@sailor_girl: Re – Reply # 18
You have done nothing wrong (NO Flaming from me) … you came across his activity accidently after your very WISE Womanly Intuition kicked in based on his past history under similar circumstances:
So, here we are 3 months after our wedding. We should be in married bliss. He has recently been acting somewhat distant and doesn’t seem to have any input or interests in our conversations. When using our laptop I saw I had a facebook message. When I clicked, I realized Darling Husband was actually logged in, and the message was from his Ex who he has always been hung up on. This piqued my interest and frankly, terrified me because we’re married now. And so, (here comes the flaming) for the last month I’ve been randomly checking his messages. She is in a failing marriage and hates her husband. She and Darling Husband speak daily and she sends photos of her kids to him. Nothing in appropriate, but I know how crazy he has always been about her and how he had ended up before. He also will delete the conversation history multiple times a day, so there’s no proof of it. He has never deleted a message before, and his facebook message history goes back to 2008.
YES… these on-line hook ups are Emotional Cheating / Affairs, especially so when he is so tapped out from them that they effect the Relationship / Marriage that the two of you share…
And don’t even get me started on the Selfies (more so the soft porn ones).
NONE of this belongs in a Healthy Relationship / Marriage.
Your guy KNOWS this… and hence WHY he is ashamed / hiding his behavior / covering his tracks.
Would Counselling help ???
Hard to know… it is an Addiction, he’d have to be committed to change. And well, having been married to an Addict previously (Alcohol), I can tell you that it isn’t possible for all Addicts to change.
You’ve been more than kind… giving him 3 chances. And in my book 3 IS ENOUGH… he’s struck out now.
Give him any more, and you are literally ENABLING this behaviour.
Leaving an Addict is hard, especially when all you wish in the world is for them to WAKE UP & CHANGE… cause you LOVE them so
But in truth, they love their addiction more than they love you. A hard thing to come to terms with. (sorry)
You will never be happy with him, as long as he is an addict. He has to WANT to change for himself.
No matter what happens, I suggest that YOU START BY GETTING SOME COUNSELLING FOR YOU…
You need to understand that you are an AMAZING WOMAN… his Addiction (even be it chatting with other women)… has NOTHING to do with you… IT IS NOT A JUDGEMENT ON YOU… that you are NOT ENOUGH, UNWORTHY, or any other bad thoughts that might be drifting into your head (I say this cause I know how this all works… when we cannot FIX THEM… we turn to self blame)
Hope this helps somewhat ((( HUGS )))