(Closed) DH is officially a Police Officer. …Terrified for him

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
2173 posts
Buzzing bee

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princessanon0125 :  First of all, I think it’s 100% natural to be nervous. It’s a very dangerous job, even before recent events, and I think it’s wise to not “advertise” on vehicles.

But, it sounds like it’s been a lifelong passion of your DH, and he sounds like a good man. Those are the types need in law enforcement, so I think you should look at the positives and try not to focus on what could happen. No one is promised tomorrow, anyone could be injured on the job or driving to and from work.

Post # 3
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I have an uncle who is a police officer. I’m not particularly close with him or my aunt, but I do remember hearing my aunt mentioning a support group for officer’s wives that she found helpful. Maybe you can look into one in your area? 

Post # 4
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Edson Keith Mansion

Unfortunately I think this sort of fear comes with a lot of professions…my Fiance has nothing to do with any dangerous professions and I worry about shooters, crazy patients, etc. It is particularly strong for police lately. Personally I would want to support my husband even if it was difficult. There are ways to cope with the anxiety that comes with it.

Take solace in the fact that he has trained rigorously for this and stay positive! I think you will find quickly that there is so much support and respect for good police officers. Have him introduce you to some women he works with and wives of other officers. They will help you SO MUCH. Be proud of him! He has the potential to make such a big difference 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

3 officers in a city of 54k is a lot.

Post # 6
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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Washingtonian :  That’s what I was thinking. Like really a lot. There were 129 officer in the line of duty deaths in the entire U.S. in 2015. None in Chicago, a city of 3 million.

Post # 7
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

My fiance is trying to get into law enforcement, and I have many of the same fears. He’ll be graduating college in May, and he’s planning on taking a slew of civil service exams throughout his senior year. He was an MP for five years, is studying criminal justice in school, and this is what he wants to do.

He’s strongly considering border patrol, but is also open to law enforcement in more local municipalities (town, city, county, state).

Post # 8
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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fredthebasil :  unless the statistic is misleading.  like it’s been 3 over the last two years, and all three were at the same incident and there hadn’t been a death in 20 years prior. 

Post # 9
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh bee 🙁 My fiance has always wanted to be a cop. I went through the whole application process, helped him with the paperwork and buying him things that could help us. Then one day he totally shifted his thinking and decided he wanted to be in business with me. He says he still would love to be a cop, but he thinks our business will be a better life. I am thrilled!  And we’re not even in the States! 

My advice would be to talk about your concerns with him. Make sure he knows you support what he does, but you’re just scared. Maybe if he’s open to it you can come up with some ‘rules’ – if he gets in trouble you both sit down and decide together whether he should stay on the force. I know this is his life, his career, and his dream, but I believe that when you marry someone their opinion counts and you have to take their concerns into account. 

I also think you need to find a group for police WAGS. Being able to talk to other ladies who are going through the same thing will help heaps. 

Post # 10
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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Washingtonian :  I live in a city of 66,000 and I don’t think we’ve ever had a police officer die – and I’ve been here 15 years. 3 sounds quite high to me. I think any first responders spouse – whether police, fireman, paramedic – all have reason to fear.

I am so thankful for people like your husband – I hope he knows there are so many of us who admire them for the tough job they do. I also admire you as the spouse who shares your husband with all of us. 

Post # 11
Member
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

First of all, I thank you and your husband for your sacrifices. Being an officer and part of an officer’s family is a tough job–even more so now with this utter lawlessness and ridiculousness going on. 

Unfortunately, this worry comes part and parcel of being married to or in a relationship with someone in this line of work. You don’t have to go it alone, though. I second a pp suggestion about joining a support group. Also, figure out ways your husband can check in with you regularly so you are reassured if at all possible. And draw the line in the sand–if things become too much of a threat out there, he may need to make some alternate decisions in consideration of his family. There may be other jobs on the force besides straight “street duty.” And there may be other ways to help his community that are equally satisfying but less dangerous.

There will likely always be hate crimes. Those in the LGBTQ community, Jews, all races, even women participating in the suffrage movement during the 1920s and beyond–you guys aren’t the first to experience such a senseless thing and you won’t be the last. Try to support him and his decisions the best you can and weather the current storm together as a united front. 

Post # 12
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee

It’s just soooo hard! My father was a police officer and now my daughter and son-in-law both. You will worry but you’ll find ways to distract yourself and they will learn to not give you TOO many vivid details of their work days. It gets easier with time. Rest assured that he’s well-trained and they all do their best to take really good care of each other out there.

Post # 13
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Oh Bee, I feel you. So very much. My fi is a police officer as well in a large city and it’s just difficult to say the least. It’s hard to watch him walk out the door every evening for his 9p-7a, even harder with social media constantly posting about things going on in the city. Something that has been helpful to hear, but also a pain to be reminded of is, “If he is brave enough to go, you have to be brave enough to let him.” Every time he walks out the door I feel like a part of myself is walking through dangerous neighborhoods, seeing heinous crimes, dealing with the sadness of others. I cannot tell you how many people go off on me for marrying someone who could be so ‘vile’ ‘hateful’ and ‘racist’ all because that’s the career he chose to help others. I’m so sorry Bee but it’s the scariest profession in the world and sometimes it’s the hardest thing to do to just be a part of that life. All my love. <3 

Post # 15
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I appreciate your husband’s service! Especially his decision to even pursue it as a second career.

There’s hardly any sense telling you not to worry. It comes with the territory. You will worry all the time. My dad is a retired cop, and I work with tons of officers, several of whom I consider good friends (I’m a prosecutor). I would worry all the time if that were my Fiance. But I do think it will get easier over time. You need to trust in his training, his judgment, and his fellow officers.

Try not to worry too much that he’ll let his guard down. They are literally trained not to do that. In fact, you’ll probably see him becoming more alert and observant of his surroundings than ever in his daily life.

I’m glad you’ve taken some steps to protect yourselves from being identified as law enforcement. It’s horrible that’s even necessary, but it is what it is. Your Fiance should avoid coming and going from your house while in uniform. Some states have police privacy laws, which allows law enforcement and other officials to demand their information be taken off people finder websites. Consider using a PO Box for as much correspondence as possible (putting your data out there with all your accounts and subscriptions is how it gets onto the Internet people search sites). I know some cops who don’t use their last names on their Facebook accounts – they use their first and middle names instead.

Not telling you that you need to be paranoid, just smart. Your Fiance is doing a vital and often under appreciated job. But with your support, you will both get through it!

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