(Closed) DH bought us a dog, and now it's ruining our marriage.

posted 7 years ago in Pets
Post # 47
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

O this is heartbreaking. That poor sweet puppy. OP, your first step has to be getting the dog to a safe place. I know you feel bad about rehoming, but until you can provide your dog a safe place to be, he would be better off pretty much anywhere.

After that, do some serious assessment on your relationship, and get into counseling (couples and individual) ASAP. I would not be willing to have children with this man.

Post # 48
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Wow, poor puppy. 

Post # 49
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mountainrunner333:  I’ve read behavioral experts who say that abusing an animal is a very strong predictor for abusing a child – or a spouse (you!).  No way would I let someone who is cruel to animals watch my child.  Yikes, what a terrible situation.  Just remember that you did nothing to deserve this, and neither did your puppy.

Post # 50
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Your dog deserves a loving home, as do you.  I wish I never would have read this thread. I’m in tears imagining the abuse this innocent dog has been forced to endure for just being a puppy.

It seems that you truly care about your dog.  Please find a loving home where he won’t be neglected by a man who has issues.  Do this before it’s too late. 

Post # 51
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I have a dog that was abused by an owner prior to us adopting him.  We got him when he was around two or three years old.  He’s now eight or nine, and although he had made great strides, he still shows lingering effects from the abuse he went through early in his life.

When we got him, our dog was terrified of stairs.  DH and I were living with my parents at the time, and there was no way into their house that didn’t involve stairs.  Plus, the crate and the dog area was on the upper level of the home.  My then-fiance-now-husband spent the first few days carrying the (70 pound) dog up the stairs.  We’re guessing he wasn’t allowed upstairs in his previous home and had probably been beaten to reinforce this.

He was afraid of men.  The taller the man, the more afraid he was.  My dad is about 5’10” and he was a little more comfortable with him at first than with DH, who is 6’1″, for example.

If you had anything in your hand that might be used as a weapon, he would cower and shake.  DH was going out to play baseball with friends and had a bat in his hand…our dog hit the ground tembling and dribbling urine.

If you raised your voice at all, he had a similiar reaction.  You could merely be speaking more loudly to be heard by someone in the next room, and our dog would think it was a precursor to him getting hit.

Our dog now loves everyone, including DH’s friends that are even taller than DH. He races up and down the stairs and you would never know he was once terrified to use them.  He almost never cowers when you have a potential ‘weapon’ in your hand. But if you correct his behavior at all, (verbally, mind you!), he still tucks his tail, and if you raise your voice, even if it’s not directed at him, he starts becoming uncomfortable.  He is easily frightened by new things, (this could be from the abuse and/or a general lack of socialization when he was younger).  We went to obedience class (for socialization around other people and dogs, since he already knew almost everything they taught us in class), and on the last day they had a beginner’s agility course set up so people and their dogs could get an idea of what the obsatcles were like.  He LOVED the tunnel, but he was terrified of the ramp…it took me on one side and the trainer on the other to encourage him over it.  

Our dog is a sweet, gentle, loving animal.  He always tries hard, even if he doesn’t fully understand what you are asking of him.  I cannot imagine why anyone would ever see the need to physically harm him.  We may never fully undo what his previous family did.  What the family that was supposed to LOVE and PROTECT him did.  Many dogs become aggressive or phsychotic when abused.  Some dogs never recover from the harm done to them.  

EVERY TIME your husband abuses your dog, he is writing on the slate of who your dog is.  EVERY TIME you allow the abuse, you are contributing as well.  You need to rehome the dog like, YESTERDAY, before he causes permenant physical or mental harm to your dog.  Then get your DH into counseling.  Do NOT have children with this man unless and until a therapist tells you his is no longer at risk of abusing said children.  If you chose to stay with him, you are an adult, that’s your choice to make.  But children and animals don’t have a choice or a voice.

Post # 52
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Mistreating an animal is a dealbreaker for me. 

If I was you I would pack up me and the dog and leave. 

 

Post # 54
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@mountainrunner333:  Holy shit. Major red flag. Your husband sounds like he has extreme anger issues and sounds like a douche. Do you let him hit your dog?? How can you stand that? I’m appalled.  

Also you do know your husband will make your dog aggressive if he keeps using such brute force, right? Dogs who are hit learn to bite to defend themselves.

In the greater scheme of things, have you thought about how he will treat children? Do you really think he will be kind and patient when he’s frustrated. 

Someone has to go – either the husband or the dog. 

Post # 55
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I just don’t understand why you would marry someone like that.

 

I sincerely hope you have the strength to make a change. 

Post # 56
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
@Miss Apricot:  totally agree with what you said. And thank you for providing a loving home for your fur baby!

Post # 57
Member
291 posts
Helper bee

Please tell me you don’t leave the dog alone with him….

Post # 58
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think rehoming the dog is your first step and then looking into anger concerns for your husband.

Post # 59
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

From what you’ve written, this is essentially what your husband has been saying: 

“It’s YOUR fault that I bought us a dog and don’t like the responsibility it demands.” 

“It’s YOUR fault that I can’t pursue the career I want.” 

“It’s YOUR fault that I am unhappy.” 
 
in a marriage, you make compromises yes and you support one-another, but compromises are not sacrifices and support does not make you responsible for someone else’s happiness/career. This isn’t about the dog. Please seek counseling, either for the both of you or at least for you if he won’t. Get the dog out of there if he’s abusing it (even if there is no straight-up abuse, it’s clear you’re not ready for it as a couple anyway) and focus on your marriage and whether it’s a healthy one. 

Post # 60
Member
11369 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He doesn’t have an anger management problem, he has an abuse problem.  People go to jail for abusing helpless animals & for good reason.

Today, he’s abusing the dog.  Tomorrow, it may well be you.

Get that poor innocent creature out of there asap.  It is cruel to keep a puppy with an animal abuser.

Call the police next time he abuses the dog & watch how quickly he will direct his abuse toward you in retaliation.

You have a responsibility to protect that poor puppy.  And for God’s sake, don’t have a baby with this guy.

Post # 61
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Rehome the husband. What an asshole. And if you are leaving that puppy with him alone, that is just as bad given you won’t even tell us what he does to it. Disgusting.

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