(Closed) DH bought us a dog, and now it's ruining our marriage.

posted 7 years ago in Pets
Post # 17
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@PermaStudent:  +1

i feel so bad for you, OP. Please make sure the dog is safe – and then your hubby’s anger issues will need to be questioned. Hopefully he will be open to counselling.

i would also have a hard time trusting someone that is nasty to animals.  I personally would nt be able to be with someone like that. 

Post # 18
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

View original reply
@mrspinesol:  aaannnnddddd yeah, another +10000000 here!

OP, screw this “he won’t let me” crap and re-home the dog now. Then, re-home your husband or yourself. If he’s this jeckell/hyde with a puppy, I’d really, REALLY hate to see how’d he’d be around a human toddler. 

Post # 19
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

i know its probably really hard and sad to see your husband acting like this but you have to be very thankful you boyh decided to adopt andog before having children. Not that dogs are not as important, me and my spouse have 2 fur babys, but children are in your life forever. you need to be open with him about this “new” person that you are noticing now that you have a dog and that it makes you nervous for your future relationship and maybe offer some coping advise for his anger (counting to 10 before he reacts, going to counceling, going to boxing classes..etc). This may be a very good thing to have happened in your all’s life so that you both can address it before you move on to the next step in your relationship.

also i would rehome the animal! what he is open to do to the dog infront of you may not be what he is doing to the dog when you are not around..

 

Post # 21
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mountainrunner333:  I tried to think of a way to put this diplomatically…but your husband sounds like an asshole. I would suggest getting rid of him and keeping the puppy. 

Post # 22
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m definitely not an expert but I feel obliged to jump in and urge the OP to get the dog to a safe place ASAP. 

I know it is easier to turn a blind eye to behavior that doesn’t seem “that bad” at the moment on the part of your husband but you don’t know if this could escalate or not. Making the move to rehome the dog might bring a lot of the underlying issues to the forefront, but it’s better to deal with them now than waiting until his behavior is really out of control, or when there are children as well as animals involved.

Wishing you good luck, OP.

Post # 23
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

How long before this guy starts lashing out at you in the same manner?  If you have kids, how long before the abuse transfers onto them?  This guy needs counseling and he needs it immediately.  If he’s not willing to fix the underlying issues that are causing him to behave in an abusive-jerk manner than maybe you need to go stay with your parents for a while to drive the point home.  I’m sorry you are going through this.  

Post # 24
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m not sure your husband needs “anger management” as much as he needs an education (on dogs). Dog things that might seem second nature to you, are completely foreign to him.  My fiance and I went through this a bit when we adopted our second dog (I had our first dog before we met, and she was well trained by the time we started dating).  When playing with her, he’d let her nip, jump, and wrestle.  Then, he’d get upset when she did these things when they weren’t playing (like, jump up on him to say hi when he got home).  It took a while for him to understand that his actions were teaching our dog that these behaviors are okay, and he can’t be mad at the dog because he taught the dog that this was okay.

Have you tried hiring a trainer? Your dog sounds like they are amazingly behaved for a puppy, but most of the time it’s the people who need the training, not the dog.  Maybe hearing the information from the trainer will be better than him hearing it from you.

Good luck, I hope it all works out!

Post # 25
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@jasonkatie2014:  normally I would agree but from what it sounds like her DH has become quite aggressive with the dog and then goes on long rant about other non dog related things. 

I think doing joint training would definitely help, bit I don’t think it will solve all the problems.

Post # 26
Hostess
9084 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Your husbands actions are ruining your marraige. Not the dog. I think the dog deserves to live elsewhere 

Post # 27
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I feel bad for your dog… It is not your fault and I bet it must be super stressfult for you especially being a pet lover but if your husband carries on doing that with the dog, you might want to find a better home for it. I hope he is not physically abusing it.

Having a kid is a totally different situation.. and it might be a red flag especially if he acts this way with a pet, and might be worse if you have a kid and grows up running around.

Post # 28
Member
9779 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.”

I’m sorry, I would have a serious discussion with him about how his behavior is not acceptable and is making you reconsider your life together. And if he ever touched the dog in an aggressive way again, I would pack up and leave with the dog. If he refuses to change or gives excuses, then you need to decide to either leave yourself, or rehome the dog. It is NOT fair to the puppy to keep him in this situation.

Post # 29
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@bmo88:  I agree- it wont solve all of the problems.  I was just trying to offer another perspective aside from “leave” and “rehome the dog”.  While I am in no way excusing his behavior – his frustration (and only his frustration – not his aggression, which is his responsibility) is clearly from not knowing what having a dog is like.  

I saw it in my fiance.  He never, ever, became agressive with our dog – but I definitely saw the same frustration in him.  He would have venting sessions with me where he didn’t realize how much harder it is to walk two dogs, that our dog has some anxiety issues that are hard to deal with, and just dealing with the stigma of owning a pitbull.  I think training and conversations about dog ownership are a good start, but by no means the end of the conversation.

Post # 30
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mountainrunner333:  hon, you guys need counseling. Your husband seems to have a problem with managing his anger, and I would be terrified to see what he acts like when you guys have a baby as kids are much harder to manage and much more likely to misbehave (terrible twos, etc.) Please re-home the dog and start looking at therapists in your area. 

Post # 31
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

+1000 to everything.

And the fact that you deliberately said, “I won’t go into detail here about what he does to the dog” leads me to believe that he’s doing some pretty horrible things to the dog that are NOT OKAY for the dog, and that any sane person would have read and told you to immediately rehome it.

So rehome the dog and take your husband to counseling. Don’t have kids. Might ought to reconsider your relationship as well if he won’t “let” you rehome the dog for its own good. Are you afraid of what he’d do to you if you did? This sounds really bad.

The topic ‘DH bought us a dog, and now it's ruining our marriage.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors