(Closed) DH bought us a dog, and now it's ruining our marriage.

posted 7 years ago in Pets
Post # 62
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

First of all, I’m sorry but I feel enraged at the thought of anyone mistreating any kind of animal. If there is one type of people in the world whom I cannot stand, it’s people who have no compassion for animals. Sounds like your husband’s family are those sorts of people. And just because he wasn’t raised around animals is not a good enough reason for him to be cruel or angry towards this innocent little dog.

I agree with everyone who said that this is a husband issue, and not a dog issue.

He is simply using the dog as an outlet for something else that is brewing underneath his skin.

And the whole thing about making you feel guilty about moving cities for your job is the opposite of being a supportive husband.

This man sounds whiney and immature and frankly what he is doing sounds extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive.

I think what you need to do is take this into your OWN hands and STAND UP TO HIM and tell him how you feel. You need to be strong and firm here and let him know that he HAS to stop with his behavior and be more respectful of you and the dog immediately.

If he balks at that, then you know where you stand with this man. Do you really want to be married to a grumpy resentful jerk who is mean to dogs forever?

Post # 63
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

First, please rehome the animal if your husband is abusing it. This is disgusting and no animal deserves this. You will only make it harder for this now great dog to find a home if it starts developing trust and fear issues.

this is symptomatic of bigger issues with your husband. It’s not the dog. I would never, ever be with someone who is violent with animals-it’s a sign of major behavioral issues and is just plain wrong. its one thing to be a poor communicator or be passive-aggressive, but reacting with violence is unacceptable-your husband is an adult. I would be wondering what kind of future I can have with this person. What would he do about a baby? Someone else’s child over for a play date? Are you just never allowed to have an animal because husband can’t be trusted? For me, that is a straight up insane way to live.

Post # 64
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
@sassy411:  “and for god sakes, don’t have a baby with this guy” 

+10000000000000000000!

Post # 65
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE rehome this dog.

Post # 66
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I was formerly friends with 2 people who had a similar situation. She loved animals and her “severe anger issues” husband would overly aggressively disipline the dog for the most minor things. They lived 2 floors up from me, and I could hear it. I called the cops. I am no longer her friend, and we were best friends for 8 years.

Rotten animal abusers have a special place in hell. Rehome the dog. Get him some help. Get yourself a network of trusted friends, counselors, whomever for support. I wouldn’t put up with this for a minute.

Post # 67
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

Rehome the dog.

Reconsider your relationship.  This apparently isn’t new – your mother saw hints of problems before the pup.  He’s escalating.  

I’d get out, I have no tolerance for someone who isn’t kind to animals.  You don’t need to love them, but showing aggression towards them is not acceptable to me.   One of very few deal-breakers. 

Post # 68
Member
7297 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d be rehoming myself AND the dog. Your husband sounds like an asshole. What happens when you have kids and they don’t live up to his expectations or behave like he thinks they should?

Post # 69
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Everyone has already said it – your husband is being described as a very scary man.

 

If you can’t explain what exactly he does to this dog, I already know.  Whatever he does, would get an officer sent to your house on suspicion of animal cruelty.  Maybe someone on here will figure out who you are, and send someone down to your home so your poor dog gets rehomed without needing an agreement between both of you.

 

Childen that have a history of abusing animals turn in to very scary adults.  It makes me wonder whether or not he had any experience as a child with animals…my guess is that he did.  Get some help in counseling before he starts treating you like a dog.

Post # 70
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mountainrunner333:   Do you have a friend or family member who can keep your dog for a time – while your husband goes to counseling?  His anger is out of control and it isn’t fair to keep the dog in an abusive home.   I fear you may be his next victim. 

Post # 71
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Sounds like something else is bothering him if the dog is so well behaved. He has anger issues, maybe extra stress, and unfortunately it may be something within the relationship if he keeps bringing other things up, he may feel his feelings or opinions are being neglected in some way. But it is obvious to me the dog is not the issue but something else is

Post # 72
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It sort of sounds like you’ve had to tip toe around certain topics from the start. I don’t think discussing having a dog should be such a touchy subject. Now that you have the puppy, it’s almost like a preview to how he would be as a father, because let’s face it, anyone who can be mean to an animal is most likely a bad seed. No way can that kind of aggression only be directed towards the puppy and never towards you or your future children. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Good luck!

Post # 73
Hostess
11163 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@mountainrunner333:  Dogs behave when they are put in their place within the pack with you and your DH as the pack leader. through boundaries and positive reinforcement. However, dogs do NOT react appropriately nor is it beneficial to become aggressive or lash out at a dog that doesn’t understand these types of emotions as anything other than extremely negative. Dogs often develop aggressive or fearful/aggressive tendencies themselves when placed in violent/agressive/ intense situations. Anger begets anger, the rule applies to dogs as well.

Violence towards an animal is NEVER acceptable. A quick swat on the butt is used by some (not us) but physical aggression that is uncontrolled is again not acceptable and is in fact animal abuse…and the context or reasons behind is not an acceptable excuse. 

It sounds like your DH has some pent up resentments and concerns and unfortunately the dog is providing a source of continued frustration and in a sense an outlet. Until he can work through his own issues that dog needs to be safe. Whether that means that you stand up to him  or you temporarily (or permanently) rehome the dog is your call but the dog’s protection from any type of abuse (physical or otherwise) should be the number one priority at this point. 

Post # 74
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Uhh, it’s not the dog ruining your marriage, your HUSBAND is doing that. 

You just finished saying the dog is the best behaved pet ever, so what the fuck is your husbands problem?!

Rehome the dog. It doesn’t matter whether he will ‘let’ you or not, or whether it would make you sad or embarrassed. It’s obviously what is best for the dog, and if your husband tries to stop you, I’d be having a few words with him about WHY you have to rehome the dog.

It’s a shame this didn’t come out before you married him. There are very few reasons I would leave someone, but aggression towards my animals is one of them.  

Post # 75
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Rehome the husband immeidately.

Post # 76
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You need to get the dog to a safe place away from him, whether it means rehoming the puppy or throwing your husband out.  Your husband sounds like a nasty piece of work, and your only priority should be to make sure that you and the dog are safe.  i wouldn’t even bother trying to save a marriage to someone who terrorizes a defenseless puppy.

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