(Closed) DH is not always up for BD?!

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t really have any advice for you. All I know in my family experience is that when my aunt and uncle were planning on having another child she just told him “pick a month, any month, and we have sex every single day that month”

Sexy texts throughout the day to warm him up to the idea?

Post # 4
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Does he feel pressure that he needs to perform because you are TTC? I’ve seen a couple of girls post the same problem. Like PP said, maybe texting throughout the day, or even putting it on the calendar to give him something to look forward to.

Post # 5
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Is he on any meds that would decrease sex drive?  Even if he isn’t there are some meds that are OTC and can help.  My Darling Husband used to take Longinexx (with Dr approval because of his meds) and it really helped him.

Post # 6
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ehhh sometimes having sex to “make a baby” isn’t so sexy even if you both really want one. Try moving the aspect of sex away from Baby Making and more into “sexy sex” πŸ™‚

Maybe do a different thing each night you want to have sex. Wigs? Costumes? Roleplay? What might be fun is to take a trip in the car and do the deed in new places! Spice it up and I’m sure he will be jumping your bones in no time. Guys can sometimes get turned off if they feel like the whole process has turned their penis into a turkey baster. πŸ˜‰

Post # 7
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Are you charting?  temping?  using OPKs?  There is no need for TONS of sex if you are doing the prep work ahead of time.  You only need to have sex ONCE that month if you can accurately determine when you ovulate.  And if you CAN’T accurately determine when you ovulate then all the “work” you are doing is for nothing (well, except the fun).

So, instead of putting all the *work* on him to have more BDing than he is comfortable with…… YOU do some of the work with temping and shorten the window of when you need to have the *action*.  THEN you can ask that he step up and do his part.

You actually don’t need to BD every day.  There are even some studies that will show it is actually DETRIMENTAL to BD that often if you are TTC.  Something about how fast men produce swimmers or what not and needing time to regenerate the right mix.

Every other day is MORE THAN sufficient.  Also, he shouldn’t, ahem, *take care of himself* on the off days….. again, something about doing it too often affecting the little guys.

 

I would focus on quality.  not quantity.  Are you orgasming?  There are studies that indicate female orgasm will help you conceive because of changes in your cervical mucus.  Are you using pre-seed?  You will hear lots of bees talk about success with that product.

Are you *too focused* on conception?  because stress can make it harder for you to concieve by producing cortisol which interferes with other hormones.  So don’t *focus* on conception (even though it’s hard!!!!!) and instead focus on enjoying your husband.

I would also recommend that you get the book “taking charge of your fertility”

 

Good Luck

 

Post # 8
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

OP…. I totally understand. I am in my fertile window and Fiance is too tired. Boo.

Post # 9
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Nailbreaker21:  That’s a tough one. I made the choice when we started TTC not to tell my Darling Husband anything about it. Basically I tracked my cycles and used OPKs but he didn’t know. I know every couple is different but I didn’t want my Darling Husband to think I was putting him under pressure or only interested in having sex with him for having a baby. Yes, it meant that I carried more of the burden and stress of testing/planning but I enjoyed being able to give my husband a completely stress free TTC period. I don’t think anyone likes feeling under pressure for sex, or that they are being “used” for sex (irrespective of if you both want a baby). 

You know your husband best if you think he can handle I say go for your plan. If you are worried it might effect him and maybe lead to performance issues/hurt feelings, I would back off and only try and instigate sex around O. 

Best of luck!  

Post # 10
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I cannot contribute as we are not at that stage in our lives yet… But what does BD stand for? lol  I can tell from context clues but can’t figure out what words you are referrring to πŸ™‚  

Post # 13
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Nailbreaker21:  sometimes when Darling Husband is not feeling up to the task, I’ll try to get him going with a little oral action until he is ready for the main event.

I hate oral, so it’s kind of a big deal and when i’m willing to do it.

Post # 14
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

lol thanks for the clarification 

Post # 15
Member
4945 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@PinkMermaid:  Ehhh sometimes having sex to “make a baby” isn’t so sexy even if you both really want one. Try moving the aspect of sex away from Baby Making and more into “sexy sex” πŸ™‚

 

This.

Post # 16
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee

Sometimes it can seem less sexy when it is sex with a mission. My dh and I usually only had sex about once a week, and when we TTC we BD 4 days before O, 2 days before O, the day before O and the day of O and the day after, which was nearly 5 days in a row, and it was exhausting even for me to try and keep it going. I tried to make that time extra special though, so I would wear the lingerie I hadn’t worn since the wedding night/honeymoon, etc. 

I definitely agree with PP about quality not quantity. The only reason we BD’d 5 days was because I wasn’t satisfied enough one of the days before O and never orgasmed and I didn’t think there was much sperm either. I also didn’t know when I would be ovulating, or I probably would have only done the 2 days before and the day of and day after O, so we just started BDing when I got EWCM. BDing every day or every other day for 2 weeks seems a little excessive since the most fertile days are right before and during ovulation, so no need to wear yourselves out. πŸ™‚

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