Ok well I HAD written a wonderfully long post, but WB was undergoing maintenance, and it got deleted. So, here’s the short version:
YOU ARE OVERREACTING. You are only going to cause drama.
I am the sister in a very close sibling relationship (in fact, a VERY close family). It is just my brother and myself, so we are extremely close. Do we tease each other? Sure, but it’s just in jest, and if it goes to far, then neither of us are afraid to tell the other, “hey that hurts my feelings, let’s take a step back from the teasing”. Most of the time it’s stuff like, “haha I’m the favorite child, you’re just the red headed step child” (my brother has red hair. I call him my “precious ginger muffin”), or “haha I’m the favorite child, Mom baked MY favorite food because she loves her son more”. You know, stupid stuff that we know is not true and that we laugh about.
My brother and I made a pact many years ago to ONLY bring home people we know our family will love. We only have each other, so the only sister I will ever have (Mr. LR is an only child) will be my brother’s wife. I want to love her like she is actually my sister. I want a wonderful relationship with her, and I want her to feel the same about me. My brother feels the same say about my future husband. My husband (and my brother’s wife) will be someone we both can love. If my brother didn’t like Mr. LR, then we wouldn’t be together still. If I don’t like my brother’s SO, then guess what? They won’t be dating any longer. Obviously, it’d have to be legitimate reasoning, but we are close enough to know what’s legit and what isn’t.
Here’s where the tough love comes in:
Their relationship was created LONG before you were ever a thought. This may be harsh, but it’s the truth. I know, I know, he’s supposed to put you and your marriage first, which is true. However, you need to look at it from the other side. He only has ONE sister. If she’s not batshit crazy and their relationship is healthy/loving, then you need to back off. If they’re not teasing you, and it doesn’t effect you, then back off.
Do you know what would happen in MY family if my brother came to me to tell me his wife/gf/SO did not approve of our loving and healthy sibling relationship? I’d tell her that she either needs to grow a pair or GTFO. That sibling relationship is not going to change. You causing drama by creating a stink is only going to make you look bad and hurt you. I personally would think that a. my SIL hated me for no reason and b. my SIL was trying to drive a wedge between me and my brother and separate/mess up our good relationship. I’d be devastated and VERY angry because I had honestly done nothing. Let me tell you how it ends: the sister always wins. You’ll only cause your in laws to dislike you because you are causing drama and they will think you are trying to break up their family.
Last note, just because YOUR family isn’t like your SO’s family does NOT make your family better. Just because your family is not like your SO’s family does not mean his family relationships are weird and/or inappropriate. Every family is different. My family is very close (all of us, even extended family), and Mr. LR’s family is not. Doesn’t mean his family sucks and mine is better (although I am obviously more comfortable with my family). You need a reality check, and you need to back off before you cause major damage.