DH cusses at me in public :( what to do?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1644 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

No no no bee. Don’t justify his behavior. Don’t tell yourself it’s partly your fault, because it’s not. No matter how many fights you start or how nitpicky you get, this is a HIM issue. Nothing you do besides becoming physically abusive justifies his behavior. 

Your husband is a textbook abuser. He isn’t sorry, he’s just saying he is to keep you from leaving. He’s not going to stop. Things will just get worse. Either he gets his ass to therapy, or you get yourself a lawyer. Better yet, get his ass to therapy and get yourself a lawyer anyway. 

Post # 3
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Mount Princeton hot springs

My husband takes as many photos of me as I want and laughs, at the most I get an eye roll. It is not your fault he calls you those names, it is his fault and you should be blaming him  I know it’s easier said than done but he must be held accountable for his behavior and the way he’s treating you and YOU have to do that. I’m so sorry to hear that you are in this position and going through this. 

Post # 4
9989 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, it is NEVER your fault that your husband curses at you or puts his hands on you in anger.  NEVER.  He is abusive.  Please understand that the abuse will get worse over time, especially now that you’re married and he has you more under his control (in his mind).  

I have been married to an abusive man in the past, many years ago.  That marriage almost destroyed me in every way, mind-body-soul.  I’m lucky to be alive.  

Please reach out to someone in your real life; a friend, a family member, a counselor, a person from your church, anyone (or call a domestic abuse hotline), and also learn about the Cycle of Abuse.  

You are an innocent victim and what he is doing to you is very, very wrong.  There is nothing you could do to ever justify his abusing you.  

Post # 5
2828 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

shadows9x : I’ve said this on other similar threads, get a divorce before this escalates and he really hurts you, more than he already is.

Post # 6
8481 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

shadows9x :  this is not your fault! Even if you are super annoying in wanting your photo taken he shouldn’t be abusive, he just needs to say “no” and walk away. 

Post # 7
2570 posts
Sugar bee

Please leave him. This is abuse and it’s never okay or justified. Please call the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). 

Post # 8
930 posts
Busy bee

This is not at all okay. None of this is your fault. Please find somewhere safe to go and find help immediately.

Post # 9
1742 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I could be the bitchiest bitch on the face of this planet and my fiance would not call me those words. This is not your fault, bee. This is abuse, and you need to get away.

Post # 10
3842 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Oh bee… Normal men roll their eyes or scoff when you’re being ridiculous. They dont name call, push you, grab you or injure you. My Fiance has been pretty upset with me… never once has he done any of these things. You need to decide if you’re OK to live like this or not.

Your options are:

  • put up with it and likely it’s escalation
  • leave
  • get him into anger management

This is a HIM problem, you are not causing him to treat you this way. Chances are, this is just who he is and will always be, regardless of counselling or anger management. But if you’re not ready to walk away, you could try that first although I’ve seen bees seriously reccomend against couples counselling with an abuser, so maybe individual counselling would be a better idea. 

Post # 11
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

This is not ok bee. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Pushing and swearing should be deal breakers for you. The language he uses is vile, that would be enough for me to walk. Calling someone a B or C is disgusting. It’s not how you talk to someone you love and respect –  would you say those words to your mum? Your sister? Your best friend? Or anyone really? Of course not, that’s not how you talk to anyone you love and respect. It’s aggressive and violent, as is the pushing and grabbing. Please be safe and get yourself out, you’ve only been married a very very short time, just leave.he clearly thinks it’s ok to treat you this way, it’s not going to get better. 

Post # 12
9861 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

He’s abusive and it is not your fault! Nothing you do makes it okay for him to verbally or physically abuse you. It doesn’t matter if he’s not seriously injuring you, he put his hands on you and hurt you. And it will escalate.

Do not get counseling. It is not safe to do counseling with an abuser as they typically abuse their partner for what is said/revealed in counseling.

Please reach out to family or trusted friends for help. You don’t need to be alone in this.

Contact a lawyer.

Post # 13
2723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

shadows9x :  Bee this is emotional and physical abuse. I don’t care what you do, there is no reason for him to call you those names. You don’t disrespect the person you love like that. 


Post # 14
484 posts
Helper bee

Your husband verbally and physically abuses you, and your biggest concern is public embarrassment?  Dude…

Post # 15
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

No, no, no. It’s not your fault. You are not bringing it on yourself. The things you are doing are NORMAL. The way he reacts is ABUSIVE. Someone who loves you doesn’t degrade you. Look up abuse, it’s not just physical. Leave him. It will only get worse. It will become more physical. You need to get out. I sincerely hope you do. 

Talk to you local domestic abuse services, even just to prove us wrong or to know your options. They can help you.

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