(Closed) DH bought us a dog, and now it's ruining our marriage.

posted 7 years ago in Pets
Post # 32
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would get your husband into counseling ASAP and thank your lucky stars you got a puppy before having a baby. Good luck…

Post # 33
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with PP.  The dog isn’t ruining your marriage, your husband is.  The dog needs to be rehomed, pronto.  Go behind his back if you have to.  And then get his ass into counselling.  If he refuses, perhaps it would be a good idea to re-evaluate your marriage.

Post # 34
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

@mountainrunner333:  I’ve actually had a very similar issue with SO and my young yorkie.

I had the pup for about 1 year when I started dating SO. The dog wasn’t an issue for a very long time. We moved into his old house and things started to get tense because the dog was having potty training issues. I was very patient with him because I figured it was due to the new move.

That being said, SO did start to become overly aggrressive when my pup had his potty issues or acted out. We had a lot of discussion about whether we should rehome the dog or work on training. It was a very rough few months. 

However, we finally figured out what works for us. SO didn’t grow up with family pets, let alone pets that were allowed inside. His only childhood pet, was a stray dog that pretty much wondered around their property. SO had little to no experience with discipline, training, and proper care. I had to take the lead and show him what was acceptable and what wasn’t. He’s become a lot more patient and hands-on. They get along great now, but for a while it was kind of scary.

It sounds like your SO becomes really frustrated and doesn’t know how to actually discipine your dog, so he resorts to violence. That isn’t ok, and you need to show him other forms of discipline. If he isn’t willing to actually work with this situation and learn, then you should really consider putting the dog up for adoption. 

Post # 35
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

@mountainrunner333:  

I don’t want to go into detail about what he’s done. If our dog puts his head on the furniture, he lashes out at the dog. 

I’m very concerned that you don’t want to go into detail about what he has done.

Agree with PPs that for the puppy’s sake, you need to remove it from your home asap, with or without your husband’s consent. Just DO it.

Next, in regards to your marriage: in order for someone to repeatedly be cruel and/or abusive towards an animal, that person must have a profound and fundamental lack of empathy. 

This is a strong indication that your husband is missing a critically important piece within the puzzle of his character.

I would put puppy abuse into the category of smacking elderly ladies around and/or molesting children.

I don’t know exactly what is going on there because you’re not being too specific, but if your husband is indeed abusing or even just frightening the animal with his aggression, all I can say is I’m very sorry about this and I would run and not look back. No amount of counseling can repair that severe of a character defect. 


Post # 36
Member
6560 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@MrsPanda99:  +10000

Post # 37
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We do behavior analysis at my work, and animal cruelty is always connected to a far deeper issue.

Just curious, does he show any other signs of controlling behavior?

Yeah, I mean, what if your future kid spills milk on your couch and ruins it? How will he handle that?

 

Post # 38
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Take the dog and go. You are responsible for this dog’s well-being, as well as your own. 

Animal cruelty is an absolute deal-breaker for me. 

Post # 39
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Take that well behaved puppy and get out of there! The best behaved dog can turn aggressive or have serious behavioral issues if it is abused. And I fear what will happne to you or any future children! I agree with 

View original reply
@MrsPanda99, I do not trust anyone who is cruel to animals. This man disgusts me. I’m sorry that it’s your husband, but I would say this about any person who is abusvie towards an animal. I would never stay married to someone like that. 

Post # 40
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@mountainrunner333:  The part I latched onto is the part where he feels he gave up his career for yours and you moved. I think his lashing out is related to that and unfortunately he is taking it out on the dog. #1 He is no longer allowed to discipline the dog until he gets help dealing with his anger. #2 I think you both need to go to counseling to have a neutral third party to discuss the move, the dog, and his anger issues ASAP.

Post # 41
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

what a shame that this all came out after you already married him. I couldn’t stand being with an animal abuser. I would definitely fear for the safety of my future children. But I would first try to see if he is willing to see how abusive and aggressive his behavior is, and if he is willing to change it, before making any serious decisions. definitely not a puppy issue, this is an anger issue

Post # 42
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@mountainrunner333:  Maybe some marriage counseling is in order.  If he truly feels he’s doing things only to make you happy and is starting to resent it, that’s an issue.  On the other hand, if he’s just lashing out and blaming you for what he doesn’t like about his life, that’s an issue too.

As for the dog, I think a CTJ meeting is in order.  Sit him down for a talk.  If I understood your post correctly, he actively pursued getting this dog and has refused your offers to rehome it, yes?

Your husband is intelligent enough to know that puppies need training and that dogs shed and have toys, etc.  I do think men offen ten to be more aggressive with correcting animals and even children but there’s no need to be so harsh or even maybe abusive?  He needs to understand that dogs are….welll, dogs…they don’t understand but that can be trained with patience and consistency. 

If he keeps lashing out, hes going to create a nervous, hyper, neurotic animal and that’s not good for any of you.  If you decide to keep him, invest in some obedience training that the both of you can participate in.  Maybe seeing and hearing from a professional trainer what works and what doesn’t will help?

My advise is this – tell him he either needs to calm the fuck down and be moe patient with the animal and what living with an animal means OR agree to rehome it.  Frankly, if he’s making the dog unhappy or is being abusive, then make the decision yourself to rehome while he’s still a puppy.  

Good luck.

Post # 43
Member
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think this issue started before the dog. You shouldn’t be afraid to bring certain subjects up around your husband. If you ever felt like you’re walking on eggshells to keep him happy, that’s not normal.

Post # 44
Member
507 posts
Busy bee

Get out…Pm me if you want. This would be a deal breaker for me

Post # 45
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Are you guys planning on having kids? I would have sme serious concerns about how he is going to handle the stresses of having kids if he can’t handle a dog.

 

Either way, assuming what he is doing does cross the line to abuse, I would be out. I have no tolerance for curelty to animals, and I’m sure as hell not about to stay married to someone who exhibits those behaviours to an innocent puppy.

Post # 46
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Are you there when he does this to the poor dog??? And you let it happen? I’m sorry, but this behavior is inexcusable and totally wrong. This is so sad. I’m thinking about your poor dog…please get out of there…ANY man that can hurt an innocent being like that WILL hurt you and your future children. Please think about that. Don’t become another statistic. This is frightening foreshadowing to behavior with children.

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