Post # 1
…and when I say “noise”, I mean things that Darling Husband thinks shouldn’t be heard. For instance, he will immediately turn on the TV and have it blaring when he’s at home and not on the phone. But, he can’t stand things like the dog barking outside, or a baby whining/crying.
This little fact was brought up recently and made me a little worried about babies (again).
We went to my grandparents house at Christmas to check on my cat that stays with them while they were away. He’s a pretty talkative cat, and when we came into the house he meowed a few times at us, than was quiet for the rest of time. I made a comment a couple days ago about how we probably could have kept him because he’s a really good cat and him and Darling Husband get along. DH’s response, “But he’s sooo noisy! Look at how he was at your grandparents!” I stopped, stared at him and replied very seriously, “How are you going to handle having a baby, than?” He laughed it off with, “I’ll get better” or something along those lines. I didn’t go further with it.
He makes comments when we’re around children how loud and messy they are. We don’t invite any of our friends or family that have kids/babies over because he doesn’t want to “wreck our house”. But, he does also make comments about how well a baby is behaving, like when we were visiting cousins of his that have a 6 month old that was quiet the whole time (save for when he was coo-ing and doing baby-talk) except for when he got to his “cranky” time of the night and was about to be put down. He said that was “acceptable”.
Has anyone else had something similar with their DH’s? How did he deal with having screaming, crying, messy baby in the house?
Post # 3
This sounds like my partner he hates noise and doesntbreally like how noisy and kids are. But his mother is the same and had two so maybe it’s true how they say its different when it’s your own
Post # 4
He could always get some noise-cancelling headphones.
Post # 5
He could always man up.
Sorry, noise stops for no one.
Post # 6
I think it’s a combination of manning up and it being different with his own kid. In fact, I can’t stand other kids crying/screaming, being noisy, making messes, etc. But with my daughter, I definitely have a greater patience. And it’s the same with my SO, though he does get annoyed pretty quickly in comparison, usually around the time the noise is just starting to actually become noise to me – still much more patient than with other children. It’s not really a problem.
I mean, it’s your baby. Noise comes with parenting. You adjust to it, and personally my SO and I now feel weird if the house is quiet! I think you two will find that your own baby sounds a lot different than other people’s kids, you’ll have a different kind of patience for them, and if a noise does become a little too much for one of you to handle, the one who’s doing better can take charge of the situation (what ever it may be) and allow the other to get some breathing room, maybe go to a different room – though if it’s something like “Oh I can’t hear the TV over the baby playing noises,” just tell him to use captions. That’s what we do. 😉
Post # 7
I think it is different with your own child because of a bond you have. At least that is what my mom told me. If he hates noise he needs to get over it because it’s your child for goodness sake, but honestly I think he may feel different when it is his own child. I think I am kind of impatient when it comes to babies crying too, but I know that comes with having a child and I am going to love my child no matter what.
Post # 8
Have you asked him if he wants kids?
Post # 9
It sounds more like me lol in the end I just had to deal with it and 7 years later noise is the least of my worries :-p
Post # 10
We’re biologically programmed to react to the noise of a baby crying; it’s a signal to adult humans that something is wrong with a little human. Part of why the crying of other babies annoys us is that we instinctively want to fix whatever is wrong with that baby, but it’s not socially acceptable to pick up their baby and try to figure out what’s wrong, so we have no control over whether the noise stops. When it’s your own child, you have the ability to make it stop, and after the first couple weeks, you know what to do to make it stop. This gives you a feeling of control about the situation and makes it less annoying (most of the time; colic is a different issue). He probably will get better when it’s his own kid, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
Post # 11
This would be my biggest concern. Anything else he doesn’t like that is pretty kid-centric? We already have noise, mess, and occasional damage to house and home…. It’s not like those things ‘get better’. My brother’s 17 and still all of those things!
Post # 12
Thanks, gals! Feeling a little better about it. He does often say that he’s “heard” it will be different when its his own, but not that “it will be”. I think it worries him too. I’m hoping it will be different.
I just see how cousin E is (whom Darling Husband is very close with and they are very alike) with his LO who’s 6 months and I’m afraid Darling Husband will be the same way – getting noticeably annoyed at the smallest sounds, mocking the little guy when he’s crying, etc.
@RunnerBride13: Yes. He says he does, but not anytime soon. We don’t have a concrete timeline ATM.
Post # 13
@Peacockfeather: We’ve talked about it. He wants to sleep in, go on spur of the moment trips, go out whenever we want, likes a clean house.. Everything child-free couples do/have. He says he’s not ready to give any of that up yet. My biggest worry the past while has been that he’ll never be ready to give it up. I have yet to truely express that worry because I know we’re actually not ready to have babies just yet. But I would like to start trying next year sometime…
Post # 14
@CherryWaves: If you want kids in your lifetime, have the conversation for real, now.
I am childfree by choice, as is my fiance. We’re not having kids for all the reasons you stated; we don’t want to give up the lifestyle we have now. I’d say for 90% of CBC’s, that’s the case. I thought once that I’d have kids. I thought I’d have to give up everything I’ve got now, and my future career, to do so. Note that I didn’t say I *wanted* kids, just that I figured it’d happen. Now that I’m older and have thought about it more, having kids just isn’t what either of us want, and we can’t imagine changing our minds.
I don’t want to discourage you, but it sounds like you two have very different expectations and what could end up happening is you having a husband who feels like I did: sure, he’ll have a kid, but it doesn’t mean he’ll want it or enjoy it.
Post # 15
@Peacockfeather: Thanks for the insight. That last statement is exactly what I’m afraid of.
There’s times where I’m enjoying that we’re child-free ATM with the sleeping in and last minute jazz (especially because we’re doing renovations and will be over the next few years), but I do get those pangs of *wanting* to have a child of my own to raise. I don’t know if Darling Husband is the same. I’ll see if I can get a chance to have a good, long talk soon.