(Closed) DH is officially a Police Officer. …Terrified for him

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

The worry and fear doesn’t ever go away, you just have to try to cope as best you can. Keep in touch with the other wives/SOs of your husbands department, and check out the many online resources (National Police Wives Assoc, Humanizing the Badge are 2 good ones). 

My fiancé always assures me he is trained well, and follows procedure at traffic stops etc but it only comforts me so much. My state (MA) has mourned the death of two officers this year (one shot by a suspect on a car stop, the other in a car accident on duty) and my fiancé attended the services for both men. Any time we hear of an attack on police anywhere in the country, we have a discussion about him keeping safe. His department has become more cognizant as well, changing some policies to keep the officers safer.

it sounds like this is something he really feels strongly about and has that passion.. That makes it harder in my opinion, because you want so badly to continue to be supportive, but at the same time I think it’s ok to be a little “selfish” in wanting him to not have a job where the media blasts the profession, and half the country hate him or want him dead. 

Post # 17
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Also, expanding on what Green Gables mentioned, my fiancé will not stop at a store or run an errand on his way home in uniform, and tries to wear a jacket or something before and after shift to keep his uniform covered. It sucks to have to think about those things but it’s starting to feel necessary 


Post # 18
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My husband is a cop (in the UK). He was injured in an attack at work last year in a way that has changed his and my life for the past year and the foreseeable future. He has ended up with heartbreaking health issues, he will make a recovery but it’s a long road. We almost had to cancel our wedding and will probably have to change our timeline on having kids.


Sorry I know that’s not what you want to hear. What I would say is DH is now recently back at work with the police doing office based police work and I feel much better as I know he is safe, he’s not having to do all different shifts or wear body armour (both bad for health), he’s getting a lunch break now that he didn’t before, he gets home on time and isn’t always held on, his days off are never cancelled, from my POV it’s great and I’ve tried so hard to pursuade him to try and get a permanent office job even when he’s better. But he wants to go back on the streets. I think after 7 years it’s like he has cop in his blood and he won’t feel the same til he’s doing it again. That terrifies me especially now but I have to support him in what he wants to do, it’s his life and I want him to be happy, so I totally feel you on all the things you’re feeling.


Also on the point about the car sticker- I think it’s not as bad here as it is in the US but DH has always cautioned me to be discreet about his work as people have strong feelings about police. I can’t hang his police tops outside on the washing line, if he’s off duty in uniform he wears a jacket on top, we don’t tell strangers what he does and he once told me off for leaving the boot (trunk) of the car open in a public place too long when his police gear was in it. He knows cops who have been followed home. Better safe than sorry.

Post # 19
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Sorry OP, I referred to your DH as Fiance. Random, I know. But when I clicked on the thread just now and read it I noticed it. 😛

Post # 20
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

View original reply
princessanon0125 :  this profession is a calling if you will. Some are born to do this type of work. Thank goodness for the brave souls ready to protect their towns and their residents. Are there “bad apples”? Of course but for the most part, they joined the force to help and make a difference. They receive extensive training and you have to trust he has the tools to do what he needs to do his job. I know it I hard. I worry for my SO when he is called to front line policing. His job is mostly behind the scene so to speak. He is not often in uniform. But I completely understand you. 

Post # 21
5082 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

It’s sad that some people think that the answer to injustice is to force more injustice on someone else. Stay strong bee and thank your husband for me.

Post # 22
1405 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am sorry this happened to you. The killing of police officers is horrible. 

Police are being singled out for racism, but every person who uses illegal recreational drugs has contributed to the deaths in the inner cities and enslavement of poor people in gangs. The link isn’t as direct as seeing a video of a police officer shooting someone but it’s there.

Racism is a problem for our entire society but police are becoming the scapegoat.

Post # 23
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

My husband is a police officer and meeting the people who work in his beat made me feel so much better about him leaving. Knowing that the people he works with made me more confident that people have my husband’s back, and I have made some of my best friends through the police department. Getting to know the other wives helps too. The wives/girlfriends from my husband’s academy class are all super close. We get together some nights when the guys are working and it’s just nice to be around someone else who understands. 

We do keep a low profile because of all the stuff that has been going on recently. People started coming on officers property to take pictures on the police cars wearing shirts talking about “shooting back now” so he stopped bringing his car home, and just in general we don’t tell strangers what he does for a living. 

You will figure out how to manage stress the best way for you and it will get easier! 

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