Post # 46
daysgoneby : okay your update makes me do a complete 180. Going away for a boys weekend is one thing. Going and having a traditional bday party elsewhere without you being invited is another. If hes happy to chill with the kids and eat cake then he should be doing that at home and inviting the cousins and friends over.
I’d expect him to either go camping for the one night and come home, or stay home.
Post # 47
- Wedding: December 1969 - City, State
daysgoneby : but the second night they’ll be staying at his cousin’s house an hour away. With his cousin’s wife and their daughter. Apparently she is making a cake for Darling Husband and they are celebrating his birthday. They just now told Darling Husband this.
Oh hell no. He better be eating YOUR cake and celebrating with HIS/YOUR kid.
Post # 48
He’s not going. After the whole birthday party thing on top of the original issue he told them he’d have to reschedule or they would do it without him.
They can’t reschedule for next weekend and the weekend after that is my birthday so he is a little bummed because he thinks it will never happen now and he literally never does anything. I feel relieved because I really don’t think I could handle all this on my own and I was really pissed about the birthday part. I have no idea why they didn’t even try to invite us. I talk to his cousin’s wife and she never said anything.
Post # 49
daysgoneby : I am so sorry, but your husband sounds VERY immature. I as other, PP, was all for him having a guys camping trip… but then you stated Toddler. THEN you updated about the cousins house… um, no.
Tell Darling Husband, he IS taking the toddler. This is not up for debate. He is a father, guess what buddy that comes first. You need to focus on getting better right now, he needs to take the toddler with him.
If I were you at this point, I would want him out of the house just for my sanity. This is DH’s normal behavior?
**Edit for your latest update. “little bummed because he thinks it will never happen now and he literally never does anything”….. How old is he!?! Mentally, 8? Why not, “Hey, I just do not feel right leaving OP home sick and with little toddler. Why don’t we all celebrate in a few weeks when we can celebrate both of our birthdays.”
Post # 50
daysgoneby : I’m glad to hear he’s come to his senses. I think you weren’t asked to the cousin’s because H billed it as swinging by on the way back from a guys trip. Your H is the one who should have nipped those plans in the bud from the start. At least he’s listening to you now.
Post # 51
weddingmaven : It was actually their thing. His cousin texted him, “Because of the rain we’ll just do one night at the campsite and then we’ll spend the rest of the time at my house. Wife is baking a cake for your birthday so we can celebrate.”
Darling Husband didn’t ever want to go to their house. The whole point of the trip was hanging out at the campsite (it’s actually a cabin in the woods) with just the guys. I’m not sure why his cousin was then trying to change the plans to being at his house with his family. Darling Husband wanted to be with the guys, he said if he was going to hang out at a house with a family eating birthday cake it should be his. So that part was completely them. The whole situation was just weird.
I’m kind of shocked at his cousin’s wife because we talk once a month or so. I could never imagine inviting her husband here without her during his birthday and taking it upon myself to bake his cake and not invite her and their daughter. That would be rude and I know she wouldn’t be ok with it.
I’m just glad its settled now. Hopefully I’ll be feeling better by October and they can do the weekend then.
Post # 52
Glad everything got sorted. Hope you will feel better and your husband will get his guys weekend.
I think this whole staying at cousin could be just throwing ideas without really thinking more about it. Like cousin was complaining about the rain and the wife says “why don’t you just head here earlier, I can make a cake”. Without really considering it as a party, more like just suggesting a solution. Obviously I don’t know them, but could easily be something without any intention of excluding or making it a thing just not thinking it through.
Post # 53
Glad you got it all settled, but I’d be having a Come to Jesus with Husband. Things shouldn’t have escalated as they did, and he needs to be proactive about helping out at home. He should notice things like dishes and no groceries and take it upon himself to take care of his family.
Post # 54
daysgoneby : I expect cousin’s wife was even less happy about the weekend camping trip then you were. How far away is she? She might have not invited you only because she assumed you wouldn’t want to make the drive, and husband was already going to be in the area.
Not sure about your husband. Sounds like he is cancelling the trip more because it has evolved into something he’s not super interested in vs. realizing how shitty it would be to leave you with a toddler when you are violently ill. The more I think about it the more floored I am that he ever thought this would be okay.
ETA; also agree with the poster right above me. Was the sink full of dirty dishes an isolated incident, or does he regularly shirk his duties around the house? He should not be on a cleaning and grocery shopping frenzy solely to alleviate his guilt about leaving his sick pregnant wife to care for their toddler alone while he goes out and parties. He should be doing that anyways, and he should especially be picking up the slack when you’re out of commision. He can’t control the fact that men can’t carry pregnancies but he sure as shit can do something about a sink full of dishes.
Post # 55
I wouldn’t want my husband going anywhere near the hurricane or if I lived possibly where the hurricane would hit. Especially being just with a toddler in case you have to evacuate
Post # 56
in my opinion, he’s being a douche.
Post # 57
Tatum : I usually do the dishes and grocery shopping. I only work part time not full time so many of the household chores fall to me. He takes out the trash, mows the lawn, puts dinner away and cleans the kitchen, sweeps, etc. He has been working a lot of overtime lately and goes to work at 430 in the morning.
It’s not that hes not willing to help out with my chores, he will, it’s just that I have to ask him to do it. And I just hadn’t done that because I know how tired he is when he gets home and I was thinking I’d get to it soon before we were out of dishes. I’m usually really on top of all that. The past few weeks have been rough all around. While I think he deserves a break, it’s just going to have to wait.
Post # 58
pinkcorsage : We dont live where the hurricane is heading. The cabin is just in the outskirts of the hurricane’s path, so there would be a lot of rain. But either way, I don’t see what fun they’d have in the pouring rain.
Post # 59
If he really wants to go, have him go on care.com and put an ad up for a mommy’s helper for this weekend. Have people come interview immediately. And be clear it is just to help you out with the house and toddler and meals since you are so sick right now. And it is a temp. gig. There is ways everyone can get what they want, he can go on his birthday guys trip and you can get help around the house.
Edit: Nevermind, I just saw your update that they aren’t going. I would still interview some babysitters/nannies for part time stuff, it is good to have phone numbers in case of emergencies. Last year we had no babysitters and no family close by, since getting on care.com we now have one main nanny for help in the mornings (we leave for work before daycares open so we need someone there to watch them before school) and 2 back up nannies in case of emergencies or date nights, or if we just need some help. It has made life way less stressful because we don’t have to scramble if we need help or want to go out on a date. It doesn’t have to be regular stuff to put an add on Care.com, it can be for “date nights” and then put in the posting what you are looking for i.e someone to help out around the house when husband is out of town, someone to watch the toddler when you go into labor or have dr appts, etc.
Post # 60
I still think it’s unfair to blame the wife. H’s cousin probably asked her if the guys could use the house if the weekend was a rainout. I bet she thinks it’s just as strange as you do that H would want to be at her house with a bunch of guys rather than with his own family on his bday.