- 3 years ago
Feeling very alone right now and going anon because I’m ashamed.
Darling Husband didn’t come home until 5:30am – aka he didn’t come home last night. He texted me while I was driving last night asking if I wanted to go “dt ” – when I got home I texted him back to ask what he meant (downtown in the city, our town, what?). I was worried when I got home because he wasn’t there as I expected, but there was two bottles of whiskey out on the counter with several glasses and ginger ale, and the PlayStation games were everywhere. But he didn’t respond to my question.
So at 7:20 I ask what his ETA will be – my assumption is he got home early but had to go back out to site (it’s happened before). Nothing.
So at 9:30 I text him my sympathy that he’s still working in the cold and rain and that I love him. Nothing – but he’s read all these messages.
At 10:30 I’m now worried, and text him again to ask if everything is ok. He finally responds that he’s out “with *one of his employees* in ______” (small town 20 mins from us) and that his phone is in the truck but he’ll call me in an hour. I ask him what time he’ll be home. Now I’m super anxious and can’t sleep. Two hours later he texts to ask if I’m awake and I respond within seconds. He says nothing after I respond.
I’ve now called him 4 times tonight and it’s gone straight to voicemail, but his phone isn’t dead because he’s reading my messages. I ask again when he’ll be home and half an hour later (1am) he responds “2ish”. I tell him I’m disappointed he didn’t keep me in the loop. At 3:40 the dog starts barking and I wake up – he’s home. Except he comes inside only long enough to grab something (beer)? He’s literally out the door again before I’m out of bed and ignores me when I call “hello?”
And as I stand in the office in clear view of the driveway, he gets back into this guy’s truck and they drive off. So I call him – nothing. Message him to ask if he’ll be home. Nothing.
He comes in at 5:30am to change his clothes and doesn’t speak to me and now he’s gone again.
How many times will be have this conversation? We have two main rules. Rule 1: always come home unless you give some notice so no one has to worry. Rule 2: send a courtesy text with your plans. I feel completely ignored, taken for granted, and like the bottom rung on his priority list…again. We even had a conversation about his drinking because this only ever happens when he’s drunk. (He agreed he can turn into a cold asshole when he’s drunk)
But once again…he gets drunk, ignores me, doesn’t come home, and makes me feel crazy for being upset. This is he second time he’s not come home entirely, and the fourth time he’s been drinking and not told me where he is or what he’s doing and the ignored me all night when I tried to find out.
Ive emailed a local therapist. Maybe I’m not communicating to him how much this devastates me despite our many fights after incidents like this. Now he’s texting me asking if I’m ok and saying he doesn’t know what to say…I don’t even know if sorry will cut it because it feels empty now.
Am I overreacting? Is this actually as upsetting as I feel it is or am I the crazy, nagging wife who can’t let her husband have a little fun?
ETA: he’s 29 and I’m 26, we’ve been together 3 years and married since the summer.