DH is so disorganized and it drives me crazy!

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

I think you’re the one that needs to take a chill pill. 

Why do you care so much about HIS things?(also my feelings would be hurt oif my SO called my stuff “s***”). He’s aware he has a problem and he’s wanting to get help, so patience is key and all you can do is continue to help and reinforce organization techniques. Yeah it might be annoying but you do love this guy right?

Post # 3
Member
5321 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

His golf stuff being in his tool box is literally not a big deal. Stop trying to force your “systems” on him and stop micromanaging, you’re making yourself unnecessarily upset.

Post # 5
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

younikkitome :  yeah the constant losing and misplacing of things would drive me nutty also. My husband loses stuff all the time and I am constantly having to help him find things, however there are many times where I dont ( if it isnt super important- ill help him find his keys if he is leaving to go somewhere but if he lost something hobby related…good luck lol)  

I don’t have a lot of good advice,  but I can commiserate on some level! 

Post # 6
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

younikkitome :  also, I don’t know if adderrall is the answer. I think it might be better if he just makes a concerted effort to put things back where he found them. 

Getting organized can be really hard for some people. Start by finding a specific place for every single thing. Shoes, ammo, ect. And then work on putting it back exactly where it belongs. If it doesnt have a space in your house, it gets tossed. We try to follow that rule and it works pretty well. 

ETA: google the website ” unfuck your life:” 

Post # 7
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I am like your Darling Husband. I am not diagnosed with ADD or anything, I just am extremely messy & unorganized. It’s hard to change that. Don’t be so hard on him. I have a friend who has always been like me in that way and she tells me all the time her husband fusses at her about it and it makes me sad. You can’t always change people. He does need to do better about helping you clean though.

Post # 8
Member
1233 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Might want to try Min-Chex, it helps with anxiety, too.

Post # 9
Member
2509 posts
Sugar bee

Fiance has ADD and I just adjust my expectations.

I don’t want him to feel judged and/or found wanting, and I don’t want to drive myself crazy trying to change another person. So I just follow along behind him tidying things up, and remind myself of all the ways HE supports ME in areas where I’m “weak.” (Always cooking, doing most of the dog walks, financially, etc.)

I could see it bothering me a lot more if Fiance didn’t support me like he does and it was purely me always supporting/helping him. 

Post # 10
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

There are natural supplements he can take. Focus Factor. Look on Amazon or Whole Foods or a natural grocery store.

You need to pick your battles though. Like seriously. You’re going to make him and yourself miserable nit picking him. When I was frustrated with the house being constantly messy, I found a good piece of advice: either learn to live with it,  learn to let it go,  or do it for yourself because it matters to you and don’t punish him for it. 

Post # 11
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Being “disorganized” with guns and ammunition should be a major concern. Do you ever have children in your home, either your own or visitors?

Post # 12
Member
8259 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

glitterati :  

I know . The very idea of having stuff like that  in the house makes me shiver,  ( I’m not American so not  acclimatised to guns at all) let alone being disorganised with it . 

I totally empathise with OP generally though,  my h. puts everything  near where it’s supposed to be, except for clothes – those he  walks past  the bedroom to take off and hang on the backs of chairs  , or  exercise bikes or whatever.  If he’s ever found dead under  a pile of them , the police won’t have to look far.   

Post # 13
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

sf618 :  either learn to live with it,  learn to let it go,  or do it for yourself because it matters to you and don’t punish him for it. >> sounds like advice for women married to men who refuse to compromise or make an effort beyond whatever immaturity comes naturally.

Post # 14
Member
6088 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

My husband does the same thing. I tease him that he’s like PigPen from Charlie Brown but instead of a cloud of dirt, he walks around in a cloud of mental and physical chaos.

What I have found works best for us is when we pause and have family cleaning times together. He sometimes struggles to slow down figure out what to do on his own but will happily use checklists I’ve made or do a collective family cleaning process. This also has the added benefit of getting our son involved, too.

It sounds like your guy’s lack of organization is mostly just annoying, which is good. My primary area of concern would be- if he’s putting random shit in the gun case- where is he putting the guns? And are you planning to have children? It’s entirely too often that stories of children getting hold of a gun and shooting themselves or someone else are because their fathers did not properly secure their weapons.

When I get most frustrated, I just remember the audio clips I’ve heard of how the ADHD mind feels for someone on a daily basis. It was really overwhelming. I can’t imagine living like that all day every day. And it reminds me of how important it is for our home to be a peaceful and serene space for him and also for those of us who live with him. I’m also pretty into minimalism, and I’ve seen that getting rid of excess stuff helps quite a bit 

One last thing- there are some interesting books that present the idea that the ADHD mind is like a hunter’s mind in a world of farmers. It really helped me to think of it as a brain difference rather than a “deficit”.

Post # 15
Member
9101 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Who gives a flying fuck that he has “golf shit” in his tool box? are you looking for his toolbox;d golf shit?

I think you need to slow your roll.

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