DH doesn't want my sisters to be around our kids.

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’ve just been up for hours last night thinking if I should stop letting my family hang around my kids because of an offhand comment my mom made at a party. If  someone in your family is… well… a racist for example, you just never know when they will spout their disgusting views and it might seem easier to just cut them out. But I guess the other way is to lead by example and hope it’s your behavior,  not theirs,  that will sink in for the little ones. Dropping family from your life completely is not always an option, because maybe they’re idiots all right, but they’re still human and it’s not kind to them, bless their benighted little hearts. 

Giving money to your sisters for party expenses,  now… why?  If they can’t earn the party money,  they can just party less. It’s not your job to support two grown adults in addition to your own family.

Post # 17
Member
2226 posts
Buzzing bee

I get the feeling there’s much more going on here than you’re saying. 

I’m not going to call your husband controlling just because of what he said. He could be fed up for a very good reason. If your sisters are as bad as it seems they could be, he’s probably right about them not seeing your children anymore. 

Post # 18
Member
2329 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

There seem to still be a few details still missing… anywho…

They are your kids together, yes? Then you both have a say. You need to have a conversation about it and come to an agreement. Whether it is limiting the contact as a compromise or agreeing with his reasoning and eliminating contact, it should be your joint decision for the well-being of your children. 

Post # 19
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

modestbee056 :  You’re giving money to your sisters without consulting your husband??

Post # 20
Member
7918 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Gonna need a whole lot more information here. People generally don’t cut family members out of their lives unless there’s some pretty serious shit going on.

But I’d be pissed too if DH gave his sister $200 without consulting me first, especially for something like carpet cleaning. Why is that your family’s responsibility?

What is this “rubbish” behavior he’s talking about? What does your mother have to do with it?

Post # 21
Member
9664 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

 you spend hundreds of dollars on things without talking to him, which suggests that he isn’t as controlling as he might appear at first glance. 

You shouldn’t be supporting your sisters with your family money without discussing it with your husband. It’s not like it was an emergency. 

Same re he doesn’t get to dictate who your kids will have a relationship with in your family without discussing it with you. If he has a legit issue re your family like drugs or violence or hate, that’s a diff story.

Post # 22
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Westwood :  “People generally don’t cut family members out of their lives unless there’s some pretty serious shit going on.”

Totally agree. There has to be a lot missing here. I’ve never heard of someone wanting to cut out a family member because they’re spoiled and the wife gave them $200 once. The money part sounds like a problem he should have with YOU, OP. Because you’re the one that decided to give your sisters money for basically no reason without talking to him about it. That’s not a sister problem. That’s a YOU problem. 

Post # 23
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

My husband would never in a million years tell one of my family members that they couldn’t see our child without talking to me about it first. But then I would never in a million years give away hundreds of dollars without talking to my husband about it first. 

Sounds like both of you should learn to better communicate with each other. 

I will say, it would take A LOT for me to cut out a family member. You can stop giving them money without completely cutting them out of your life. 

Post # 24
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

How old are these sisters? Not that it excuses why you’d spend so much money, but if they are teenagers, I can understand why you’d want to help to take the burden off your mother. However, while you may think you’re helping, continuously doing this is only enabling them.

How is the financial situation with you and DH? Do you have seperate accounts where you can spend your money freely? Or are you specifically taking away from your joint savings?

I’m not a fan at all of how your DH is handling the situation. Your reaction is also odd. This is not a situation where you should “let it go”, you two need a proper conversation about this.

How do you feel about all this?

Post # 25
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

If you normally discuss issues in a dripping manner of relevant details, and this thread isn’t an aberration, then you and your husband could probably work on communication. 

Leave a comment


Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors