Post # 1
My Darling Husband definitely has some form of Attention Deficit Disorder so I try to be understanding, but holy shit his disorganization drives me crazy. I know most men aren’t as clean as ladies but over the last 5 years he has actually gotten so much better with cleaning around the house. Most guys have something they really take good care of. Not him. He has golf shit in his tool box, tools in his gun case, ammo in his golf stuff. I can implement systems and organize stuff to high heaven but he just puts things in first spot he can find. He’s constantly losing and replacing things. His family is the same way, always living in chaos and procrastinating so I’m sure that didn’t help him. Once we get health insurance he wants to get a prescription for Adderall because it truly helps him focus so much better. But in the meantime, is there anything else that can help him? Otherwise, I might kill him!
Post # 2
I think you’re the one that needs to take a chill pill.
Why do you care so much about HIS things?(also my feelings would be hurt oif my SO called my stuff “s***”). He’s aware he has a problem and he’s wanting to get help, so patience is key and all you can do is continue to help and reinforce organization techniques. Yeah it might be annoying but you do love this guy right?
Post # 3
His golf stuff being in his tool box is literally not a big deal. Stop trying to force your “systems” on him and stop micromanaging, you’re making yourself unnecessarily upset.
Post # 4
kittykax : Because “his things” wind up all over the house. We live in a historic part of town so our apartment is smaller. His golf clubs, clothes, shoes, schedule, papers, you name it wind up in the middle of our living space instead of the closet where they belong. It’s as simple as having a basket for shoes by the door but he will leave them right in front of the basket. Of course I love him, which is why I want to help him. I can’t tell you how many times it’s also affected me because I’ve had to turn around and go home because he’s lost his keys or misplaced something.
Post # 5
younikkitome : yeah the constant losing and misplacing of things would drive me nutty also. My husband loses stuff all the time and I am constantly having to help him find things, however there are many times where I dont ( if it isnt super important- ill help him find his keys if he is leaving to go somewhere but if he lost something hobby related…good luck lol)
I don’t have a lot of good advice, but I can commiserate on some level!
Post # 6
younikkitome : also, I don’t know if adderrall is the answer. I think it might be better if he just makes a concerted effort to put things back where he found them.
Getting organized can be really hard for some people. Start by finding a specific place for every single thing. Shoes, ammo, ect. And then work on putting it back exactly where it belongs. If it doesnt have a space in your house, it gets tossed. We try to follow that rule and it works pretty well.
ETA: google the website ” unfuck your life:”
Post # 7
I am like your Darling Husband. I am not diagnosed with ADD or anything, I just am extremely messy & unorganized. It’s hard to change that. Don’t be so hard on him. I have a friend who has always been like me in that way and she tells me all the time her husband fusses at her about it and it makes me sad. You can’t always change people. He does need to do better about helping you clean though.
Post # 8
Might want to try Min-Chex, it helps with anxiety, too.
Post # 9
Fiance has ADD and I just adjust my expectations.
I don’t want him to feel judged and/or found wanting, and I don’t want to drive myself crazy trying to change another person. So I just follow along behind him tidying things up, and remind myself of all the ways HE supports ME in areas where I’m “weak.” (Always cooking, doing most of the dog walks, financially, etc.)
I could see it bothering me a lot more if Fiance didn’t support me like he does and it was purely me always supporting/helping him.
Post # 10
There are natural supplements he can take. Focus Factor. Look on Amazon or Whole Foods or a natural grocery store.
You need to pick your battles though. Like seriously. You’re going to make him and yourself miserable nit picking him. When I was frustrated with the house being constantly messy, I found a good piece of advice: either learn to live with it, learn to let it go, or do it for yourself because it matters to you and don’t punish him for it.
Post # 11
Being “disorganized” with guns and ammunition should be a major concern. Do you ever have children in your home, either your own or visitors?
Post # 12
I know . The very idea of having stuff like that in the house makes me shiver, ( I’m not American so not acclimatised to guns at all) let alone being disorganised with it .
I totally empathise with OP generally though, my h. puts everything near where it’s supposed to be, except for clothes – those he walks past the bedroom to take off and hang on the backs of chairs , or exercise bikes or whatever. If he’s ever found dead under a pile of them , the police won’t have to look far.
Post # 13
sf618 : either learn to live with it, learn to let it go, or do it for yourself because it matters to you and don’t punish him for it. >> sounds like advice for women married to men who refuse to compromise or make an effort beyond whatever immaturity comes naturally.
Post # 14
My husband does the same thing. I tease him that he’s like PigPen from Charlie Brown but instead of a cloud of dirt, he walks around in a cloud of mental and physical chaos.
What I have found works best for us is when we pause and have family cleaning times together. He sometimes struggles to slow down figure out what to do on his own but will happily use checklists I’ve made or do a collective family cleaning process. This also has the added benefit of getting our son involved, too.
It sounds like your guy’s lack of organization is mostly just annoying, which is good. My primary area of concern would be- if he’s putting random shit in the gun case- where is he putting the guns? And are you planning to have children? It’s entirely too often that stories of children getting hold of a gun and shooting themselves or someone else are because their fathers did not properly secure their weapons.
When I get most frustrated, I just remember the audio clips I’ve heard of how the ADHD mind feels for someone on a daily basis. It was really overwhelming. I can’t imagine living like that all day every day. And it reminds me of how important it is for our home to be a peaceful and serene space for him and also for those of us who live with him. I’m also pretty into minimalism, and I’ve seen that getting rid of excess stuff helps quite a bit
One last thing- there are some interesting books that present the idea that the ADHD mind is like a hunter’s mind in a world of farmers. It really helped me to think of it as a brain difference rather than a “deficit”.
Post # 15
Who gives a flying fuck that he has “golf shit” in his tool box? are you looking for his toolbox;d golf shit?
I think you need to slow your roll.