- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
My husband is a wonderful guy 99% of the time. And then 1% of the time, I want to PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE.
Why? Because he gets this negative attitude sometimes and it makes me so angry I actually yell. In fact, it is the only thing we have ever discovered that will reliably cause me to yell at him.
Basically, what he does is decide ahead of time that some activity we’re about to partake in won’t be worth the time/effort/money (“this movie better be good”). Or he’ll decide that something is definitely going to go wrong (“taking them long enough to bring us our food. I bet it’s cold when it gets here”). Or, even more annoyingly, he’ll LOOK for things to be wrong with something that seems (to me) to be just about perfect.
A few examples: last weekend, we were driving down to a barbecue and on the way, he comes out with “well, I really hope this barbecue turns out to be fun,” in this tone that suggests that he thinks we’re more likely to win the lottery than actually enjoy ourselves at the barbecue.
When we arrived at Sandals for our honeymoon in the Bahamas, he looked in the envelope they gave us and only saw one key. Before even searching to see if the second key was in there, he starts in on “oh great, these idiots didn’t even give us two keys. Guess I have to go all the way back to the concierge now.” And then we get to the room and it’s “I thought there were supposed to be robes in here. They didn’t even give us our robes!” I’m like, we’ve been on our honeymoon for five minutes and all you can do is complain? IT IS OUR EFFING HONEYMOON!
Then this morning he pissed me off complaining about our amazing and nearly-free wedding photography. The photographers haven’t posted even CLOSE to all the pictures yet, but that didn’t stop DH from declaring that “I see they didn’t even take a picture of me walking down the aisle with my mom. That’s just great.”
When he gets like this, I want to slap him right across his Eeyore face. As I said, it makes me so angry I start to yell at him. “THEY HAVEN’T POSTED ALL THE PICTURES YET YOU IDIOT! Of COURSE there will be a picture of you walking down the aisle! What do you think they were doing while you were walking — playing Gin Rummy!??!”
I truly believe that this is a learned behavior. I used to be a Negative Nellie myself, and once I realized it was ruining experiences for me, I made the decision to stop acting that way. And I really want DH to do the same! At the very least, I want him to stop saying these things out loud, because then it ruins MY experience right along with his. I know he learned this from his mother — who, when I asked her at the rehearsal dinner if she was excited for the wedding, responded “Oh, I’m sure it will be fine.” (as in, ‘oh don’t worry, there’s like a 60% chance nothing awful will happen’)
Whenever I bring this up with him, he insists that he’s just being “realistic” and that by having low expectations, he avoids being disappointed. But how can he say that about, say, the Sandals example? When you expect them to screw up, you search for examples of them screwing up even when those examples don’t exist. There were two keys in that envelope, and there were robes in the room — just in a different closet than the one he checked. And we never wore the damn robes.
Anyway, is there anything I can do to help him stop saying things like this? It really makes me so mad, and I want him to break this habit before we have kids and he teaches it to them too. I can’t fathom how much enjoyment he misses out on by being such a Negative Nellie.
I’ve tried so many things. I’ve tried teasing him, calling him Eeyore or Negative Nancy, and that works sometimes if it’s something minor “hey Eeyore, how about you wait til you actually taste your food before deciding it’s bad?”). I’ve gotten mad and suggested that we just turn around and not go do whatever activity he’s apparently so sour on. I’ve told him to take his pissy attitude somewhere else because he’s ruining my good time. Those approaches just tend to make him mad.
As I said, I don’t see this as a personality trait that I have to take or leave. I see this as a bad habit (at least, the VOCALIZING his thoughts part) that needs to be broken. Am I thinking about this wrong? Am I the one that needs to just get over this? It just upsets me when I’m looking at a wedding picture and thinking “wow, this is SUCH a great picture! I love how my MOH is in focus but we’re not!” and then he comes up behind me and says something like “that’s not a very good picture. We aren’t even in focus.”
DH, if you don’t have anything nice to say … then shut the hell up.
Thoughts? Advice? Sorry this turned out to be so long!!!