Post # 1
Okay bees, tell me if I’m overreacting here. I am pregnant and in the throes of morning sickness. I was so sick my doctor had to medicate me because I couldn’t keep water down and I was missing work. It helped but I still throw up daily. I am exhausted and just miserable. All I want to do is lay in bed.
DHs birthday is this weekend and he’s going to have a guys weekend that is 7 hours away. Normally that would be fine with me, but not while I’m feeling so sick. He never gets to do anything and it’s his birthday so I feel guilty. But not guilty enough to want to spend my weekend in hell puking and caring for my toddler completely alone.
I have told him how bad I’m feeling and how hard this will be for me. He offers to get the grocery shopping done which is nice but he has not offered to not go or reschedule for another weekend. And this weekend they won’t even be able to be outside doing much because the hurricane will be causing heavy rain the whole weekend. He says he can’t reschedule because his friend gave up tickets to some game he was going to go to so he could do this weekend.
I am feeling really resentful and upset. I feel like he is putting his enjoyment over my basic needs. Tell me if I’m overreacting.
Post # 2
I don’t think you’re overreacting. I think you’re pregnant and you’re tired and you’re gonna spend a whole weekend dealing with that alone and with a toddler to take care of as well. If the hurricane is gonna affect the weekend anyway I’d reschedule regardless but considering your current condition I’d be upset too that he’s not rescheduling at the very least.
Post # 3
If you didn’t have a toddler, I might feel differently. Can you have someone stay with you? Mom or friend to help out? Even a babysitter might be help. I wouldn’t want him to reschedule but ugh thats so shitty.
Post # 4
Tell him he’s good to go if he takes the toddler with him.
Otherwise, echoing PP, do you have anyone who can help you?
Post # 5
daysgoneby : You’re pregnant, sick and have a toddler to take care of? You’re not over reacting at all.
If he’s really unable/unwilling to change or cancel the trip, is there someone else that can stay with you and help you out?
Post # 6
I totally understand you, but if he never does anything and he has been looking forward to this I can understand him not wanting to offer to stay. Him getting everything for you is good, maybe you could get a friend to hang Out?
Post # 7
I can understand you’re feeling shitty but since your husband doesn’t usually do things with his friends and he has already mentioned he can’t reschedule I think it’s understandable if he went on this trip.
Do you have any family locally?
Post # 8
I was entirely on his side until you mentioned you HAVE A TODDLER TO TAKE CARE OF.
Even still, I would look for every other option for help before asking him to sacrifice this weekend, especially if he never gets to do anything for himself.
And if all else fails, and he goes on his weekend, and you can’t find help, then I would want to negotiate a “return” – as in, he takes the toddler all weekend next weekend so you can just lay in bed for days on end. Or a spa day if you’re feeling up to it.
Post # 9
daysgoneby : I’m with the PPs who thought you were being a little hard on him until the part about the toddler. Nope. He can take the little one or he can find suitable alternate care for the little one while he’s gone. Leaving you puking, medicated, and caring for a toddler for 3 days does not cut it. Hope he gets it sorted out!
Post # 10
We don’t live near family. My bff would help but she’s out of town this weekend too. Which was another plus to him rescheduling. It’s not that they can’t reschedule. It’s that one of them doesn’t want to reschedule because he passed something else up for this. Which is understandable, but so is rescheduling because you have a very sick wife at home. They’ve only been planning this for the past 2 weeks.
On top of all of that my house is a wreck and I have no food prepped for when I can actually eat. The smells make me sick from cooking. The sink is full of dishes because again the smells make me sick. I’m just a pathetic lump on the couch and my medicine isnt working as well as it was at first so I’m feeling worse every day.
It seemed like they weren’t going to go because originally the hurricane was going right over the campsite but now its veering more south so it should be mostly rain. I’m just feeling frazzled and unprepared to be toughing this weekend out. I had thought the trip was off due to the weather until yesterday so I didn’t do some of the things I would’ve liked to have gotten done.
I’m pretty much just whining at this point because I feel so shitty physically and I feel bad for Darling Husband and also for me. I don’t want him to miss out, I just wish it didn’t have to cost me so much for him to do this.
Post # 11
duchessgummybunns : That sounds really nice. Lol.
Post # 12
He just went out to my favorite restaurant to get me food to hopefully tempt me to eat while I lay in bed. He’s trying to butter me up.
Post # 13
I’m sorry you’re not feeling well! The toddler in the mix changes my original opinion. If he literally never does anything like this for himself and has been looking forward to it for a long time, I’d feel really bad about him backing out last minute or cancelling plans. But when does he leave, tomorrow? Can he do the grocery shopping and pick up/ do some meal planning for you tonight before he goes to help out? And maybe call a girlfriend over on Saturday to help you with dinner and just give some relief so you can maybe take a nap or just be “on call” in case you’re not feeling well and need a backup to help with your kid?
Post # 14
I would side with your husband on this one if the toddler wasn’t in the picture. However, he has to accept that he is a father and husband first. His pregnant wife is miserably sick and it is not right for him to take off all weekend and leave you to care for a toddler in the state you are in. It sucks that he hasn’t simply decided that himself – it’s really unfair to put you in the position of having to ask him to stay home with you and then possibly spend all weekend with him being resentful about it.
Hopefully, if you just lay it out to him why you need him home this weekend, he agrees and doesn’t get upset about it.
Sorry you’re having such a shit time 🙁
Post # 15
daysgoneby : uhhh the sink shouldn’t be full your husband should do that while you’re super sick. He should get the house in top shape before he leaves with food in the fridge and everything. I’d be upset too.