(Closed) DH bought us a dog, and now it's ruining our marriage.

posted 7 years ago in Pets
Post # 77
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

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@Miss Apricot:  Not to threadjack, but THANK YOU for giving love & patience to a dog in desperate need of a stable, safe home.  Your story brought tears to my eyes.  I am involved in various dog rescues here in Chicago.  These stories haunt me.  But THANK YOU and your wonderful husband, family, and friends. 

Post # 78
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

if you have kids just imagine him doing the same things to your kids.

oh man, a dog- especially a puppy- is a great test for having a baby.

i think it’s showing your SO’s true colors and I’d ask him to get help or end the relationship.

poor pup 🙁

Post # 79
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This is probably redundant by now, but I agree with all the PP that your husband is the problem, not the dog. It’s hard for me not to go into a bitch fit frenzy because my dogs are my children and you saying you don’t want to say what he’s done to the dogs tells me it must be pretty bad.. I agree with everyone else that your husband sounds like he has serious anger issues that needs to be sorted out. It starts with a dog but he’s slowly but surely going to began taking it out on you. It sounds he is already starting when you confront him. If you have a child it will be taken out on them as well.  You have a responsibility to stand up for that helpless sweet dog, whether it be you leave with him until your husband can get his shit together or you give him to a home that will love and protect him. Please for the love of God do not be one of those that sit back and watch abuse take place and do nothing to stop it.

Post # 80
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I really hope your husband isn’t abusing this puppy, and I hope even more you aren’t allowing it. I could never be with a man who is cruel to animals. You need to get this taken care of ASAP, and make sure that poor puppy is safe. If you have to rehome him behind your husband’s back, then so be it. 

Post # 81
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@sara_tiara:  +1 This is exactly what I was thinking. Babies also don’t do as they are told, go where they aren’t supposed to and make your home a pigsty on the best of days. I would be extremely concerned. 

Yes, rehome the dog…. but I’d be seriously considering rehoming the husband as well. 

Post # 82
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

+1 to everything that’s been said, it sounds like your husband has a serious behavioral problem Not a dog problem. For your marriage to have any chance at continuing, I would insist that he start counseling immediately, get his behaviour under control, and I would triple up on your birth control ASAP. if he isn’t willing to put in the time and effort to correct his very seriously flawed behavior, I would take the dog and get thee to a divorce attorney STAT while thanking your lucky stars that you didn’t procreate with this man.

Post # 83
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Oh and I’d like to add on to my original post: men only scream and yell and speak disrespectfully to their partners IF you let them. Your husband feels he can yell and whine like a child because he knows there are no consequences and that you aren’t going anywhere no matter what he does. Lay down the law with him and make it clear that unless he stops complaining about the dog and your life and making you feel guilty that he will very quickly find himself alone. The way he is acting is not acceptable in a relationship, let alone conducive to a happy marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 84
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think the dog is just the last straw. Your DH is upset abt many other things since even before you got the dog. I.e., foods you eat, moving to a new city, etc. But he has kept it all bottled up. The dog was the LAST straw that made him pop and let it all out. So before you even decided to re-home the dog, you need to start from the start… where did this all start when he first started feeling that he is living for you and not himself anymore? Then work that issue out together or with couples’ counselling. Then the next issue, then the next… and eventually the dog. THEN when you get to the dog, you both will already have a better understanding as to whether to re-home the dog or if your DH has ‘come around’ so to speak.

As for you thinking that he will be this short tempered with his kids, well I doubt that. Remember, HE wants the kids. He didn’t exactly want the dog. If you have any reason to suspect that he probably doesn’t want kids either and may have them because he thinks that will make YOU happy, well then, keep your pants on until you guys come to a mutual feeling abt that one too. The dog can be re-homed, a child cannot. You can ‘technically’ give it up for adoption, but you and I both know that is not going to be an option you are willing to consider.

Post # 85
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Perhaps your husband could be jealous at the dog getting all the attention…. having that kind of anger towards a poor defenceless animal is terrible, how will he be once you have children? perhaps look at rehoming DH and keeping the dog.

Post # 86
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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@Emjai101:  I was thinking the same thing. Alot of guys (the less mature ones) often feel jealous of all the attention the wife gives to children or a pet. It could be that he is feeling jealous, but his way of expressing his feelings of jealousy are completely wrong. 

 

Post # 87
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@Vitana:  I totally agree, some men just cant stand their partners giving attention to anyone but them!!! it would ring alarm bells in my head if my partner ever treated a puppy (adopted from a shelter who is in dire need of a loving home) like that, it is very heartless and cruel.  

I feel really really sad for the pup 🙁

 

Post # 88
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@EffieTrinket:  YES!! This x1000! More to say, but I had to get that in there for now…

Post # 89
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

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@Sasha2011:  Did you suggest that they should keep the dog, and then her husband should go to therapy for his other issues first, work through those, and then deal with the dog related issues? Sorry, but that doesn’t stop him from abusing the dog right now, and that should be OP’s primary concern here. This isn’t the kind of thing OP can afford to work through slowly, either the dog or the husband needs to be gone, like, yesterday. It’s clearly not safe for the dog to stay in the same house as the husband while he goes through months of therapy trying to figure out why he feels the way he does. 

Also, OP- Tell him to make his own fucking food. I can’t believe I didn’t comment on that earlier. If he doesn’t like the kind of food you cook, too bad, he can make his own meals. Lazy jackass.  

Post # 90
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

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@Sasha2011:  So before you even decided to re-home the dog, you need to start from the start… where did this all start when he first started feeling that he is living for you and not himself anymore? Then work that issue out together or with couples’ counselling. Then the next issue, then the next… and eventually the dog.

Could NOT disagree more.  If things are bad enough that the OP won’t even elaborate on what her DH has done to this dog, the dog is in immediate danger of being seriously injured physically and/or mentally, or even being killed.

The FIRST thing the OP needs to do is either rehome the dog, or at a BARE MINIMUM he needs to live with a family member or friend who will keep him safe until such time as the OPs husband can be trusted not to harm him. 

Post # 91
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

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@meglor and 
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@gvsusara:  

Thanks ladies.  This post made me sad because I could picture this as very easily being my own dog’s early years.  I hope that by sharing our story, the OP will realize that what her husband does is not just harmful and scary to the dog in the moment, but that it can have very real and lasting consqeuences.

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