(Closed) DH is not keeping up on promises….what should I do?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This may be mean advice, but have you thought about renting? Nothing like paying rent in a crummy place to get the SO to man up and start saving. Right now, he has it easy. Forcing him to face realities of what it would be like if you weren’t living with your parents might force him to divy up some more. 

 

Post # 5
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Now that you are married it may be time to discuss combining finances and having you pay the bills and distribute spending money each week that each of you can spend on whatever you want no questions asked. 

He hasnt had to answer for his saving habits (or lack thereof) because you bailed him out last time. But by setting up a system where you both can see what each person is spending then there is an accountability. 

Start here and see how it works for a few months. If it doesnt, then its time to sit and have another conversation about what will work. IE he has his own checking and debit card that you put his portion of “spend how you want” money in it, but doesnt carry around credit cards. 

Post # 6
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

1. Why did you “let him off the hook”? You essentially gave him the green light to continue the behavior that you don’t like.

2. Where is his money going? Does he even know? Has he ever saved up for anything before? Is he prone to impulsiveness/unable to plan ahead? What is his current level of financial savvy?

3. It’s time for a hard talk about financial goals, sharing financial information, mutual accountability, etc. Maybe he doesn’t really want to buy a house. maybe he has no clue how much money houses cost. Maybe he has some sort of fina ncial issue that you don’t know about. The only way to know is to talk to him.

 

Post # 7
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re married to him with a child- you should be able to sit down with him and go over both of your finances to see where the money is going and create a budget. Also— are you married and living in separate homes? That’s not healthy, especially if parents are causing stress. 

Post # 8
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You probably need to combine your monies at this point.  At least have a combined account for saving for a house.  Have the money direct deposited from both your paychecks into this account.  What you have leftover can be used to pay the bills you currently have. 

If you don’t do something you’ll be living with your parents for ever…at least he will.

Post # 9
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I just want to make a suggestion of an automatic deduction into savings. I’m not great with saving money but the automatic movement of money helps tons!

Post # 10
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jpalm13:  that is a good suggestion! I always forget to suggest it

We have a certain % of our checks go automaticall to a savings account and the rest to the checking which pays for our day to day stuff.

 

Post # 11
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@MrsDavis0929:  Do you have a monthly budget? That would help you to see where the money is going. It would also help you guys take some of the arguing out if you have an agreed upon monthly plan.

Post # 13
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

This is what I’m afraid married life with my Fiance will be like. I need some advice too!  Fiance said he was saving for months and months for my ring…come to find out he didn’t save a dime and bought me a $100 ring (we agreed upon a less than $500 moissy that he SAID he was saving for) I had to buy  my own engagement ring and wedding bands and make him pay payments to me every week.  We need to put $600 down on our wedding venue and I told him he needs to find $600 by next saturday, I don’t care how he gets it, bc I’m the one paying for all of the wedding.  Mind you, just like your husband, he has no bills besides his cell phone, child support, and he lives with his grandma.  I own my own home, pay all my bills, and still manage to save $1000/mo.  My guess is this is never going to get any better for us but I hope someone who has been in the same situation has a success story!!

Post # 14
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I would sit him down and talk with him about how frustrated you are that you can save but he seems to think he can’t. Ask him if he really wants a house? Maybe he doesn’t want to “own”, maybe he doesn’t want the responsibility of owning, where he has to spend money on repairs and buying appliances if they break down, shovelling the driveway, cutting grass, paying land taxes etc….so having a discussion will help out with how HE views things.

Post # 15
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Like some PPs said, have you thought about combining money/finances?  We do this, so it’s not like Darling Husband saves some of his pay and I save some of mine.  We take our combined pay as a whole and decide together how much of *our* money goes where. 

Post # 16
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Savers marry spenders, it’s the way it works….he probably has no idea where it all goes either. I assure you he’s not doing this to irritate you at all.  Have him use a finance app that tracks what he spends where and review it together after a month.  If he uses the app, he’ll settle down on blowing his money, but don’expect perfection from him, old habits die hard and like it or love it, you are now for better or worse married to it.

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