(Closed) DH Halfway "Gets" Sexism: What Next?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
1467 posts
Bumble bee

I completely understand what you are trying to say and I don’t think you need to get over anything or that your making a mountain out of a molehill. 

I suggest the book “Becoming an ally: Breaking the cycle of oppression” by Anne Bishop. 

Post # 17
769 posts
Busy bee

“Sexism exists”. And that right there is how Trump got elected.

OP, good for you for trying to find something to show your partner. Unfortunately, no matter how much it is explained to him, chances are he won’t get it. Look at the institutionalised women here who don’t get it.

i used to have an open letter to men bookmarked that was all about this but I can’t find it. I will keep searching. It was to do with rape statistics, being raised to fear (with good reason) etc. It is out there so keep looking. Feminist Current is probably where it was linked from, and there’s some good content there along these lines. 

Post # 19
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Just wanted to say – I think many women are under the impression that HR is there to help them and will protect them from workplace harrassment, should something like that occur. This is not correct – HR is not there for us employees. HR is there to protect the interests of the company – keeping you safe is not on their agenda, and they will do what’s best for your employer, not you.

Sometimes it does mean they help the woman and oust the harrasser. But sometimes it means silencing the woman, potentially ruining her career, and enabling the harrasser to stay in their role as if nothing happened. If the woman is a low level employee at a huge corporation and up against a partner who routinely brings in millions of dollars in revenue, most companies will not fight to oust the partner. And even if she is able to sue, the attorney fees would be life ruining for many, whereas many companies have the funds and the ability to drag out court cases for as long as they’d like.  

Post # 20
1657 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Sorry OP, but you seem to have a much bigger issue with this sorta thing than most people.

This is from someone who worked with 95% men in a large IT company at 22. Got flirted with a LOT but never felt threatened???

I can’t even think of a time I thought I was going to be ‘raped’ by a co-worker.

You seem to think that if I man has authority over you, he will use it for sexual advantage. 

Did something happen to you to make you paranoid about this kinda thing?

Post # 21
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
utgirlie :  Have you been sexually assaulted or raped in the past? If not, you are blowing this way out of proportion. I’ve been flirted with hundreds of times, and never felt threatened or thought “this guy could rape me.” That is not a normal way of thinking. 

Post # 22
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
utgirlie :  I totally understand. I hope you get to see the replies that offer helpful advice from bees who truly understood what you were trying to convey to your partner. Sexism is very real and it scares me too sometimes with ‘what ifs’ 

There’s a difference between a guy flirting and then being hit on by your boss…the latter is far more likely to make you feel compromised and powerless

Sexist words turning to violence may seem like a giant leap for some bees, but in reality that leap takes place more often and more quickly than they realise. 

I’m not saying that we should live in fear 24/7 but I definitely want to reassure you that your feelings are commonplace amongst women and shouldn’t be belittled. 

I tell DH every time a man is sexist towards me (a weekly occurrence unfortunately) and that helps – he’s far more aware of it all now.

Post # 23
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m extremely glad that I don’t even worry about this. Like, ever. And I’ve also been raped. And sexually harassed at work. Still. No fear. I refuse to demonize half the population & automatically place the other half as “victim”. Nope.

Post # 24
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

View original reply
jannigirl :  Same here. I’m not quashing sexism, it’s a real thing. But I too was raped, by an ex-boyfriend, and I’ve also been sexually assaulted at work. I feel safe. I’m not a victim. I’m not waiting for or expecting it to happen again. My fiancé is incredibly supportive and empathetic about what I’ve been through, but to him I’m a strong, courageous woman. Women should be empowered, not victimised.

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