(Closed) DH can’t perform now that I’m pregnant

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think that some men are frightened by the fact that there is a baby inside of you…and so are they.

I have not dealt with this but knowing myself, I think I would make it a point to let this issue go and then catch him off guard. My fiance is a huge fan of the blow job – surprise, surprise. If this was an issue for us, I’d start there. 😉

Post # 4
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Was that the only position you did it in before you got pregnant? Just trying to figure out if the issue is the pregnancy itself or the fact that you want to be in a different position.

Post # 5
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My husband didn’t really want to have sex when I was pregnant either. He said it felt wrong. When the baby would kick he’d just say “Sorry, I can’t do this.”

Once I gave birth he couldn’t wait to get my doctor’s clearance for sex again, but I was the one pushing him away because I was so tired! Just please understand, for a lot of men there’s a psychological wall up there. Obviously he finds you extremely attractive or you wouldn’t be in the condition you are now. Are you ok with doing other things like massages, oral, etc.

Post # 8
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@lolo21: Have you directly asked him why he doesn’t seem receptive to other positions?

Post # 8
Member
46334 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is not your responsibility to make him feel comfortable. Nor should you let this make you feel awful about yourself. As has already been said some men feel a little weird having intercourse when their wife is pregnant- but this is his issue not yours. You can be understanding and be there for him, but don’t let this undermine your self-esteem.

Pregnancy is a beautiful time for women. Some men are turned on more than usual by a pregnant woman.

The two of you can still have sexual relations. You can also meet your own needs.

Post # 10
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You can have sex face to face without you having to lie down, so I’m just going to guess it’s either he’s freaked out about having sex with you while you’re pregnant and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, or there is maybe some possible ED. Either way, it’s good that you realize you have to talk to him.

Post # 12
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

What about the position where you are both lying down on your side, with him behind you? I think that one can be VERY personal – it’s almost just like spooning, except obviously one big difference. And I would think that one might be more comfortable for you, too.

However, I don’t know if it’s the position thing alone. I suspect it might be partly that, and partly that the other posters may be right about some men just being a little weirded out by the whole “there is another human inside you right now” thing.

Do you guys ever talk about this when you are *not* in the bedroom? I’ve always heard that it’s best to have talks like this about sex when you are not in the moment, and are not in the bedroom. Sort of takes the pressure off a little.

If you have talked about this before, what does he say about it?

Post # 13
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@lolo21: Ha, just saw your post after I posted “Hey you should talk to him about it.” 🙂 I hope the conversation goes well!!

Post # 14
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Have you tried spooning?  I don’t know how it would work with a bump, but you can twist your torso so that you can still kiss and whatnot.

Post # 15
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

A position change might be a place to start– the spoon position is a good idea. You can still turn your face to kiss. Another one would be where you lay on your side but he still goes in like if it were missionary– you can still see each other and he can bend down to kiss you, but then you’re not flat on your back. 

Talking about it would be good too, just to kind of feel out if it’s a position problem or a “you’re carrying my baby/there’s a baby inside of you” problem. 

The topic ‘DH can’t perform now that I’m pregnant’ is closed to new replies.

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