(Closed) DH doesn't get why this upsets me

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m not really sure I understand what is going on entirely.  But either way,  your Darling Husband should be more supportive if you are feeling badly.  And you should try to take your Mother-In-Law with a grain of salt.  It sounds like she’s feeling a little threatened.  Good luck to you!

Post # 4
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you may just have to brush her off. It sounds like this is going to be a thing with her, and she’s already apologized for it once, so it’s not like she doesn’t know it gets to you. Just smile and nod and give her as little ammunition as you can. 

Post # 5
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

It sounds like you have quite a tough Mother-In-Law, who might not be willing to let her baby boy lose any of the religious customs he grew up with. Which I completely understand, but if your hubby chose to celebrate lent with you in a different way, that’s your choice. You’re his family now, and you guys get to make your own traditions.

Honestly, she isn’t likely to change, so try and let this roll off your back. My dad has a great story from when he was chairman of his department at a university: there was a particular professor, who worked for my father, that was very bitter and angry every day towards him. He would walk by and never say hello to my dad. So my dad took it upon himself to very brightly say “hello, and good morning Mr. SnarkyNoFunPants!” EVERY DAY. This made my dad chuckle, and helped deal with a not-so-pleasant person.

Good luck, and give your hubby a little break. This is probably not easy for him either.

Post # 6
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I do think your overreacting in that you let it get to you so much. Honestly some things you just have to tune out. Your mil is probably gunning for private school for grandkids. Just don’t engage on this and the comments will stop.

Post # 7
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

While I don’t think any of these comments are earth-shattering, I can completely see why they bug you, between your past history and the actual comments. I also sympathize… I am a former Catholic (now non-denom) and am going to have to listen to a lot of crap over my life… ahem. Anyway.

I get the feeling that you’re always going to struggle with this a little bit with her. You know that “love keeps no record of wrongs”… but even when you forgive, its hard not to have the lessons or feelings of previous wrongs creep back when confronted with the same/similar thing. So, I think there’s a couple of things you can try here.

One would be never acknowledge anything she says that offends you. If she’s the type that feeds off an argument, this may be the best solution.

However, if she just lives for the little side jabs and one-liners, you might just have to evaluate them each time. Like the oxygen mask thing — how do you even respond to something like that? Just dismiss it. As for the crud about schools, one polite but unequivocal correction right as it happens might make her think twice about trying to push your buttons.

As for your Darling Husband, I don’t think it sounds like he’s dismissing your concerns at this point. He might not hear things/pick up on the undercurrent of the message like you do. It seems like he was distracted when you were talking to him about it too.

Post # 8
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you’re overreacting. Maybe just brush them off. Some people are a little tactless and just get under your skin, but IMO she hasn’t said anything terribly offensive.

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