DH going on trip this weekend and I'm upset about it.

posted 4 days ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

daysgoneby :  okay your update makes me do a complete 180. Going away for a boys weekend is one thing. Going and having a traditional bday party elsewhere without you being invited is another.  If hes happy to chill with the kids and eat cake then he should be doing that at home and inviting the cousins and friends over.

I’d expect him to either go camping for the one night and come home, or stay home.

Post # 47
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

daysgoneby :   but the second night they’ll be staying at his cousin’s house an hour away. With his cousin’s wife and their daughter. Apparently she is making a cake for Darling Husband and they are celebrating his birthday. They just now told Darling Husband this.

Oh hell no. He better be eating YOUR cake and celebrating with HIS/YOUR kid.

 

 

Post # 49
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

daysgoneby :  I am so sorry, but your husband sounds VERY immature. I as other, PP, was all for him having a guys camping trip… but then you stated Toddler. THEN you updated about the cousins house… um, no. 

Tell Darling Husband, he IS taking the toddler. This is not up for debate. He is a father, guess what buddy that comes first. You need to focus on getting better right now, he needs to take the toddler with him. 

If I were you at this point, I would want him out of the house just for my sanity. This is DH’s normal behavior?

**Edit for your latest update. “little bummed because he thinks it will never happen now and he literally never does anything”….. How old is he!?! Mentally, 8? Why not, “Hey, I just do not feel right leaving OP home sick and with little toddler. Why don’t we all celebrate in a few weeks when we can celebrate both of our birthdays.”

Post # 50
Member
10266 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

daysgoneby :    I’m glad to hear he’s come to his senses. I think you weren’t asked to the cousin’s because H billed it as swinging by on the way back from a guys trip. Your H is the one who should have nipped those plans in the bud from the start. At least he’s listening to you now. 

Post # 52
Member
996 posts
Busy bee

Glad everything got sorted. Hope you will feel better and your husband will get his guys weekend.

I think this whole staying at cousin could be just throwing ideas without really thinking more about it. Like cousin was complaining about the rain and the wife says “why don’t you just head here earlier, I can make a cake”. Without really considering it as a party, more like just suggesting a solution. Obviously I don’t know them, but could easily be something without any intention of excluding or making it a thing just not thinking it through.

Post # 53
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Glad you got it all settled, but I’d be having a Come to Jesus with Husband. Things shouldn’t have escalated as they did, and he needs to be proactive about helping out at home. He should notice things like dishes and no groceries and take it upon himself to take care of his family.

Post # 54
Member
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

daysgoneby :  I expect cousin’s wife was even less happy about the weekend camping trip then you were. How far away is she? She might have not invited you only because she assumed you wouldn’t want to make the drive, and husband was already going to be in the area.

 

Not sure about your husband. Sounds like he is cancelling the trip more because it has evolved into something he’s not super interested in vs. realizing how shitty it would be to leave you with a toddler when you are violently ill. The more I think about it the more floored I am that he ever thought this would be okay.

 

ETA; also agree with the poster right above me. Was the sink full of dirty dishes an isolated incident, or does he regularly shirk his duties around the house? He should not be on a cleaning and grocery shopping frenzy solely to alleviate his guilt about leaving his sick pregnant wife to care for their toddler alone while he goes out and parties. He should be doing that anyways, and he should especially be picking up the slack when you’re out of commision. He can’t control the fact that men can’t carry pregnancies but he sure as shit can do something about a sink full of dishes.

Post # 55
Member
5944 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t want my husband going anywhere near the hurricane or if I lived possibly where the hurricane would hit.  Especially being just with a toddler in case you have to evacuate

Post # 56
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

in my opinion, he’s being a douche. 

Post # 59
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

If he really wants to go, have him go on care.com and put an ad up for a mommy’s helper for this weekend. Have people come interview immediately. And be clear it is just to help you out with the house and toddler and meals since you are so sick right now. And it is a temp. gig. There is ways everyone can get what they want, he can go on his birthday guys trip and you can get help around the house. 

 

 

Edit: Nevermind, I just saw your update that they aren’t going. I would still interview some babysitters/nannies for part time stuff, it is good to have phone numbers in case of emergencies. Last year we had no babysitters and no family close by, since getting on care.com we now have one main nanny for help in the mornings (we leave for work before daycares open so we need someone there to watch them before school) and 2 back up nannies in case of emergencies or date nights, or if we just need some help. It has made life way less stressful because we don’t have to scramble if we need help or want to go out on a date. It doesn’t have to be regular stuff to put an add on Care.com, it can be for “date nights” and then put in the posting what you are looking for i.e someone to help out around the house when husband is out of town, someone to watch the toddler when you go into labor or have dr appts, etc.

Post # 60
Member
10266 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I still think it’s unfair to blame the wife. H’s cousin probably asked her if the guys could use the house if the weekend was a rainout. I bet she thinks it’s just as strange as you do that H would want to be at her house with a bunch of guys rather than with his own family on his bday. 

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