(Closed) DH being sketchy or am I paranoid??

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 61
Member
2140 posts
Buzzing bee

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sf618b :  this x100. leaving for 3 whole ass weeks and minimal communication during that time is unacceptable unless you’re planning to end the relationship. that extreme overreaction would just make me even MORE suspicious, tbh. but even if what he said is true about his mental health issues—there’s no excuse for him to have hid that from you. you’re his freaking wife, and need to know everything going on with him health-wise. for him to hide something like that, I’d be even *more* concerned about the state of the relationship. if he was telling the truth, anyway. 

Post # 62
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

… iiiidk, Bee. I’m not convinced. THREE WEEKS?? Sounds like he couldve LITERALLY taken a vacay with whoever he’s been being secretive with, with your full support bc he spun you a tale about mental health& made u the bad guy.

You should’ve asked for time-stamped forum post, the name of the website, internet history, email notifications, SOMETHING. You need proof.

Post # 63
Member
608 posts
Busy bee

Idk bee…I’m not convinced – i wouldn’t be surprised if there’s more to it than what he’s actually telling you! 

Post # 64
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry, but you don’t leave your spouse for three weeks to decompress. A night in a hotel, sure. Sleeping in the spare room for some space, sure. Staying at someone else’s house and having minimal contact? Sign the divorce papers.

Post # 65
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I literally couldn’t imagine my fiancé leaving me for three weeks. Especially for something as minor as what I would consider a miscommunication. It doesn’t seem like he’s thinking about you at all in this situation, I would be pissed and I think youre being too nice and giving too much empathy towards him. He didn’t tell you what’s going on and literally left for three weeks because you asked about it? That’s beyond not ok

Post # 66
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Sorry Bee but I have to agree with previous posts.  I can’t imagine my husband or me leaving for three weeks over something like this.  When my husband or I are upset we just hang out in different rooms for a couple of hours doing our own thing until we have calmed down.  My mind is telling me that there is way more to the story and leaving for three weeks is to make it easier to carry out his secretive activities now that hes been busted. I hope this isn’t the case. 

Post # 67
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah that is pretty intense that he thought leaving for 3 weeks was in anyway ok. You haven’t answered people’s question asking if you addressed that in therapy or not. If you haven’t I really think you should. He needs to know that he is allowed to be upset, and hurt by things that happen but he cannot just leave for weeks on end to solve what is going on. You two need a plan for how you handle upset in your marriage moving forward and that plan shouldn’t include leaving the other person to go huff off into a corner for 3 weeks like a 4 year old child. 

I think it is important to address not only his issues in therapy but how his actions and non-communication affected you and the marriage also. He needs to understand he is 50% responsible for what happened. 

Post # 68
Member
5126 posts
Bee Keeper

You’re being played OP. I really think there’s something else going on. 

Post # 69
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I absolutely think there is more to this than what he is telling you. It sounds to me like he was looking for a way out and as soon as you voiced your suspicions and gave him “a reason” (in his mind) to be defensive, he made a mad dash for freedom and then started feeling a A). A little guilty or B). Realized he wasn’t having as much fun as he thought he would and then came home. I also do not believe for one second he was doing “online therapy”. I have been in situations before, as I am sure many bees in this community have, that evidence of dishonesty and/or infidelity have been spread out in front of me like a Thanksgiving feast yet I was so blinded by love I refused to believe it. Don’t be like me. And secondly, if by the off chance he showed you “hey, here is my online therapy community!” I would still be suspicious. You know why? Because he dipped out for three weeks with minimal communication. That’s unacceptable and not how you handle a relationship, let alone a marriage.

Post # 70
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Yea another vote for cheating or at least doing something inappropriate. If my husband randomly changed his lock on his phone and wouldn’t tell me what it was I would demand to see what he was up to. There’s no reasons for secrecy in a marriage and no reason he would need to prevent you from seeing what he is doing if he were being honest. 

Post # 71
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2019

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stonealaroll :  I’m sorry but you are being extremely naive. He’s checked out and apparently has no problem lying to you about it

Post # 72
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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ncmcwilliams :  Sweetie, how are you finding all these posts that are months or years old? If you go to Boards and sort by Recent, you will find lots of current threads where your advice might be helpful. OPs on these old ones have probably moved on and might not even see your responses. 

Post # 73
Member
8902 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Closing this thread.

The topic ‘DH being sketchy or am I paranoid??’ is closed to new replies.

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