(Closed) DH being sketchy or am I paranoid??

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
5771 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’m sorry but you’ve only been together 14 months total now and yet you lived together for “quite a while before you got married”? That just isn’t true. If this has been happening for a few months and you only got married in February it’s likely he was like this the whole time and you chose to ignore all the the flags because you had rose tinted glasses on.

Post # 3
Member
4196 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

Nope! This is a complete behavior change, something is up. I’d be asking to see his phone right away. I’ve had a sneaky spouse before, I didnt think it was a big deal, “he’s just very private”.. Yup, he was just very private… about his affairs. I would have no qualms asking my SO to let me see his phone right now and if he didnt, he could help me pack after such a dramatic shift in behavior.

Post # 4
Member
1858 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’d be really suspect given how drastically he has changed his phone habits. I’d be wanting to know why if I were you. Ask him. 

Post # 5
Member
2660 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry to say this, but 9 times out of 10 someone being sketchy with their phone is hiding something. Particularly if they weren’t secretive with it in the beginning and then suddenly change their behaviour. 

If I were you I would try to eliminate the possibility of it being a coincidence before confronting him, because right now he could easily explain these things away. Next time you go for a drive say “hey why don’t we put on that album by such and such band that you have!” or next time you go out for dinner intentionally forget your phone and ask to use his to text someone or make a call. It will limit his ability to brush it off and call you ‘crazy’ (which i don’t think you are) 

Post # 6
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

Either he’s planning an amazing surprise for you or he’s cheating. 

Post # 7
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Super sketchy. I’m sorry. My friend went through infidelity and used the website SurvivingInfidelity.com to help her figure out what to do – it was super helpful. You might consider posting there. They apparently give great advice on how to find out what’s up without giving yourself away.

I will say that she said the unifying factor of everyone’s stories was people being really protective of their phones and having a new password 🙁

Post # 8
Member
5047 posts
Bee Keeper

14 months isn’t that long.  Of course it was great – you were in the honeymoon period and on your best behavior.  Welcome to reality.  This has been going on for a couple months?  That means 14% of the entire time you’ve known him he’s been acting sketchy.  He has been acting sketchy for 33% of your marriage.  He has been hiding stuff from you for one third of your marriage.  Are you really going to claim to be so confident in your knowledge of him when such high percentages of both the time you’ve known him and your marriage have consisted of him acting sketchy and suspicious and being hyper-defensive?

Post # 9
Member
7558 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sketchy AF, and agree with pp that “we lived together for quite awhile” is simply inaccurate when referencing a relationship that’s barely over a year old. If I’m understanding your timeline right, you started dating around June 2017, got engaged four months later in Oct 2017, moved in together in Dec 2017, and married two months after that in Feb 2018? So you lived together for two months before you got married and are trying to describe that as “quite awhile”? Am I missing something?

I’m sorry bee…I know this isn’t what you want to hear. As for what to do…this may be an unpopular opinion, but if I were you I’d be snooping his ass. Like I’d try to figure out his pass code and then grab his phone when he’s in the shower sometime. 

Post # 10
Member
15135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sketchy.  Even if it wasn’t a change in behavior, it’s sketchy.  I’ve been with my husband 10 years now and we still don’t have PWs on anything and are free to pick up each others phones for things like music or responding to text messages for each other if we are driving.

Post # 11
Member
1759 posts
Buzzing bee

Cheating

Post # 12
Member
5168 posts
Bee Keeper

You’re not paranoid; you’re observant.

Post # 14
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

 Agree with PP, definitely sketchy. The only time my wife tried to hide her phone from me was when she was planning a birthday surprise. Otherwise, nothing like that has happened and I don’t think it’s normal. He’s hiding something, I’m sorry bee 🙁

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