Post # 1
Today was his first day at his new job. He was at his last job for 5 years, and had no more room for growth. Plus, it was wearing him down day to day, and there were no benefits or retirement plan at his old job. He has been searching for almost a year to find another job that felt right, paid right, and had room to grow.
Today he called me on his way home saying he thought he was having a panic attack and that he feels like he made a bad move. He said the new place is more disorganized than his old job, his assigned assistant is disgruntled, and he just got a bad vibe overall.
This job is paying him $8k more than his old job, and at least has a 401k, plus a few other benefits.
I feel so bad. I’m not even sure what to say to him at this point, other than we’ll get through this. Any words of advice?
Post # 2
TBH, I’ve never had a first day at a new job where it went well and I didn’t feel like having a panic attack at the end. It’s always information overload and change is hard (especially when you’ve been doing the same thing for 5 years). I would reassess at the end of the week – but go ahead and schedule a date night to relax, rewind, and discuss how the week goes and how you’re going to move forward!
Post # 3
It’s only been one day. He might find things he likes about the job in the coming days. I would listen to his frustrations and provide reassurance that things could still get better.
Post # 4
I think it’s a waste of time to make any judgement based on your first day at any job. Does he normally have a problem with anxiety and panic attacks?
Post # 5
he has never had a panic attack that I’m aware of. But he does tend to get pretty nervous, and usually ends up with an upset stomach.
Post # 6
I can give a different perspective. I know people find this a “luxury”, but company culture is important. I work in a hyper competitive, predominantly male field–but I love it! I’ve seen many female managers quit and go to boutique firms because the “culture’ at my work is very stressful. So I guess what I’m trying to say is: culture matters a lot and if YOU don’t click at a certain place, you can just feel it the moment you step in the door.
I would, however, advice him to stay until he gets acclimated. Also I woudl advice him to keep an open mind and heart to the company. The more he thinks about how he doesn’t “fit”, the more it would become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Post # 7
I’ve felt like that at almost every new job I’ve started, FWIW. Tell him to give it a month, and then reassess. Even in the best of circumstances, starting a new job is hugely stressful, and that can feel like you made a mistake.
Post # 8
I can’t remember a single job where I didn’t feel sick by the end of the first day – the first couple days are overwhelming, stressful, and confusing. He’ll need to give himself time to adapt – he may find that it’s not as bad as it feels right now.
Post # 9
I left my first day at my first adult job (well, residency, but close enough) CRYING. Like tears rolling down my face as I walked the half mile home. Residency is HARD (80 hour weeks, 1 day off a week) but I made it four years. I often looked back at that first day and laughed. It was never easy, but it did get better.
Post # 10
I changed jobs in 2014- left a firm that I was with for almost 8 years for what I thought was a better situation- it was more money, better benefits, I knew after the first day I wouldn’t last.
It took me 2 1/2 months to find another job, I was miserable- I had panic attacks daily in the bathroom- it was awful! Sometimes the office vibe isn’t good- I can totally relate. I am happy to say that almost 2 years later I am happy as a clam and don’t miss that place at all!
Be supportive- don’t force him to stay there- being miserable at work is not worth it. He needs to give it some time, but just allow him to vent, and if encourage him to look for another job if he’s really not happy.
Post # 11
My Fiance started a new job last week and on his first day he said the exact same thing. I felt so devastated for him but I can say now it’s his second week and he’s adjusting, I think this is normal. Just be super supportive.
Post # 12
I disagree with some of the others. Yes the first day is overwhelming but you can feel the vibe of a place. I started my current job and I hated my first day (I’ve never hated a first day before) I’m still there 8 months but I’m not happy. I’m waiting for a better job and one that is right rather than jumping from one bad situation to another. What’s helped me these last few months is DH listening to my individual problems and suggesting answers but not being defensive or adamant when I say why his solutions don’t work. He’s occasionally said things like everyone has bad days and it’s bothered me, so I’ve had to explain that it’s fundamentally a gut feeling. Trust him if he says it’s a gut feeling or the vibe in general. Listen to your husband. Don’t condescend him and say we all feel overwhelmed at work. Tell him to go in tomorrow with a positive attitude and see how things are at the end of the week. If things aren’t better, ask him what he wants to do and talk it through with him. What it will mean for him and your relationship. Ask what the problems are, offer solutions but don’t assume the problems can be fixed.
Post # 13
I’m sure he will feel better after a while, but if not, there is no harm in finding another job. As a hiring manager, I’ve talked to people who have shifted positions, careers, etc and discovered it was not a good fit And have moved on or even gone back to their old company.
Post # 14
Adapting to change can be quite a stressful transition. Continue to support SO in any way that you can. Empathy and acknowledging his experiences can go a long way to letting him decompress when he gets home from the new job. Reassure him that whatever happens, you guys will figure out a way to make things work. It can be a very scary process, but hopefully in a few weeks time, he will have found a nice groove to things.
Maybe plan for nice things that bring him comfort either in the home, or toward the weekend, pick something that would help let him get off some steam.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
Ugh, I hated my first day at my new job. I had been in the same job for 4 years, but with new certification and no position to move into, I found a company that woudl utilize my new skills. I HATEd it. The person training me was so disorganized, and awkward. I already knew he was breaking legislations and it was my first day! The office was very quiet and I was used to lots of friends and co-workers working together. it was such a culture shock! But now i’ve been here for 3 years and I really like it. It took me a good 6 months to really feel comfortable and settle in.
I would say just be supportive. Cut him a lot of slack and if he really hates it after a month, to start looking for something else. maybe try and spoil him a little tonight!