DH doesn't want my sisters to be around our kids.

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2387 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris

Hard to say without more info on his reasoning. 

Post # 4
18 posts
  • Wedding: September 2017

To be honest, it’s hard to say what you should and shouldn’t do – I don’t know back stories or his reasoning for wanting to cut ties with your sisters. Here’s what I can tell you, though, as a woman with three sisters…. you only get one family. Sure, you don’t get to choose your family, but you only get one. If he doesn’t like them, then he doesn’t have to be around them. But I do think it’s wrong for him to say that YOU need to cut them out – shouldn’t that be your own choice? I’m worried for you later on – would you regret the decision to cut them out of your life? Again, I don’t know his reasoning and I don’t know what your sisters are like. For me, though, no matter how self-absorbed my sisters are, no matter how many issues they have, they are still my sisters. Again, I don’t know details, so what’s right or wrong isn’t very clear.

Post # 6
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

modestbee056 :    You haven’t really included any real reason for him to have these opinions.  Your husbands comments are very strong, calling your sisters ‘idots’ and ‘bimbos’ seems out of order to me.

How do you feel about this?  Do you really want to cut your sisters our of your children’s lives?

Post # 7
3748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So your husband forbid your sisters from ever seeing your children without even consulting you about it and you are wondering if you should just “let it go?” He sounds very controlling, and I think it’s ridiculous he would do this without you completely on-board unless there was a REALLY good reason (like a threat to safety, addiction, etc., not just that they are “bimbos”).

Post # 8
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

You could probably stop paying for their stuff and giving into their demands without cutting them out of your lives. I mean, will you still see them at family events? 

Post # 9
2218 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Does he think that you giving them money is taking it away from your kids? Because I would see it that way. How old are your sisters? Giving them money to sort out issues they’ve caused isn’t going to do anything except make them dependent on you, which isn’t right. If I understand it correctly, he hasn’t tried to say you can’t see them, just that he doesn’t want the kids around them, and I can see that being reasonable if they’re a bad influence.

Post # 10
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I agree with PP that DH’s actions seem controlling. As this involves your children, it’s not a case of ‘letting it go’ – this needs to be a serious discussion about the impact on the wider family and the implications on your children, with both of you highlighting what you want and need.

Conversely, footing the bill for your sister’s partying is ludicrous. You are facilitating childish behaviour and basically spoiling them. You aren’t their mother and it sounds like they need to grow up. The more you give, the more they will take. Eventually this will become a burden (financially or otherwise) – I’m not surprised that DH feels that way about them.

My FI has one sister like this, and it rubs me up the wrong way every time she stands with her hand out and gets whatever she wants. She doesn’t contact FI unless she’s bragging about something materialistic, or wants something from him. So I kinda get how he’s feeling.

If you and FI are bringing up your kids properly, your sisters shouldn’t be an issue. Your kids may pick up on these behaviours though and expect the same themselves, which is guaranteed to lead to bratty kids. They still deserve to see their Aunts but need to be taught that actions have consequences that you aren’t going to bail them out of – something it sounds like your sisters need to learn too.

Post # 11
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I think we still need more information

Post # 12
5145 posts
Bee Keeper

As the other half of a joint unit, I’d be pretty mad if you were dropping money left and right for family and not telling me especially if it’s enabling them to party more. That is money could be going to our kids instead of them, like for a college fund or something. They’re grown adults and don’t need you to pay for their habits, problems, carpet issues etc.

You’re enabling and I’d be annoyed. Do I think your DH is handling this the right way? Definitely not, but I understand why he’s annoyed that you’re spending money on your sister’s poor choices instead of on your own children.

Post # 13
2896 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

What do YOU want? You’ve only talked about his feelings. 

Post # 14
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I agree with Pinkcorsage, stop giving her money

Post # 15
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

You’ve provided so little information that it’s hard to understand exactly what is going and and what your husband’s problems are. But I will say, I’m not at all liking the language your husband is using to talk about your sisters. I cannot imagine my husband talking about any of my family members in such a derogatory way. 

And also, he just made this decision unilaterally? With no imput from you? That’s not okay. This should have been something you two talked about together. 

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