-Law issue is a huge factor. Is there any way for him to travel with you? has he made friends there or does he only really see you and your DH? That’s the toughest factor to overcome.

Post # 9
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

That’s tough.

I think it would really depend where in Asia.

Would he be working in an Asian environment or a western environment?  I heard it is very hard for a westerner to fit into an Asian environment.  If his collegues are all Asian I think it would be really really difficult for him to fit in, and also their work ethic is pretty much the opposite of Europeans.  They work non-stop.

These would be my primary concerns.

Also you’d have to see if his pay increase did increase your lifestyle.  Cities like Singapore and Tokyo will gobble money so fast you donno where it went.  So pay raise might look good on paper but not when you actually try to live with it.  That’s what happened to us.  Went from Europe to NYC, and technically we have “more money” but in reality we have way less, and haven’t managed to save a cent, while in Europe we had plenty of disposable money.

Post # 10
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@texasbee:  Honestly I wouldn’t move without speaking the native tongue, especially if he was going to be working and I wasn’t.  If you’re in an insular society with a lot of other Americans, that saves you from the challenges of not being able to communicate, but also prevents you from experiencing any of the culture, and I think it’s a genuine shame to have an opportunity for full cultural immersion and not be able to take advantage of it because you can’t communicate.  While there a large number of English-speakers worldwide, it is much more difficult to make your way around Asia without any of the local language than it is in Europe. Many English words have roots in European languages, or share a common parent language, so you can smile and nod and muddle your way, but not so easily done in Asia. And while people in many countries (especially Japan) are incredibly helpful, there are also some cultural barriers that mean you have to have at least the basics if you want to be anything other than a tourist there.

Post # 12
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I say do it. Where in Asia? My family moved to the Philippines 3 years ago for my dad’s work and also as missionaries. My parents and youngest sister are still in the Philippines and my other sister and I are back in the states. We had a BLAST. It is SO fun experiencing another country. When we were in the Philippines we traveled to Hong Kong, Thailand, Japan, Korea, and Guam. It is so nice to be so close to other countries so if you need a break you can go explore somewhere else for a week. (Just read that your Darling Husband might be supppper busy—but it could be an option) I say go for it. Not very many people have the opportunity to be an expat and explore other cultures. 

Post # 13
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am in a very similar stuation with my DH’s job and not being quite ready to leave my job except we have no affiliations with working for the government. Adoption and Father-In-Law are issues we don’t have to consider either but leaving Europe and moving to Asia is an appealing option. I would agree that ou would need to look at the cost of living beyond just housing, things like going out to dinner, buying groceries, public transportation can add up if you are not prepared BUT having housing covered is huge. Based on your notes about English teachers, I could guess you may be refering to South Korea where I hear teaching English is in high demand and could be an easy way for you to both integrate into the community and pick up at least part time work without speaking the local language. I have met several expats who have spent time in Asia and hear that the communities of expats are generally stronger in Asia (examples from Hong Kong and Malasia) for better or worse you would likely not be the only foreigners. We are in the situation that my Darling Husband is trying to find a position outside of Europe and while I would love to go back to the US, there is something eciting about living on the other side of the world for a few years. So, I would say do it, it sounds like it would be a great step in your husband’s career and an adventure for you (just be prepared that you may need to get out and explore on your own).

On the other hand, the situation with Father-In-Law sounds very diffiult. I would hope that he and his wife would be happy to stay in Europe as it sounds like he is close to retirement and not in a good financial position to move. Maybe you guys could work to get SMIL involved in a volunteer organization that you know or some other community activities before you accept a move? If it were my parents, I would lay all the options out for them and be clear that you want to take this promotion (if that is what you both decide) but that you do not want to leave them. I imagine Father-In-Law does not want Darling Husband to hurt his career on his account but think it is fair to ask Father-In-Law for his input before making a final decision.

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