Post # 1
Long time user using new account for this one…
Married in February after becoming engaged in October. We have been together about 14 months and were very serious right from the start.. one of those relationships where we just knew from the start that it was different. We moved in together after about 6 months of dating and no problems there. Everything was really great until after the wedding and tbh I’m not sure whether something really changed or if somehow being married made me paranoid or what. I’ll try to explain as best I can but I donno if it’ll make much sense.
Like I said, we were living together for quite a while befoer we got married. We have always both been pretty open with our stuff, like if we are driving and his phone is set to bluetooth he doesn’t care if I grab it to pick a new playlist or whatever, or to google directions, etc. He plays games on his phone a lot and I’d make fun of him by peaking over and joking about whatever dumb game he was playing. He would see me on weddingbee or reddit on my phone and laugh make fun of me. If one of us was driving, we would let hte other person answer a text message that came in.
Well, over the last couple of months I started to notice that he is a bit private with his phone. Like, he tilts the screen in a way that isn’t super obviously hiding something, but where I can’t just glance over and see it. And he uses a pattern lock now which he never did before – it was always just unlocked – and I don’t know the pattern and he always does it really quickly and again at an angle that I can’t see. And now that I think about it, it seems like the last several times we have gone somewhere and he ws driving he just left it on the radio nad kept his phone in his pocket instead of in the spot under the dash he ususally puts it.
What really has me suddenly thinking about all these little things is that the other night we were in bed and both playing on our phones and I went to lean over to look at his phone and he gave me a weird look. I brushed it off but then later I went to do it again and he turned his screen off and asked me why I was trying to look at his phone. I said no reason I was just curious what he was doing and he said I was being annoying. I asked him why he was being defensive about it and he said he wasn’t he just doesn’t need me snooping over his shoulder all the time.
Do you guys think something is going on or am I just being crazy???
Post # 2
I’m sorry but you’ve only been together 14 months total now and yet you lived together for “quite a while before you got married”? That just isn’t true. If this has been happening for a few months and you only got married in February it’s likely he was like this the whole time and you chose to ignore all the the flags because you had rose tinted glasses on.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
Nope! This is a complete behavior change, something is up. I’d be asking to see his phone right away. I’ve had a sneaky spouse before, I didnt think it was a big deal, “he’s just very private”.. Yup, he was just very private… about his affairs. I would have no qualms asking my SO to let me see his phone right now and if he didnt, he could help me pack after such a dramatic shift in behavior.
Post # 4
I’d be really suspect given how drastically he has changed his phone habits. I’d be wanting to know why if I were you. Ask him.
Post # 5
Sorry to say this, but 9 times out of 10 someone being sketchy with their phone is hiding something. Particularly if they weren’t secretive with it in the beginning and then suddenly change their behaviour.
If I were you I would try to eliminate the possibility of it being a coincidence before confronting him, because right now he could easily explain these things away. Next time you go for a drive say “hey why don’t we put on that album by such and such band that you have!” or next time you go out for dinner intentionally forget your phone and ask to use his to text someone or make a call. It will limit his ability to brush it off and call you ‘crazy’ (which i don’t think you are)
Post # 6
Either he’s planning an amazing surprise for you or he’s cheating.
Post # 7
Super sketchy. I’m sorry. My friend went through infidelity and used the website SurvivingInfidelity.com to help her figure out what to do – it was super helpful. You might consider posting there. They apparently give great advice on how to find out what’s up without giving yourself away.
I will say that she said the unifying factor of everyone’s stories was people being really protective of their phones and having a new password 🙁
Post # 8
14 months isn’t that long. Of course it was great – you were in the honeymoon period and on your best behavior. Welcome to reality. This has been going on for a couple months? That means 14% of the entire time you’ve known him he’s been acting sketchy. He has been acting sketchy for 33% of your marriage. He has been hiding stuff from you for one third of your marriage. Are you really going to claim to be so confident in your knowledge of him when such high percentages of both the time you’ve known him and your marriage have consisted of him acting sketchy and suspicious and being hyper-defensive?
Post # 9
Sketchy AF, and agree with pp that “we lived together for quite awhile” is simply inaccurate when referencing a relationship that’s barely over a year old. If I’m understanding your timeline right, you started dating around June 2017, got engaged four months later in Oct 2017, moved in together in Dec 2017, and married two months after that in Feb 2018? So you lived together for two months before you got married and are trying to describe that as “quite awhile”? Am I missing something?
I’m sorry bee…I know this isn’t what you want to hear. As for what to do…this may be an unpopular opinion, but if I were you I’d be snooping his ass. Like I’d try to figure out his pass code and then grab his phone when he’s in the shower sometime.
Post # 10
Sketchy. Even if it wasn’t a change in behavior, it’s sketchy. I’ve been with my husband 10 years now and we still don’t have PWs on anything and are free to pick up each others phones for things like music or responding to text messages for each other if we are driving.
Post # 12
You’re not paranoid; you’re observant.
Post # 14
Agree with PP, definitely sketchy. The only time my wife tried to hide her phone from me was when she was planning a birthday surprise. Otherwise, nothing like that has happened and I don’t think it’s normal. He’s hiding something, I’m sorry bee 🙁
Post # 15
no we started dating in December, moved in in June and then got engaged in October and married in February.
We lived together for 8 months so I’d say that is a pretty decent amount of time. We knew we wanted to get married pretty quickly but didn’t want to without living together a whole first, which we did.
we lived together for 8 months so I guess it depends how your define quite a while.
So everyone is pretty sure he is cheating?? Why would he start cheating on me when we are just recently married? And when would he even have the time? He works 10-12 hrs a day, comes home and flops into bed. He’s onky gone out without me once since the wedding and it was a friends birthday and the only reason I didn’t go is because I wasn’t feeling well.