- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Just read this entire thread, all the responses, and your most recent update (this will be long!)
First of all, it also made me really sad to see how SAHM’s are viewed by so many people. I can’t say I am shocked, since we are all so programmed to think money = success, but it is disappointing nonetheless. Contributions to a family are more than just $$$.
I have had the advantage of being a Stay-At-Home Mom for my DD’s first year, and then returning to work full time after that (I SO desperately wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom or work part time but with my own student loan debt, our life goals, and my workplace, it wouldn’t work). From my POV, we could have done it (I don’t have many wants either), but from DH’s, it wasn’t going to fly..so I went back to work.
I gotta say, each has it’s own challenges. Niether was any easier or more difficult for me. At home, I never had a “break” from Dear Daughter. God knows I love her to bits, but it would be so very challenging to get a lot of things done once she started walking. I personally loved being home to raise her, and also keep a clean and functioning home for my Darling Husband. Meals were always ready, but in the few instances that I didn’t have it on the table right as he walked through the door, he didn’t lose his mind over it.
Returning to work had it’s own challenges and benefits. I loved that Dear Daughter was getting great social time at her daycare (she has learned SOOOOO much since starting!), and that I also had some time with adults, or could skip out on my lunch breaks to run a few errands without baby in tow. However, she still wasn’t sleeping through the night so I was exhausted. It was also really hard to come home & cook supper, get Dear Daughter ready for bed, pack her daycare bag, do other chores. I didn’t request too much additional help from Darling Husband on these things, but I think maybe I should have.
From your most recent update, I hate to take sides, but I do think your Darling Husband is a bit…spoiled. When you return to work, will he help pick up some slack at home as well? I truly believe that if both partners are working, then both need to help out at home and with baby as well. No pouting or complaining.
He might have to cook for himself…do a load of laundry, and god forbid “be stuck with the child” (that comment from him really bothers me…). He may work all day long, but does he not want to build a relationship with your son? Just because one works all day, does not mean parenting when you get home ends, and I think that needs to be for Father’s too, not just mothers.
In regards to your student loans, that has been a bone of contention in our relationship as well. I owe nearly $30,000 and that was part of the issue I went back to work after having Dear Daughter. Darling Husband and I both agree that we’re married, and a “unit” so whats mine is his, good and bad. If you guys are living as confortably as you say, $8000 should not be as big of a deal as it has become. The biggest issue of this whole dilemma is that he didn’t come directly to you and express this to begin with.
Sorry to be so long winded… Marriage is about compromise and communication. you both need to give and take..and it sounds like maybe both of you are stuck in reaching something that works for both of you.