- 9 months ago
- Wedding: April 2017
So I have a feeling this is something I’m just going to have to have a lot more patience with, but I was wondering if any of you have been through something similar.
Last month my husband was in a car accident. He was on his way to work and he was broadsided by a teenager driving a large SUV. She blew the stop sign and hit him going about 40 mph. Airbags in both cars went off; the teenager and her passenger were not injured at all. My husband had to undergo emergency surgery for a lacerated spleen, has 2 broken bones in his back (which will naturally heal over time) and got a concussion. He was driving a smaller sedan and his doctors were shocked he wasn’t more seriously injured.
At first, my husband’s attitude was great. It was me that was having nighmares about what could have happened.
He only took a week off of work after the accident and while he’s not on light duty (he’s an emergency doc) he gets more fatigued and sits more than before because his back stiffens up. He also has been treated for post concussive headaches. He’s had a CT and MRI since the accident to make sure there wasn’t any bleeding that was missed. So far all his tests have been negative and he’s been told this may take months to go away.
His car was totalled and the driver’s insurance covered the cost of a new car. But my husband wanted something much bigger than what he had – I totally understand that. The insurance covered the cost of a new sedan but since he wanted this giant SUV, we paid the difference.
He is also insisting that I get a new car. He’s been researching crash ratings endlessly and was shocked to find out the SUV I currently drive did not get the best ratings. He is adamant that we go this weekend to get me a new car; I had client meetings the last two weekends so I have been trying to put it off.
It’s not that he’s just paranoid about our cars. He basically wants to know where I am at all times. I’ve always kept him on top of where I am, like if I’m going to the gym with my friends, I’ll tell him that, but I don’t give minute by minute details. Now he needs to know when I’ll be home. If I’m meeting a client at night, he wants me to call him when I leave so he knows when I’ll be expected home, as it’s getting darker earlier these days. He usually doesn’t call from work but lately he has been just to make sure “I’m OK”.
I’ve talked to him about this and he apologizes every time for smothering me. He said he gets these irrational gloom and doom thoughts that something has happened to me and needs to check up on me. I asked if he could be having PSTD (I know that term is thrown around a lot but I think it really applies in his case). He said it’s possible but kind of brushed it off. He said he will make more of an effort to not be so paranoid. I went with him yesterday to the neurologist for a follow up (because he asked me to go) and the doctor (who is a friend of his) even said he noticed he’s more quiet than before. He prescribed him an anti anxiety medication that he wants him to take all the time for a couple of weeks, plus a medication that is commonly used for migraines that he’s had a lot of success using in people that have had concussions. My husband did just stop taking the strong pain medications for his back so maybe some of this is a side effect from that?
Maybe this is more of a vent than anything else as I had a lot of anger toward the teenager that hit him. I had a hard time letting that go, plus i was the one dealing with all this insurance business on top of my own work (which has been really busy lately). I know he’s frustrated because he can’t do the things he loves to do (like golf) for a while, plus I can only imagine what it’s like dealing with the headaches and “fuzziness” that he gets. I suggested that he take another week off just to try to heal some more and he said he didn’t want to as he was stir crazy just sitting around at home. He also feels guilty that I’ve been doing so much for him.
At the same time I feel selfish for just wanting the guy he was back. I myself am worried about the extra cost of his SUV and possibly me getting a new car, but he says financially we’re fine. I never did get used to just working on commission doing real estate so right now I have a contract job with my old engineering company but am still doing some real estate part time. I guess I worry about money since the time I was laid off and hated the inconsistency of real estate. I never feel like we’re financially OK but objectively if you look at the numbers we are. We haven’t gotten any of the bills for his hospital stay yet but supposedly the driver’s insurance will cover it 100%.
Sorry for the long post. Maybe I’m just expecting too much too soon.