I am in shock and awe right now. What an eye opener! I have always thought of myself as a strong and self-aware woman… yet last night and this morning I was kept up by anxiety – not just worry over Darling Husband , but anxiety over if I was overreacting and being ridiculous. I was seriously concerned that my reaction was out of line and I was being dramatic.
Considering this is not the first time he’s done this… he must not see the problem, or understand how deeply this has affected me. Or he understands and doesn’t care (that is a too tough a thought to contemplate right now though).
nowyouareaghost : I don’t have the mental capacity to think about that… because you’re right. Whoever was driving was likely drunk. Hell, even HIM this morning driving to work, he’s likely legally impaired and then some. It’s awful, and I feel partly responsible.
Beegritte : God, thank you for this. I think about the people in my life I admire, and ask myself: would they do this to their partners? The answer is a resounding NO. I get that, like you said, we all have lost track of time, or had to make that call home to say OOPS sorry I’m running late.
But he never made that call, even when he said he would. He ignored me. Probably because he assumed I’d be mad he was out drinking. I have nothing against going out and have drinks, and I’ve never had a problem with that. The issue is that he doesn’t just go and have few drinks. He goes and gets fucked up and does something to hurt me. I’m getting more angry as I type, if anyone can tell. Rather than face the fact that he was deliberately making a choice I would find hurtful, he ignored me.
soymilk : Yeah… that’s a whole other thing. Once I texted him the things he said to me as he was saying them (he was too drunk to care what I was doing on my phone), so when he woke up he would see. He said he couldn’t even read it.
I’m feeling pretty lost and alone right now bees. Thank you so much for all your words and advice. I’m beginning to see that I may not be as crazy as I thought I was. Though it’s terrifying to realize how very un-self-aware I seem to be…
He just texted me “I ruined everything”. This is fairly typical – after he gets a clearer head, he usually cries and talks about how he’s a terrible person and I don’t deserve him. I never know how to respond – in the past, I’ve told him to SHOW me that he loves me by respecting me, and not repeating the same mistakes. Well, that’s hasn’t worked. SO now I have no clue how to respond.